In our last few posts, we’ve talked about why men and women leading together on the field is important, best practices to do that, and specifics for husband and wife leadership teams. In this post, we’ll bring some guidelines for men leading women in missions settings.

We think the ideal situation is when there can be a man and a woman co-leading together, taking advantage of all the diversity of gifts and perspectives to lead a healthy and effective team. From what we have observed, the ideal is rarely available on the mission field and it may be the case that the only qualified leader currently available is a man who is leading other women. 

In my experience talking to men in this situation, these leaders deeply value their female teammates and strongly desire to see the women under their leadership thrive and flourish. But oftentimes, these leaders also don’t know what they don’t know, and unfortunately their intuitive leadership style may not end up being the most conducive or helpful when leading women.

In this scenario, we’ve laid out a few tips that we’d encourage male leaders to consider in order to best lead, empower, and appropriately care for the women on your team.

Aim to Develop

Generally speaking, men will feel most comfortable working with people who are most like them – namely other men. They may be aware that leading women is different from leading men but aren’t sure how to approach things differently. Consequently, women can get overlooked when it comes to intentional development and opportunities for growth. In all likelihood, the women on your team have already had a deficit of development opportunities to this point. We believe a missions team is strongest when all members of the team are empowered, developed, and thriving in their best role. Here are some suggestions for how to best develop your female teammates.

Solicit and Give Feedback – Make an effort to regularly and proactively solicit the opinions and feedback of your female teammates about what they are processing about themselves, about your leadership, about the team, and about the ministry work. Women are encouraged to not make waves and will not always volunteer their perspectives, especially if their opinion contradicts that of the group. Because women are generally more collaborative and risk-averse by nature, women may sometimes need more time and space to process information. While this might feel like you are being forced to slow down, creating this venue for women to share creates safety and brings in perspectives that will most likely reap dividends down the line. Practically, it could be as simple as asking a female teammate during a meeting, “What do you think?” Or, if a female teammate hasn’t spoken much during a meeting, pulling them aside after the meeting is over and asking for their feedback.

Conversely, and just as important, give gentle but direct feedback to the women you lead. I have observed that in ministry spaces, women, and especially mothers, can sometimes “get the pass” because of not wanting to hurt feelings or not wanting to pile on pressure. But when feedback is withheld, a woman’s ability to learn and develop is undercut, and the whole team suffers. If you have feedback you would give to a man, then the women on your team deserve the same benefit.

Keep in mind that when you give feedback, women might respond differently than men! You should aim to create a safe space for women to freely and safely express their emotions. Ask about their feelings concerning a situation. Sometimes, there may be a response like tears or frustration – don’t be afraid to engage with emotional responses. (Steven says to keep the tissues nearby!) In some situations, high emotions are an appropriate response and sometimes they are not. Let the emotion be a jumping off point for further questions and dialogue into understanding their experience before continuing to discuss the topic at hand.

For women that you lead, it can be comforting to see that not only do you respect and seek out their inputs, but you also respect them enough as peers and teammates that you would say the hard thing for their development. It becomes that much easier to trust and follow your leadership. 

Find a Woman Mentor or Coach – While I had a male supervisor in our organization, I credit much of my growth and development to the female mentors he encouraged me to find. I respected my male colleagues, but would always be curious about, “how would a woman approach this topic?” 

These topics could include personal development issues, family and marriage counseling, or ministry coaching. You, as a male leader, are not going to have all the answers and will definitely not carry a woman’s perspective. But you can network and find women with experience and credibility to connect with the women on your team. These mentors could come from your organization’s member care staff, your wife, a more experienced worker, or another female leader in a different context. And it doesn’t only have to be one woman mentor that can address everything – find the appropriate coach for the areas that your women teammates need input. Help the women you lead build an ecosystem of support that includes you as the leader, and also female mentors and coaches who can speak into their specific needs. 

Create an Empowering Culture

It’s important to very intentionally create a culture that is empowering to women. This may take some outside-the-box thinking as most systems and structures, whether from business or ministry contexts, will generally be more accommodating for men. For more information on this topic, you can reference our blog post on external barriers that women in leadership face.

Clearly Define What You Believe – As theologians and denominations continue to wrestle with defining women’s roles and parameters for women’s leadership, ministry can be a very confusing place for women. Most women in ministry will understand that there is a “line” that they shouldn’t cross, but that line can feel very nebulous and arbitrary. Without this level of clarity, women who want to respect you as a leader will tend to draw far back from where they assume the “line” is. 

If you are a man leading women, it’s important that your theological position and work expectations are clearly communicated to both the men and women on your team. Can a woman hold a leadership role? What about teaching or preaching? Can women work with male team members? Can women lead men? What kind of communication and accountability expectations do you have for women on the team? 

In addition, be clear about any personal boundaries that you have when working with women. When should husbands be looped in and for what kinds of topics? Are there topics that you will not discuss with women that you lead? Can you text, call, or email one on one with a woman or do you prefer to communicate in a group? What are spaces that you feel comfortable meeting a woman in? 

Create space for dialogue, where women you lead can ask questions, push back, and offer feedback. After there is buy-in on both sides, help the women on your team find their ideal roles within the theological stance of the team. If it is helpful, write these things down, possibly in an MOU, as a reference point for the whole team.

Even if the conversation feels awkward, remember that this clarity is kindness. This prevents the women on your team from wasting time guessing about the validity of their actions and allows them to joyfully pursue their work within agreed upon parameters. When men on the team are clear about what is expected, they are better able to champion their female co-laborers and advocate for them.

Check Your Own Biases – We all have biases, whether we realize it or not. The goal is not to necessarily get rid of all your biases, but to recognize them and realize where they may be disempowering. Oftentimes, when Steven and I are both part of a meeting, it is assumed that I am there to take notes. Until I am introduced as a peer, I rarely receive eye contact from the men in the room or might be ushered toward the tables where the wives sit. 

Are there certain roles that you naturally assume a woman would occupy? Notetakers, secretaries, event planners, administrative assistants, children ministry leaders, and mothers who stay home are all roles that “make sense” for women to occupy. And while these roles are incredibly important, not every woman you lead will want to be lumped into these categories.

Take the time to talk with the women that you lead about their passions, giftings, and opportunities for development and growth. Cast vision and help them brainstorm roles that align with their giftings to contribute to the team and ministry, and discuss how you can help them get there. 

