- Women in Leadership
- Women in Leadership – Internal Barriers (part 1)
- Women in Leadership – Internal Barriers (part 2)
In the last two posts, we’ve talked about internal barriers for women in leadership. In my experience, it is more important to deal with the internal barriers, as they are issues that we can directly work on individually. Additionally, trying to deal with external barriers before our own hearts is unproductive.
However, as I have rubbed shoulders with other women on the field and other women ministry leaders, we tend to have shared experiences over a list of external barriers and obstacles that are particular to women in ministry. In this post, I want to detail some of the most common external barriers that I have encountered and researched, and ways to address these obstacles. While this list is not exhaustive, I hope it’s a good starting point to examine your own leadership situation, and to consider ways you can continue moving forward.
A Rude Awakening
My first month in full time ministry, Steven was invited to participate in meetings with other leaders in our organization. While these leaders met to discuss long term strategy and objectives, the wives didn’t participate but sat together on the back porch.
One of the wives, who had the longest ministry tenure and field experience, decided to gather us for a discussion to get to know one another. Her opening question – “how are we submitting to our husbands?”
Coming from working in tech and an immigrant family that placed high value on career success, this question, and the following answers, were pretty shocking.
“I love that my husband makes my schedule every day.”
“My husband is the leader, and I just enjoy discipling girls who I meet.”
“I used to be more involved, but now I am at home raising our kids.”
At the time, I was newly married, new to ministry, and uncertain and insecure about my role. But I was passionate about Thailand and desired to lead a team there with my husband. While I wanted to learn from these womens’ experiences, these answers did not sound like what I was looking for. So I asked a clarifying question. “I’m obviously very new to this, but what does it look like to lead out in your vision with your husband in missions?”
The answer came from the woman who started the discussion. “We are not the leaders. We should try to submit to our husbands and do everything we can to support their vision. When we were overseas, there was a couple on our team where the wife flourished in the ministry work and her husband had a harder time. So she stopped doing her own ministry to dedicate all her time to helping him.”
I respect all of these women. They are faithful and servant-hearted. But this answer shut me down. It felt like my deepest fears, questions, and insecurities about being a woman in ministry leadership were being confirmed. Women couldn’t be leaders here or have ministries independent of their husbands. Our only role was to support our husbands and to tend a home. I couldn’t see a pathway forward for me.
External Barriers
When I talk about external barriers, I am looking at the surrounding contexts, structures, and environments that might limit a woman from entering into or growing in leadership. This post will only cover a few of the most common barriers for women: the biases concerning women in ministry, lack of resources for development, and lack of access to leadership spaces.
While the primary audience for this article is intended for women in ministry leadership roles and those who aspire towards leadership, I want to affirm that if you are a woman who feels called to primarily supportive roles on a team or to a role of supporting your husband’s ministry and focusing on the family at home full-time, that is an amazing and beautiful thing! I truly believe that each of us should be obedient to whatever role God has called us to, and to be secure and joyful in it! My hope in writing this post is to help women who desire to obey a calling towards ministry leadership, but experience difficulties through various barriers.
Biases Around Women in Ministry
There are numerous biases concerning women in the workplace, in ministry, or in leadership. Two biases that particularly impact ministry contexts are that women are expected to be gentle helpers. And secondly, mothers are expected to primarily take care of the home and operate as supports for their husband’s ministry.
Fitting the Supportive Role
In many ministry contexts, women are generally expected to carry out supportive roles. Ministry roles for missionary women that are generally deemed acceptable include things like caretaking, relationship building, hospitality, raising children, or administrative work. In meetings, if I am the only woman in the room, it is often assumed I will take notes.
However, for women who are suited to lead outside these spheres, these stereotypes act as unseen barriers. Decades of research on these topics have concluded that Western societies judge men and women on different criteria. A 2014 study from Stanford University found that women were given “substantially more critical feedback than men in performance reviews”, a significant amount of that being “negative personality criticism” (Take Back Your Power, 13). Women who expressed their leadership were often described as aggressive or bossy, while men were lauded as assertive or confident.