Create Environments Welcoming for Women – Culture is often set in those in-between spaces between official meetings and team functions. Much is revealed in how welcome women are in these informal gatherings and hangouts where people are less buttoned up. In my old organization, there was a tradition for leaders to sit around a campfire late-night with a glass of bourbon to relate to one another, process decisions made in the organization, and enjoy fellowship. While women were “welcome”, they weren’t ever explicitly invited. For many single gals, drinking late at night didn’t feel like a safe environment to let loose, while mothers with little kids had to opt out due to the late hour. An alternative we suggested was meeting in someone’s living room with both wine and bourbon options. As you consider your team culture, are relational spaces accessible to everyone? Do women feel invited to partake in the unofficial activities related to your team? Is there anyone who needs to be extended a specific invitation?

Navigating Unique Gender Dynamics

There are certain relational dynamics that must be considered in cross-gender leadership. Creating clarity and buy-in around these things first will prevent a world of confusion.

What to Do with Wives – For men leading married women, there are additional factors to consider and extra communication may be required. One of the first questions to discern is whether the wife of a couple that you lead feels both (1) called to be a part of the ministry work and (2) is willing to follow your leadership and direction for the mission. Do not make assumptions about a wife’s commitment based on simply what her husband is doing or saying. If she does want to be a part of the work, then have conversations with her and her husband about ways you can communicate, set directives, and develop her for her ministry role that are in line with the way their family operates. If you have hesitation about directly leading a married woman, try to loop in her husband into any communication that you might have with her.

On a similar note, if the husband of a couple you lead is also a leader, do not automatically assume that the wife needs to be a leader too. As we mentioned in our blog post on couples leading together, we would recommend that husbands and wives who lead together both need to have a leadership calling from God. It can be dangerous to elevate a wife into leadership when she has not received that level of calling as it places undue pressure on both her and potentially the marriage.

What to Do with Single Women – Single women are a powerful asset to any team, but often have the least influence or voice within a team or organization. Single women also may be boxed into certain roles like babysitting the teams’ kids or notetaking. Without husbands to help advocate for them, single women may withhold their voices instead of trying to speak directly with a male leader. Make sure that you are actively soliciting the opinions of single women and checking in on their needs, concerns, insight, and feedback. Single women may have higher relational needs, and it is important that you are able to resource them with mentors, coaches, and opportunities to meet local female friends.

Just a Little Intentionality…

The first time I publicly spoke in front of a crowd, I was terrified. Steven and I had been invited by our leader to share some of the lessons we had learned from our first term on the field to the rest of our organization’s staff. At that time, I was still wrestling with whether or not the Bible allowed for a woman to even speak publicly, so it was a big honor! 

After I rambled through my part and sat down, a high level male leader in our organization sought me out. He told me, “you were a little shaky in the beginning. But much better when you got up to speed. You’re probably not as strong as a teacher, but you are gifted in exhortation and you need to speak more.” Then, turning to Steven, he told him, “you need to make sure that she gets space to speak.” Even almost ten years later, his direct feedback continues to remind me that I am seen, gifted, and have a contribution. For some reason, I assumed women would encourage me, but to be noticed by a high level male leader whose inner circle I normally wouldn’t be a part of meant something more. By God’s grace, I have continued using my voice to coach individuals, speak to larger groups, and even help co-host a podcast. But I wonder if I would have had the courage to say yes to the next opportunity if this leader hadn’t gone out of his way to give me his feedback and encouragement.

For you men who are leading women and desire to honor them in the highest way, my encouragement to you is that you don’t have to be perfect. But know that just a little bit of intentionality and empowerment from you can go a long way!

Reflection Questions

1. Aim to Develop:
   • Are there areas where you have not yet developed the women on your team?
   • Do you find yourself withholding feedback from the women on your team? If yes, why?
   • Do the women that you lead have access to women mentors and coaches who can help them grow? If no, where can you find these women?
2. Create An Empowering Culture:
   • Do you have personal clarity on your theological stance concerning women in ministry and your personal boundaries in regards to working with women? Have these been clearly communicated?
   • Do you have implicit biases around women’s roles in ministry that might be impacting how you interact with the women that you lead?
   • On a scale from 1-10 (1 being unsafe, 10 being very safe), how welcome do the women on your team feel during both team functions and informal gatherings? How can you increase this number?
3. Navigating Gender Dynamics
   • Are lines of communication and expectations clear with the wives that you lead?
   • Are you regularly checking in on single women that you lead?

This month, Jenn and Cynthia started a new series about Couples Leading Together on the Dare to Multiply podcast.

The series kicks off with Jenn and Steven sharing their story and why it’s important for couples to make disciples and lead together. Stay tuned for the rest of the series, where we will explore how couples can address obstacles to working together, and also give some practical how-tos and tips.

Finally, if you want to learn more, check out our blog posts on men and women leading together:

Men and Women Leading Together

Men and Women Leading Together (Part 2)

Husbands and Wives Leading Together

…every time there has been a spiritual awakening, women are often called up into ministry and spiritual leadership. It’s one of the signs of a revival that isn’t talked about very often.

Dr. Jo Anne Lyon, 181

In Developing Female Leaders, church consultant Kadi Cole addresses how churches and leaders can better develop, empower, and elevate women leaders, with strategies on how to navigate common “minefields” and barriers that women leaders experience.

Cole draws from research from more than 30 executive and high-level female ministry leaders from a variety of settings, survey results from over 1,000 female leaders around the world, and interviews from male church leaders who are actively engaging in this issue. Each chapter outlines a “best practice” for church leaders to follow and ends with discussion questions to work through with a leadership team.

We have found this book incredibly relevant and practical. Kadi Cole’s best practices challenge many common assumptions held about women in ministry leadership, and reveal how those assumptions might actually be holding leaders back! But when women leaders are intentionally developed in a supportive environment, all that stunted potential can be unleashed for the expansion of the kingdom of God!

…there’s always room for one more at God’s table…there will always be more than enough people to love, more than enough people to serve, more than enough people with whom we can share the gospel, and more than enough people who need great leadership. In God’s kingdom, there is more than enough for all of us.

Kadi Cole, 178

Feel free to also directly subscribe to the Dare to Multiply Podcast on whatever application you use for podcast listening!

In this episode, Jenn is introduced as a co-host for Dare to Multiply and gives practical advice around leading teams toward a multiplication vision.

Our first year on the field we established a rhythm of monthly team fellowships. At these fellowship times that Steven and I led, we ate together, worshipped together, and did a quick Bible study. Usually people stuck around afterwards to play board games. Seems simple enough, right?

Except that everybody had a problem with team fellowship. Some didn’t like the food. Some didn’t want to do Bible study. Some wanted more Bible study. Others said – why are we playing games when people are dying without the gospel?! Some didn’t like the game choices. With a team of 13 all storming and adjusting to a new context, there was always someone unhappy. It was frustrating that such a simple thing meant to help our team bond and fellowship was such a source of conflict and disagreement.

Fast forward 5 years to our last team retreat before we expanded into 3 teams and moved to different locations. Every part of this retreat was delegated and divvied up among the team members. Some led worship, and others facilitated prayer times. Our “fun” teammates coordinated a kickball tournament and a coffee tasting activity. Some teammates gifted at administration helped coordinate all the logistics, our teaching-gifted teammates led Bible study parts, and other shepherding-gifted teammates facilitated a time for celebration and remembrance. Steven and I kept the part that we were good at – vision casting for the future – but almost every other part of the retreat was owned and executed by our other teammates. It’s one of our most memorable, enjoyable, and fun times that we’ve had with our team. We left feeling renewed and refocused on the vision. What changed?

I believe that one of the significant reasons for the change in this team retreat, and in the thriving and multiplication of our team, was the valuing and empowering of each person’s spiritual gifts to edify the body. By delegating each part of the retreat to those that were gifted to lead it, each person had more ownership and had the opportunity to exercise their gifts. Steven and I are not fun, we can’t lead worship, we’re bad at logistics, and we’re bad at celebration. Our other teammates are not just good at these things, but gifted by the Spirit to serve others in these ways. And in seeing all the parts of the body use their gifts, our team was able to look more like the body of Christ.

Why Spiritual Gifts Matter on Teams

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many…

1 Corinthians 12:12-14

In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul lays out some foundational truths about spiritual gifts and how we are to view the giftings in both ourselves and other people. Despite a variety of giftings, believers are one in Christ and are part of one body made of many parts. Contrary to our instincts, diversity of giftings in the body of Christ should lend itself to greater unity and mutual love and concern for one another! And when we display this type of unity on our teams, we present a powerful witness and example of Christ to the world.

Later in 1 Corinthians 14, Paul instructs the early church to seek or to “…try to excel in [spiritual gifts] that build up the church.” For many goers, moving overseas means surrendering many of the spiritual inputs that we consistently used to rely on. Our teams often become our greatest venue for spiritual development and community, and may even become the closest expression we have for church. If gifts are for the edification of the body (Ephesians 4:12-13) and Paul encourages us to seek gifts that build up the church, which is the body of Christ, then we should regularly be using our gifts in our team life.

Using Spiritual Gifts for Team Life

In the last post, Steven already mentioned how different giftings serve and supplement one another in the work of ministry and pioneering. Similarly, when spiritual gifts are turned toward edifying the body, team life can become a source of vibrant community, encouragement, and development.  

Here are some examples of different ways spiritual gifts can be harnessed on a team: 

• Helps and hospitality – A common experience for all goers is tiredness or weariness. We can often feel physically, mentally, and spiritually drained as we pour out for the people we are trying to serve. While our teammates with service oriented giftings like helps or hospitality may not be “front of room” types of people, they are supernaturally able to sense who is discouraged or is feeling need, and meet that need. Those gifted in hospitality have the unique ability to create a space where all feel welcomed, rested, and served. 
  
  I am not gifted in these types of service oriented giftings. On our team, we regularly hosted team fellowships, events, meetings, and gatherings. It feels silly to say that these were some of the times I felt most anxious or drained. Was everyone enjoying themselves? Is the house clean enough? Will I have energy to clean afterwards? But by God’s grace, many of our teammates were gifted these ways. Without being asked, they would come early and stay late to help with cleaning. On hard days, they would ask the incredibly loving question of, “is there anything I can do for you?” And then follow through on what I said! Those with hospitality giftings would take ownership in hosting, leading games, welcoming guests, creating festive settings for holidays, and coordinating logistics. 
  
• Shepherding / Encouragement – Ministry overseas is often compared to a crucible – hurts, suffering, crises, failure, and discouragement create a constant pressure that bears down on a goer. In this type of environment, wounds can fester and turn into bitterness, crises can turn into long-term trauma, temptation toward sin increases, and it can feel very easy to give up. Shepherds are drawn to people who are hurting and long to see the people of God cared for, restored, and healed. Encouragers, similarly, find joy in speaking uplifting words and truths to help others grow and to keep going in the work. They help those in the crucible of overseas missions find 1 Peter 1:7 type success, the testing and refining of their faith that is revealed to be more precious than gold. Roles that a shepherd or encourager can take include facilitating personal development plans, transition or term debriefing, providing care for teammates, consulting with team leaders about the needs on the team, or (if trained) counseling. 

• Administration / Government – Administrative types excel in things like project and systems management and often serve as foils to open-ended idealists. They are the ones asking, “how are we going to get this done?” Those with administrative giftings are able to understand and manage details, often freeing up leaders from having to think about these things.
  
  Though we can do them, working on logistics and details are not mine or Steven’s strength. Before launching, we invited a couple to join our team specifically for the sake of helping carry the administrative and logistical load. In watching them work, I quickly realized that the power of the Holy Spirit can turn administrative tasks into as supernatural a work as miracles or healings. In their first year on the field, this couple had identified and secured health insurance for our entire team (and later, the organization!) and created and managed our visa platform! They uniquely sharpened Steven and myself, helping us to clarify our often abstract ideas and put things into writing for the benefit of current and future teammates, other workers, and national partners.

• Teaching, Knowledge, Wisdom, Exhortation – Sanctification and growing in holiness is a lifelong process. Those with teaching gifts are able to explain, instruct, and expose biblical truth in understandable ways for other believers. Similarly, the Holy Spirit moves through those gifted in knowledge, wisdom, and exhortation to be able to speak His heart towards certain people at specific times. Teammates with these giftings can be called upon to help develop and instruct other members of the team through things like leading Bible studies, discussions on topics pertaining to ministry, or facilitating worship and prayer times that create space for hearing the Holy Spirit.

Teaming is a Means of Grace

“Accept every humiliation, look upon every fellow-man who tries or vexes you, as a means of grace to humble you. Use every opportunity of humbling yourself before your fellow-man as a help to remain humble before God. It is by the mighty strengthening of His Holy Spirit that God reveals Christ fully in you.”

Andrew Murray, Humility

There is a reason that almost every passage on spiritual gifts is accompanied by instruction towards love and unity. Learning to work with and live in community with people who are different from us is difficult! In our flesh, we like to be right. Our different giftings will cause us to perceive the same situation from completely different perspectives. A shepherd gifted person might view an evangelist as flighty and inconsistent with new believers. A prophetic leader might prioritize speaking truth over caring for the heart. And yet, the picture of 1 Corinthians 12 is that this one body NEEDS all the parts. 