This means that women in ministry often have to balance a tightrope of appealing to biases so as to not offend, all the while finding ways to still exercise their leadership without smothering their own giftings or voice. An analysis of executive women leaders in missions organizations found that women leaders “…focused on the relational aspects of leading”, which are behaviors that are generally more acceptable for women, while “…[direct leadership] behaviors are used with care and may also be perceived as high risk [for the woman leader] (Playing by the Rules, 140).” I have been in many conversations where capable women have been passed over for greater responsibility due to a perception that they would be too angry or dominating because of the stereotype that women should be gentle helpers.
Mothers Should Stay Home
Another common bias that impacts women in ministry is a general confusion around the role of mothers. If women generally should take supportive roles, then a mother even more so is expected to primarily focus on her family and in supporting her husband’s ministry work. One study revealed that job applicants who mentioned they were mothers on their resumes were viewed as “less competent than child-free women or men”, or seen as less serious about their jobs (Take Back Your Power, 18). These biases are sometimes more blatant in ministry contexts as well depending on theological or cultural context. It seems silly, but for years I struggled with a fear that if we had a child, I would be “forced” out of ministry because a good missionary wife should primarily dedicate herself to ministry at home.
When our organization first wrote their maternity policy, they mirrored other similar evangelical organizations that offered a 10-day maternity leave and no paternity leave. This is a senseless amount of time to expect a woman to recover from labor, childbirth, and to adjust to motherhood. Although the heart behind this choice was to allow new mothers freedom to roll off of staff to focus on their children, it also revealed an unspoken expectation that mothers would not want to stay on staff and that they would be able to easily leave prior ministry commitments. However, for mothers who wanted to stay in the ministry and did not feel called to be at home full-time, returning to work in 10 days felt like an impossible task and many ended up leaving staff as a result. Though adjustment and transition are needed, having a child should not disqualify a mother from being a leader or serving in ministry.
How to Respond to Biases Around Women in Ministry
When considering leadership, it is important to be aware that these stereotypes exist and to respond to them in a humble and God honoring way. Sometimes we can be surprised when we realize we believe them ourselves!
When you run into policies or people with biases about women in ministry or leadership, don’t jump to assumptions about a person’s intentions! Instead, ask questions and deliver helpful direct feedback. In my experience, people rarely have malicious intent, and usually there is a lack of understanding that can be brought to light and corrected. A helpful question could be something like, “can you help me understand how you reached that decision?” or “can you explain the history of that policy to me?”
After gaining clarity, provide clear feedback. A good phrase to use is “I see where you’re coming from, but this is how I experience you / this policy / this situation.” While these conversations can feel risky to initiate, the goal should always be for mutual benefit – for you to express yourself authentically and for others to grow in understanding, and together to find solutions as co-laborers and not enemies. Try to prevent bringing frustration and anger into these conversations as, ironically, negative emotions can feed into an “angry woman” stereotype and end up stifling your influence. When humbly offered, I have found that most people have generally responded positively to feedback I have given.
If, despite your best efforts, things don’t change or people continue to not see their biases, don’t try to force your issue and get bogged down in these types of conversations. It is not our job to make everyone see our point of view. In these cases, pray and consider – what are creative solutions that can address the biases that are working against you? Is there someone who can advocate for you? Is there an environment you need to leave? Is there forgiveness that you need to extend?
Lack of Resources for Development
In my own story, one of my biggest barriers to growing as a leader was that I had never seen it done before! In a study of 1,000 evangelical nonprofits, women represented only 16% of leaders at any level. When we don’t have a model to follow, it becomes that much harder to envision what stepping into leadership could look like.