Spiritual gifts are gifts given and allotted by the Holy Spirit. They are gifts that we did not earn. Instead of fixating on differences, we are commanded to be humble and realize what we don’t have so that we can appreciate others with the giftings that we lack. Andrew Murray, in his book Humility, teaches that we should see other believers, especially the ones that vex us, as a means of grace to grow in our character. In this type of community, we are developed into Christ-likeness. This friction with our teammates develops humility, servant-heartedness, and surrender. And as we grow in Christ-like character, we are able to persevere in the work and bear fruit of the spirit along with ministry fruit!

Implications for Leaders

For leaders, knowing about spiritual gifts is critically important not just for yourself but also for those that you lead. 

Many times as leaders we fall into the trap of thinking that we need to carry everything ourselves. We need to lead the ministry, lead and develop a team, solve every conflict, handle every administrative task, and interact with organizational responsibilities. All the while maintaining our own personal abiding, rhythms, and responsibilities to family and friends. Being the answer to everything is a dangerous rut to fall into, and often speeds leaders along a path to burnout. 

Instead of doing it all, we recommend leading out of your giftings while proactively building a team around you, along with structures and rhythms, to supplement your weaknesses. As a leader you will still need a base level of competency in your weaknesses, but having a team with complementary gifts means that you won’t have to forever lead out of your weaknesses alone.

Recruit the Gifts That You Need

Knowledge of our own spiritual gifts helps us understand what kind of leader we are. For example, I am gifted in evangelism and prophecy. The strengths I bring into a team are a focus on the lost and in offering feedback and development to teammates. However, what I lack is shepherding and administrative giftings. With that knowledge in hand, I can keep my mind focused on finding shepherds and administrators while recruiting. For some reason, in our initial team of 13, not a single person had a shepherd gifting! And we saw that while our team excelled in strategy and personal development, we needed help in areas of healing from trauma, debriefing, and care. In those cases, we looked for outside sources – counselors, mentors from our church at home, and professionals – who could help supplement the lack. 

A simple grid you can use is from Ephesians 4:11:

So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up.

Ephesians 4:11

Generally, leaders in the apostolic / prophetic / evangelist camp will tend to be more outward and ministry-focused. Shepherds and teachers conversely will focus more on inward care and development. As you consider your own giftings and leadership style, where do you feel like you need help? What kind of co-leader, subteam leader, or teammate could you recruit to balance out your own giftings?

Honor All the Parts

For those of us who have more visible spiritual gifts that seem more applicable for direct ministry work, it can be tempting to judge or disparage lesser seen giftings. Gifts like helps, hospitality, giving, shepherding, and administration are often most comfortably utilized behind the scenes as supportive roles. Although people with these types of giftings are not “flashy”, the Bible has a special word about them. 

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor…

1 Corinthians 12:21-23

Paul calls these types of people indispensable to the body and deserving of even greater honor! If not for the faithful servant-types on our teams, our team would never have been able to become a safe space where true and authentic community could form. They set an example of selflessness that is truly Christlike and something to be emulated by all.

As much as you can, cultivate a heart and a team culture that proactively celebrates these humble servants. Speak well of their deeds to others on the team, have celebrations to thank them for their unique contributions, and create space for their voices and perspectives.

Developing Your Team

As you recruit people with different types of spiritual gifts onto your team, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your team is suddenly rounded out. Spiritual gifts are not static things. We are encouraged to practice our giftings and develop them. As leaders, one of our main jobs is to develop the people on our team, both in character and skill. Here are some suggestions for ways you can start developing your team in spiritual gifts.

• Create Opportunities for Exploration – Many of our teammates may have landed on the field without explicit knowledge of or confidence in their spiritual gifts. While assessments can be helpful, teammates may lack the experience in ministry to really answer assessment questions with confidence. After language learning and acculturation, create opportunities for your teammates to explore different types of ministry activities and debrief them regularly. This debrief could include reporting on outward disciple-making ministry, but also potentially about roles within the team. What activities did you most enjoy? Where did you feel energized? Where did you feel discouraged? What is something you uniquely could contribute to the team?
  
  As your teammates dip their toes into these opportunities, it may become obvious what they feel supernaturally empowered to do and where they begin to see supernatural fruitfulness.

• Create Personal Development Plans – As your teammates begin to identify and practice their spiritual gifts, help them to form development plans that will help them to grow in their gifts. The goal is to create a consistent habit or practice that can be tracked over time, and to introduce helpful resources. What are Bible passages, books, mentors with the same gifting, podcasts, etc. that can be used to help supplement your teammate’s growth? We go more into detail on how to create personal development plans here.

• Develop Roles – Finally, we found that our teammates most thrived when they were able to work out of their giftings in the ministry. A task that one person finds taxing might be another teammate’s greatest joy to do! As much as you can, without sacrificing what is necessary for each person to do for the team to effectively pursue its ministry vision, try to work with your teammate to create a job description that fits them and the needs of the ministry best.
  
  In order to figure out everyone’s ideal roles, we had our team run through an activity. Every teammate wrote down on post-it notes every task they did in their role. After writing everything down, we then asked them to categorize each activity/task into “I love to do this”, “I could take it or leave it”, and “I would rather not do this”. Then we compared notes and, for areas where it made sense, divided up responsibilities based on who had giftings for those tasks.
  
  Obviously, some things like maintaining communication with your supporters or language study cannot be passed off, but it can be revealing to see where you can build more synergy on your team according to giftings! For example, leaders on our team tended to dislike logistical work or hosting, and this responsibility was easily given to those who were more service or administrative oriented.
  
  This activity also helped us understand where we could team up people with different giftings. Evangelists struggled with followup and deep discipleship of new believers, while those with more teaching bent were drawn to those types of tasks. Naturally, it made sense to pair them up to have the people-gatherer and the deep relationship builder work together!

Perseverance is a Team Game

Teams can be a pain. And so, the Holy Spirit, out of His great mercy and love, gives us supernaturally empowered spiritual gifts not just to accelerate the ministry, but to edify and strengthen our teams. And these teams are where we can find the deep community, mutual sharpening and development, and encouragement we so desperately need in a ministry so far from home.

In the ten years that our team has existed, we have been afflicted and tested by sicknesses, criticisms, conflicts, and seemingly unending crises. And yet, most of our original teammates have remained on the field and are still faithfully pursuing the vision. People have asked us – why do you think so many of your team are still on the field? The first answer is purely because of God’s grace to sustain us. But the second reason might just be that having a strong community that loves each other and has each other’s back in any situation could be the critical component that has kept most of us on the field. Perseverance can be a team game, where we help one another as different parts of the same body to complete the vision that God has given to us!

Reflection Questions

• How are you feeling about team life? Why? 
• What do you hope team life on your team could look like? What needs to happen to reach that ideal? 
• How do your spiritual gifts affect how you lead your team? 
• Are you seeing teammates contribute their spiritual gifts to team life? Why or why not?  
• What are the spiritual gifts of those you lead? Where do they need to be developed in their giftings? Are they in a role that activates and allows them to live out of their giftings?

In the last two posts, we’ve talked about internal barriers for women in leadership. In my experience, it is more important to deal with the internal barriers, as they are issues that we can directly work on individually. Additionally, trying to deal with external barriers before our own hearts is unproductive.

However, as I have rubbed shoulders with other women on the field and other women ministry leaders, we tend to have shared experiences over a list of external barriers and obstacles that are particular to women in ministry. In this post, I want to detail some of the most common external barriers that I have encountered and researched, and ways to address these obstacles. While this list is not exhaustive, I hope it’s a good starting point to examine your own leadership situation, and to consider ways you can continue moving forward.

A Rude Awakening

My first month in full time ministry, Steven was invited to participate in meetings with other leaders in our organization. While these leaders met to discuss long term strategy and objectives, the wives didn’t participate but sat together on the back porch.

One of the wives, who had the longest ministry tenure and field experience, decided to gather us for a discussion to get to know one another. Her opening question – “how are we submitting to our husbands?”

Coming from working in tech and an immigrant family that placed high value on career success, this question, and the following answers, were pretty shocking.

“I love that my husband makes my schedule every day.”

“My husband is the leader, and I just enjoy discipling girls who I meet.” 

“I used to be more involved, but now I am at home raising our kids.” 

At the time, I was newly married, new to ministry, and uncertain and insecure about my role. But I was passionate about Thailand and desired to lead a team there with my husband. While I wanted to learn from these womens’ experiences, these answers did not sound like what I was looking for. So I asked a clarifying question. “I’m obviously very new to this, but what does it look like to lead out in your vision with your husband in missions?” 

The answer came from the woman who started the discussion. “We are not the leaders. We should try to submit to our husbands and do everything we can to support their vision. When we were overseas, there was a couple on our team where the wife flourished in the ministry work and her husband had a harder time. So she stopped doing her own ministry to dedicate all her time to helping him.” 

I respect all of these women. They are faithful and servant-hearted. But this answer shut me down. It felt like my deepest fears, questions, and insecurities about being a woman in ministry leadership were being confirmed. Women couldn’t be leaders here or have ministries independent of their husbands. Our only role was to support our husbands and to tend a home. I couldn’t see a pathway forward for me.

External Barriers

When I talk about external barriers, I am looking at the surrounding contexts, structures, and environments that might limit a woman from entering into or growing in leadership. This post will only cover a few of the most common barriers for women: the biases concerning women in ministry, lack of resources for development, and lack of access to leadership spaces.

While the primary audience for this article is intended for women in ministry leadership roles and those who aspire towards leadership, I want to affirm that if you are a woman who feels called to primarily supportive roles on a team or to a role of supporting your husband’s ministry and focusing on the family at home full-time, that is an amazing and beautiful thing! I truly believe that each of us should be obedient to whatever role God has called us to, and to be secure and joyful in it! My hope in writing this post is to help women who desire to obey a calling towards ministry leadership, but experience difficulties through various barriers.

Biases Around Women in Ministry

There are numerous biases concerning women in the workplace, in ministry, or in leadership. Two biases that particularly impact ministry contexts are that women are expected to be gentle helpers. And secondly, mothers are expected to primarily take care of the home and operate as supports for their husband’s ministry.

Fitting the Supportive Role

In many ministry contexts, women are generally expected to carry out supportive roles. Ministry roles for missionary women that are generally deemed acceptable include things like caretaking, relationship building, hospitality, raising children, or administrative work. In meetings, if I am the only woman in the room, it is often assumed I will take notes.

However, for women who are suited to lead outside these spheres, these stereotypes act as unseen barriers. Decades of research on these topics have concluded that Western societies judge men and women on different criteria. A 2014 study from Stanford University found that women were given “substantially more critical feedback than men in performance reviews”, a significant amount of that being “negative personality criticism” (Take Back Your Power, 13). Women who expressed their leadership were often described as aggressive or bossy, while men were lauded as assertive or confident. 

This means that women in ministry often have to balance a tightrope of appealing to biases so as to not offend, all the while finding ways to still exercise their leadership without smothering their own giftings or voice. An analysis of executive women leaders in missions organizations found that women leaders “…focused on the relational aspects of leading”, which are behaviors that are generally more acceptable for women, while “…[direct leadership] behaviors are used with care and may also be perceived as high risk [for the woman leader] (Playing by the Rules, 140).” I have been in many conversations where capable women have been passed over for greater responsibility due to a perception that they would be too angry or dominating because of the stereotype that women should be gentle helpers.

Mothers Should Stay Home

Another common bias that impacts women in ministry is a general confusion around the role of mothers. If women generally should take supportive roles, then a mother even more so is expected to primarily focus on her family and in supporting her husband’s ministry work. One study revealed that job applicants who mentioned they were mothers on their resumes were viewed as “less competent than child-free women or men”, or seen as less serious about their jobs (Take Back Your Power, 18). These biases are sometimes more blatant in ministry contexts as well depending on theological or cultural context. It seems silly, but for years I struggled with a fear that if we had a child, I would be “forced” out of ministry because a good missionary wife should primarily dedicate herself to ministry at home.

When our organization first wrote their maternity policy, they mirrored other similar evangelical organizations that offered a 10-day maternity leave and no paternity leave. This is a senseless amount of time to expect a woman to recover from labor, childbirth, and to adjust to motherhood. Although the heart behind this choice was to allow new mothers freedom to roll off of staff to focus on their children, it also revealed an unspoken expectation that mothers would not want to stay on staff and that they would be able to easily leave prior ministry commitments. However, for mothers who wanted to stay in the ministry and did not feel called to be at home full-time, returning to work in 10 days felt like an impossible task and many ended up leaving staff as a result. Though adjustment and transition are needed, having a child should not disqualify a mother from being a leader or serving in ministry.

How to Respond to Biases Around Women in Ministry

When considering leadership, it is important to be aware that these stereotypes exist and to respond to them in a humble and God honoring way. Sometimes we can be surprised when we realize we believe them ourselves! 

When you run into policies or people with biases about women in ministry or leadership, don’t jump to assumptions about a person’s intentions! Instead, ask questions and deliver helpful direct feedback. In my experience, people rarely have malicious intent, and usually there is a lack of understanding that can be brought to light and corrected. A helpful question could be something like, “can you help me understand how you reached that decision?” or “can you explain the history of that policy to me?” 