For years, I tried to be a leader based off of the example set by my male leaders. While there were many things I have learned from male mentors, they were still unable to fully help me navigate the uniqueness of being a female leader. And many of their methods of leadership didn’t work for me when I tried to put them into practice. Role stereotypes exist for men in leadership as well, and the type of male leader that is celebrated is usually someone strategic, direct, and who speaks well in front of a room. As someone who is not naturally wired this way, I despaired of ever becoming a “good leader” until I learned how to lead out in a way that was more instinctive and natural to who I am.
Along with lack of access to leadership examples and mentors, women leaders often have less opportunities for development. Like often attracts like, meaning that we are more drawn to people who are like us. In a missions leadership context, this means that male leaders will generally be more open to mentoring and coaching other men, or inviting men into more ministry or development opportunities. One of my male mentors’ main method of developing other leaders was to invite them to be “side by side”. He would bring someone he was trying to develop into all his meetings and ministry activities, have meals together, and debrief his thought process with them. This is an excellent way to bring someone up, but it is much easier for a male leader in ministry to invite a man into this type of mentorship than a woman.
Biases about women’s roles, as previously mentioned, can also contribute to whether or not women will have access to resources and developmental opportunities. When we launched to the field, I was not given a supervisor since it was assumed my role would be to support Steven in his ministry. This meant that Steven received coaching, information, or opportunities for development from his supervisor that wouldn’t get to me other than as a trickle down from him. Too often, this can be a common situation with women in more conservative ministry organizations. Another prevalent situation is for single women to not receive adequate coaching from supervisors if a male supervisor has a conviction to not meet one on one with a woman.
How to Respond to Lack of Resources for Development
If you find yourself in this situation of lacking models or developmental opportunities, my encouragement is to not let that stop you! Even if there aren’t others to help you develop actively or current models of women in leadership to follow, continue to pursue personal development by using tools like a personal development plan or a 360 evaluation to assess your strengths and weaknesses and find areas where you can grow. Read books (including the topical studies in the Bible!) and proactively ask for opportunities where you can serve, learn, and grow through experience. Sampling many types of ministry and service helps to clarify what kind of leader you might be.
At the same time, pray and ask God for a mentor and then seek one out. When Steven and I started leading, we were overwhelmed by all that we didn’t know how to do. How do we help teammates navigate conflict? How do we write a team MOU? What are the steps we should follow to see a church planting movement? Help! We wrote down a list of names of people who we respected and had expertise in the topics we needed help with, and asked them to speak into our lives and the situations we were dealing with. Over the years, this group has become a consistent source of mentorship and encouragement for us. In the same way, if you are looking for an example or someone to help you grow, seek out that person and ask them to help you! Though it can be scary to ask, most leaders are going to be honored that you have asked for their help and will be happy to lend their expertise.
Finally, as you seek out mentors, take time to network with other women leaders who are also running a similar race to you. Having a network of peers who can empathize with you addresses much of the loneliness many women leaders face from often being the only woman in the room.
For women reading this, who are 2-3 women you could ask to mentor you in your leadership journey? Who are 2-3 women who are in a similar leadership space as yours that you can connect with? Write those names down and begin to pray that they would say yes!
Lack of Access to Leadership Spaces
Traditionally in our organization, after leaders came together for planning and meetings, they would spend time together at a bar with drinks. On top of building community, this informal time was used to debrief, share information, discuss new ministry assignments, and plan forward. In the business world, this time is called the “meeting after the meeting”, which is often where the real work gets done as people feel greater freedom to brainstorm and plan in a more informal setting. While I was privileged to sit around the table due to Steven’s advocacy in bringing me along, many women leaders in our organization found that the bar often felt inaccessible. In a Christian ministry, it felt vulnerable and uncomfortable for a woman to stay out late in a group of majority men with alcohol. The timing also made it basically impossible for mothers to join. The next morning, women leaders who missed the time at the bar would come into the meeting and find out that multiple decisions were made and responsibilities were given out without them ever hearing about it.