After gaining clarity, provide clear feedback. A good phrase to use is “I see where you’re coming from, but this is how I experience you / this policy / this situation.” While these conversations can feel risky to initiate, the goal should always be for mutual benefit – for you to express yourself authentically and for others to grow in understanding, and together to find solutions as co-laborers and not enemies. Try to prevent bringing frustration and anger into these conversations as, ironically, negative emotions can feed into an “angry woman” stereotype and end up stifling your influence. When humbly offered, I have found that most people have generally responded positively to feedback I have given.

If, despite your best efforts, things don’t change or people continue to not see their biases, don’t try to force your issue and get bogged down in these types of conversations. It is not our job to make everyone see our point of view. In these cases, pray and consider – what are creative solutions that can address the biases that are working against you?  Is there someone who can advocate for you? Is there an environment you need to leave? Is there forgiveness that you need to extend?

Lack of Resources for Development

In my own story, one of my biggest barriers to growing as a leader was that I had never seen it done before! In a study of 1,000 evangelical nonprofits, women represented only 16% of leaders at any level. When we don’t have a model to follow, it becomes that much harder to envision what stepping into leadership could look like. 

For years, I tried to be a leader based off of the example set by my male leaders. While there were many things I have learned from male mentors, they were still unable to fully help me navigate the uniqueness of being a female leader. And many of their methods of leadership didn’t work for me when I tried to put them into practice. Role stereotypes exist for men in leadership as well, and the type of male leader that is celebrated is usually someone strategic, direct, and who speaks well in front of a room. As someone who is not naturally wired this way, I despaired of ever becoming a “good leader” until I learned how to lead out in a way that was more instinctive and natural to who I am.

Along with lack of access to leadership examples and mentors, women leaders often have less opportunities for development. Like often attracts like, meaning that we are more drawn to people who are like us. In a missions leadership context, this means that male leaders will generally be more open to mentoring and coaching other men, or inviting men into more ministry or development opportunities. One of my male mentors’ main method of developing other leaders was to invite them to be “side by side”. He would bring someone he was trying to develop into all his meetings and ministry activities, have meals together, and debrief his thought process with them. This is an excellent way to bring someone up, but it is much easier for a male leader in ministry to invite a man into this type of mentorship than a woman. 

Biases about women’s roles, as previously mentioned, can also contribute to whether or not women will have access to resources and developmental opportunities. When we launched to the field, I was not given a supervisor since it was assumed my role would be to support Steven in his ministry. This meant that Steven received coaching, information, or opportunities for development from his supervisor that wouldn’t get to me other than as a trickle down from him. Too often, this can be a common situation with women in more conservative ministry organizations. Another prevalent situation is for single women to not receive adequate coaching from supervisors if a male supervisor has a conviction to not meet one on one with a woman.

How to Respond to Lack of Resources for Development

 If you find yourself in this situation of lacking models or developmental opportunities, my encouragement is to not let that stop you! Even if there aren’t others to help you develop actively or current models of women in leadership to follow, continue to pursue personal development by using tools like a personal development plan or a 360 evaluation to assess your strengths and weaknesses and find areas where you can grow. Read books (including the topical studies in the Bible!) and proactively ask for opportunities where you can serve, learn, and grow through experience. Sampling many types of ministry and service helps to clarify what kind of leader you might be.

At the same time, pray and ask God for a mentor and then seek one out. When Steven and I started leading, we were overwhelmed by all that we didn’t know how to do. How do we help teammates navigate conflict? How do we write a team MOU? What are the steps we should follow to see a church planting movement? Help! We wrote down a list of names of people who we respected and had expertise in the topics we needed help with, and asked them to speak into our lives and the situations we were dealing with. Over the years, this group has become a consistent source of mentorship and encouragement for us. In the same way, if you are looking for an example or someone to help you grow, seek out that person and ask them to help you! Though it can be scary to ask, most leaders are going to be honored that you have asked for their help and will be happy to lend their expertise.

Finally, as you seek out mentors, take time to network with other women leaders who are also running a similar race to you. Having a network of peers who can empathize with you addresses much of the loneliness many women leaders face from often being the only woman in the room.

For women reading this, who are 2-3 women you could ask to mentor you in your leadership journey? Who are 2-3 women who are in a similar leadership space as yours that you can connect with? Write those names down and begin to pray that they would say yes! 

Lack of Access to Leadership Spaces

Traditionally in our organization, after leaders came together for planning and meetings, they would spend time together at a bar with drinks. On top of building community, this informal time was used to debrief, share information, discuss new ministry assignments, and plan forward. In the business world, this time is called the “meeting after the meeting”, which is often where the real work gets done as people feel greater freedom to brainstorm and plan in a more informal setting. While I was privileged to sit around the table due to Steven’s advocacy in bringing me along, many women leaders in our organization found that the bar often felt inaccessible. In a Christian ministry, it felt vulnerable and uncomfortable for a woman to stay out late in a group of majority men with alcohol. The timing also made it basically impossible for mothers to join. The next morning, women leaders who missed the time at the bar would come into the meeting and find out that multiple decisions were made and responsibilities were given out without them ever hearing about it.

Oftentimes, growing in leadership in mission organizations and on ministry teams depends more on influence and who you know, rather than following an official pathway. A title doesn’t necessarily equate to leadership influence and authority. However, women are often underrepresented in the leadership rooms where they could receive coaching and development, build influence, express their desire to grow in leadership, or advocate for their perspectives. This can be incredibly frustrating for women who continually feel “passed over” as prospective leaders simply because they weren’t in the room. 

Additionally, though there are opportunities for skills development for overseas workers through seminars and trainings, I have observed that most participants and trainers are men. The reasoning is often that if someone needs to stay back, the wife is the default. Unfortunately, this results in exacerbating the previous issue of lack of examples. By not attending trainings, women seldom have an opportunity to see other women leading out in ministry, find like-minded mentors, or to meet with other women on the field with similar ministry responsibilities. 

How to Respond to Lack of Access to Leadership Spaces

For women leaders who are feeling overlooked, my first encouragement is to continue to serve humbly and with joy! We aren’t in ministry for a title or for man’s validation, but because God himself has called us into this work. If He has a leadership title or influence for us, then He will reveal the pathway forward. But to become angry, frustrated, or entitled will only sabotage ourselves more. Steven often encouraged me to, “assume I belong in the room.” If I assume that I belong and that my contribution and perspective matter already, then there is no need to fight for it.