Oftentimes, growing in leadership in mission organizations and on ministry teams depends more on influence and who you know, rather than following an official pathway. A title doesn’t necessarily equate to leadership influence and authority. However, women are often underrepresented in the leadership rooms where they could receive coaching and development, build influence, express their desire to grow in leadership, or advocate for their perspectives. This can be incredibly frustrating for women who continually feel “passed over” as prospective leaders simply because they weren’t in the room.
Additionally, though there are opportunities for skills development for overseas workers through seminars and trainings, I have observed that most participants and trainers are men. The reasoning is often that if someone needs to stay back, the wife is the default. Unfortunately, this results in exacerbating the previous issue of lack of examples. By not attending trainings, women seldom have an opportunity to see other women leading out in ministry, find like-minded mentors, or to meet with other women on the field with similar ministry responsibilities.
How to Respond to Lack of Access to Leadership Spaces
For women leaders who are feeling overlooked, my first encouragement is to continue to serve humbly and with joy! We aren’t in ministry for a title or for man’s validation, but because God himself has called us into this work. If He has a leadership title or influence for us, then He will reveal the pathway forward. But to become angry, frustrated, or entitled will only sabotage ourselves more. Steven often encouraged me to, “assume I belong in the room.” If I assume that I belong and that my contribution and perspective matter already, then there is no need to fight for it.
That being said, there are some strategies that women can employ to receive greater access into leadership spaces. Firstly, express your desire to be a part of the leadership conversation! Most people are not badly intentioned or desire to deliberately block women from leadership spaces. However, they may not know you are interested, or that current systems do not lend themselves to being inviting towards women. In the situation with the drinks at the bar, my feedback to the main male leader was to have that time in one of the women leaders’ homes instead of the bar, and to explicitly invite women leaders.
While it may feel risky, continue to ask for clarity. What is required to enter this leadership room? How are decisions being made? Is there a place where I can contribute my input and voice? After expressing your desire and receiving clarity, if nothing is blocking you, show up and represent yourself well! Even if you are the only woman, it only takes one to be a barrier breaker.
Deb Liu, CEO of ancestry.com, recommends including 4 elements in your ask: your desire, the why, the timing, and a specific invitation for how this person could help you now. For example, instead of just saying you want to be a team leader, say something along the lines of, “I have focused on training disciplemaking tools for the last few years and I would love a chance to grow and learn more about leading others to do the same things. In the coming year, could I shadow you as you lead the team, and also take on some smaller leadership assignments?”
Secondly, find an advocate or a sponsor. While a mentor is someone who can consult, encourage, and share wisdom over specific topics, an advocate is someone who can represent you and your viewpoint in leadership spaces and can vouch for your ideas to other leaders, clearing the way for you to enter the room. If you’re desiring to be a leader, a sponsor can open the path for you with decision makers in your organization. According to a study of business leaders by Sylvia Ann Hewlett, men are 46% more likely than women to have true sponsors. In my case, Steven was my greatest advocate. He saw me as a leader and reported truthfully on my contributions. He also deliberately brought me into his meetings and into leadership spaces so that other leaders might experience working with me, and so that I could grow in my own confidence.
Take the First Step!
As we consider the myriad of obstacles and issues that must be overcome in order for women to fully embrace their leadership, it can be so easy to feel discouraged. Is it even worth the effort? The painful conversations? The risk?
Throughout my leadership journey, I have felt humiliated, exposed, hurt, and overwhelmed more times than I can count. If it was up to me, I would have given up hundreds of times, except that the Lord kept making clear to me in Scripture, community, circumstances, and prayer, that His calling on me was to serve as a leader!
God is so faithful that He will not be satisfied with anything less than us becoming who He intends for us to be as leaders.
If you hear that call, even if it’s small right now, I want to encourage you to surrender to Him the barriers that hold you back and ask Jesus to help you take the first step. He will supply every need as you step into the good works He has for you!
Application and Reflection
- Pray and ask God – Are you sensing that God is calling you to leadership? What internal or external barriers are keeping you from embracing that calling?
- What is something you can do to address current barriers you may face today?
- Who are you going to share or encourage with what you learned today?