That being said, there are some strategies that women can employ to receive greater access into leadership spaces. Firstly, express your desire to be a part of the leadership conversation! Most people are not badly intentioned or desire to deliberately block women from leadership spaces. However, they may not know you are interested, or that current systems do not lend themselves to being inviting towards women. In the situation with the drinks at the bar, my feedback to the main male leader was to have that time in one of the women leaders’ homes instead of the bar, and to explicitly invite women leaders.

While it may feel risky, continue to ask for clarity. What is required to enter this leadership room? How are decisions being made? Is there a place where I can contribute my input and voice? After expressing your desire and receiving clarity, if nothing is blocking you, show up and represent yourself well! Even if you are the only woman, it only takes one to be a barrier breaker. 

Deb Liu, CEO of ancestry.com, recommends including 4 elements in your ask: your desire, the why, the timing, and a specific invitation for how this person could help you now. For example, instead of just saying you want to be a team leader, say something along the lines of, “I have focused on training disciplemaking tools for the last few years and I would love a chance to grow and learn more about leading others to do the same things. In the coming year, could I shadow you as you lead the team, and also take on some smaller leadership assignments?”

Secondly, find an advocate or a sponsor. While a mentor is someone who can consult, encourage, and share wisdom over specific topics, an advocate is someone who can represent you and your viewpoint in leadership spaces and can vouch for your ideas to other leaders, clearing the way for you to enter the room. If you’re desiring to be a leader, a sponsor can open the path for you with decision makers in your organization. According to a study of business leaders by Sylvia Ann Hewlett, men are 46% more likely than women to have true sponsors. In my case, Steven was my greatest advocate. He saw me as a leader and reported truthfully on my contributions. He also deliberately brought me into his meetings and into leadership spaces so that other leaders might experience working with me, and so that I could grow in my own confidence.

Take the First Step!

As we consider the myriad of obstacles and issues that must be overcome in order for women to fully embrace their leadership, it can be so easy to feel discouraged. Is it even worth the effort? The painful conversations? The risk? 

Throughout my leadership journey, I have felt humiliated, exposed, hurt, and overwhelmed more times than I can count. If it was up to me, I would have given up hundreds of times, except that the Lord kept making clear to me in Scripture, community, circumstances, and prayer, that His calling on me was to serve as a leader! 

God is so faithful that He will not be satisfied with anything less than us becoming who He intends for us to be as leaders.

If you hear that call, even if it’s small right now, I want to encourage you to surrender to Him the barriers that hold you back and ask Jesus to help you take the first step. He will supply every need as you step into the good works He has for you!

Application and Reflection

1. Pray and ask God – Are you sensing that God is calling you to leadership? What internal or external barriers are keeping you from embracing that calling?
2. What is something you can do to address current barriers you may face today?  
3. Who are you going to share or encourage with what you learned today?

As we close out 2024, the Missions Leaders Blog has been around for about 18 months. We’ve been thankful for the opportunity to share lessons and encourage other leaders who are pursuing pioneering work among the unreached.

We have some exciting things in store for 2025, as we launch a new ministry focused on helping missions team and ministry leaders abide, lead effectively, and pursue multiplying ministry throughout the world.

But for now, here are some of the top posts from 2024 along with some of our favorites!

Most-Read Posts in 2024

1. Team Conflict
2. Women in Leadership
   • Other posts from Women in Leadership:
   • Internal Barriers (Part 1)
   • Internal Barriers (Part 2)
3. Spiritual Warfare Part 1 and Part 2
4. Be Barnabas – What is a NAV?
   • Other posts from the Be Barnabas series:
   • Be Barnabas: Intro & Mint’s Story
   • Why Be Barnabas?
   • Who Was Barnabas from the Bible?
   • How to Find a NAV
   • How to Partner with a NAV
   • Be Barnabas – Life Together
5. Lessons from Cancer: Suffering Leads to Surrender
   • Other posts from the Lessons from Cancer series:
   • Lessons from Cancer: Surrender the Self to the Point of Death
   • Lessons from Cancer: Receive Resurrection Life and Power

Team Conflict continuing to be a highly read post just highlights for us how prevalent and intense of a topic interpersonal conflicts on missions teams continues to be. Although this topic arguably has the most resources, team conflict can be an issue that can make or break teams. In the past 10 years, Jenn in particular has mediated several conflicts in and out of our team (including an 8 hour session this past year). Please reach out to contact@missionsleaders.com if you’re desiring specific coaching around conflict mediation!

Women in Leadership takes the second spot! Research shows that single women outnumber single men on the field up to a ratio of 7 to 1! And despite the great need for leaders among the unreached, there remains significant confusion and numerous internal and external barriers for women to enter into roles of missions leadership. Jenn will continue to break down these issues to encourage and empower women throughout the unreached to take up the role God has called them to!

Spiritual Warfare was one of our earliest posts, and one that people ask us about most frequently. The Enemy’s opposition is strongest against those pushing forward the Kingdom on the front lines. Goers, and especially leaders, need to be equipped and able to equip others to engage in spiritual warfare.

The role of Barnabas and lessons of suffering that lead to surrender and resurrection life are two of the topics that we felt were most important for us to share on this blog.

Our Favorite 2024 Posts

1. Reflections from 10 Years on the Field – Part 1 and Part 2
2. Be Barnabas – Life Together
3. How to Recruit Teammates Part 1 and Part 2

Reflections from 10 Years on the Field was the culmination of Steven’s processing during our first sabbatical this past summer. The sheer volume of intensity and weightiness from our time starting a new team and leading it to expand into three teams was surprising and churned up a lot of emotions to bring to the Lord. But ultimately, that reflection and processing led to gratitude and joy that God allowed us to be a part of so many significant moments, relationships, and Kingdom opportunities.

Be Barnabas – Life Together is one of our favorite posts, not only from the series, but overall. We were both in tears as we wrote this post, praising God for allowing us to have such close relationships with our Thai partners. There are many biblical and strategic reasons to take a Barnabas role as an outsider pursuing movements, but the relationships we get to invest in and that we receive blessing from are some of the things we most cherish from our time on the field.

How to Recruit Teammates is similarly another topic that many new team leaders ask us about. Ultimately, the Lord will bring the right people to your team. Although it can be a pain sometimes (a lot of times!) to enter into all the cultural transitions, interpersonal conflict, and personal development issues that come with leading new teammates, looking back at how the Lord has given us some of our closest friends and co-workers filled us with thankfulness that we had the privilege to lead others towards Jesus and his purposes.

That’s it for 2024! We’re eager and ready to post more resources and stories for missions leaders in 2025. To those reading, may Jesus draw so nearly to you through abiding that you experience oneness with him, and that oneness would lead to many others to know the hope that we have in him.

In the last post, I broke down some of the most common ways I have noticed women leaders in ministry tend to self-sabotage. In this post, I will continue with two more examples of internal barriers. If you are a female leader reading, ask the Holy Spirit to help identify areas that he would have you grow in, without shame or guilt. For male leaders, ask the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom for how to navigate these issues with women that you may lead or work with.

Not Leveraging Our Emotional Intelligence as Leaders 

For years, I felt like being soft-hearted was one of my greatest weaknesses in leadership. When people shared their hardships with me, I would cry openly. Steven teases me that I can’t hide my face – if I’m angry, frustrated, sorrowful, or amused, everyone will know it. I was ashamed of this trait until one day, a woman I was leading told me “I love that you are a strategic leader, but also an emotional one.” What I hadn’t realized was that my tears were actually key to building trust with her, and that my openness created space for her to feel like she could be authentic in how she felt too.

What it is: One of the greatest strengths many women leaders bring to the table is emotional EQ and empathy. Many female business leaders tend toward empathetic and collaborative leadership styles that involve deeper relationship building and personal connection. And while both men and women have emotions and express them, many professional and leadership contexts still hold to the tradition of “keeping emotions at the door”. Women who show emotion will more quickly be stereotyped as “hysterical” or more “irrational”, while men are usually given a pass. Ironically, women who are less prone to showing emotion can be stereotyped as “cold”. Consequently, women who are more connected with their emotions are often not trained to appreciate or leverage their emotions in their leadership for God’s glory, but instead may feel pressure to stuff down their emotions to avoid a stereotype.

Underlying beliefs: When we have weaker emotional control or understanding, we may believe that our emotions are simply too much. We may feel like we are out of control and weak, or that emotions sabotage our leadership. As a result, we fear portraying our authentic selves to others because we internalize that who we truly are is embarrassing, could never be accepted, and would end up only burdening others.

What Poorly Leveraged Emotions Look like:  

• Suppressing emotions – Western society has generally limited what emotions are appropriate for women to essentially always wearing a smile. But women experience a whole gamut of emotions, including negative ones! So we often associate emotions with weakness or disapproval, and will do everything in our power to not express them. This creates dissonance within ourselves and causes others to perceive us as unapproachable. In addition, the longer we bottle up our emotions, the more likely we are to overreact.
• Manipulation – Sometimes, our emotions can take over. We may lash out in anger, gaslight, or cry to manipulate and win sympathy from others. Women without control over their emotions may be seen as volatile and untrustworthy.

How to address poorly leveraged emotions: God created women in his image, and a unique thing about God is that he also experiences emotions! Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus (John 11:35), turned over tables in righteous anger (Matthew 21:12-13), and rejoiced in the Spirit (Luke 10:21). Our emotions help us to connect with God’s heart, and to reflect him to the world when we express our emotions out of the security, safety, and union that we experience in Christ. We don’t have to be ashamed of them. If you want to learn more about how to leverage emotions, we wrote an article on emotional thriving on the field.

When women leaders are unable to properly express their emotions or understand how to leverage emotions into their leadership, we lose a huge opportunity. Being vulnerable in our emotions allows us to display our authentic selves and to invite others to do the same. More often than not, properly leveraged emotion draws others towards us. The heart of ministry is always the people, and people are complex, messy, and emotional. Learning to be comfortable in our own feelings allows us to understand and be comfortable with others’ emotions too. This allows us to build empathy and collaboration into our leadership. 

Application:

• Learn to be curious about your emotions. At any given time when you experience strong feelings, pause to consider where those emotions are coming from. What are your emotions telling you about your values, motives, situation, needs, and your place in it? What are they telling you about the values, situation, motives, needs, etc. of those you lead? A helpful tool to use is the Emotions Wheel.
• Step away when feeling emotionally overwhelmed and surrender your feelings to Jesus to carry. An easy tell for when you are emotionally “flushed” can include behaviors like complaining about others, speaking poorly of others, feeling overtaken by a feeling, or dumping raw emotions and venting onto a listener. It may take at least 10 minutes to calm down when you feel “flushed.” Learn to ask for time to process. “I want to take some time on this one and I’ll get back to you.” In that time, pray and ask Jesus to carry your emotions for you, and to help you sort through them.
• Share your feelings, not just information or directions, while maintaining proper boundaries! If you are emotionally aware and comfortable in expressing your emotions, those you lead will likely feel more comfortable being authentic with you. Ask those you lead for feedback, if you are uncertain how they received it.

Perfectionism

One of our best leaders in Thailand was a self-proclaimed perfectionist when she first launched overseas. And for her whole life, perfectionism served her well. She was excellent at almost everything she attempted and was the one you always could depend on. But when she landed in Thailand, language learning nearly broke her. No matter how hard she tried, planned, practiced, she couldn’t ever hear the tones of the Thai language. In a matter of weeks, she went from the consistent excellence she was always used to, to bottom of the class, just struggling to keep up with her husband and teammates. She had never not attained what she worked for, but the ability to pick up language was completely out of her control. Everybody around her had a front row seat to her failures. What must they be thinking of her? Every day she went to class, she experienced more shame at what a failure she was. 

What is it: Perfectionism is the tendency to demand an extremely high or even flawless performance, in excess of what is required by the situation. Perfectionists maintain this high standard by controlling their own behavior, others, a narrative, or circumstances.

Perfectionism particularly impacts women because social messaging often portrays ideal women in confusing contrasts – beautiful but not tempting, nurturing others but never expressing personal needs, smart and assertive but not bossy, and always smiling – leaving women spinning as they try to be all things at once. 

Underlying Beliefs: Perfectionists learn that people value them for what they do instead of who they are and come to see their worth as contingent upon other people’s approval regarding their contribution. This leaves them dependent on external validation and highly vulnerable to criticism. To protect themselves, perfectionists adopt the false belief that being “perfect” or achieving “perfect work” is their best defense against criticism and is the way to secure the future they desire. Perfectionist thoughts sound like, “if I can get this right, I can attain what I need and God will come through for me (or love me). It’s up to me. I can’t make mistakes.”

What Perfectionism Looks Like: 

• Having a standard for yourself that is higher than the standard you would say is appropriate for others.
• Overwork and the inability to rest or delegate. Perfectionists will often take on the work of others (including work that really belongs to the Holy Spirit and not us!). Over time, working too hard leads to joylessness. 
• Deep shame in failures and mistakes creates an inability to learn from those failures, admit mistakes, or receive critical feedback. 
• Lacking grace for others when they make mistakes. Judging and competing with others. If other people perform better, they may become a competitor for the validation you seek. 
• Oftentimes, those who are led by perfectionists may feel anxious, controlled, and pressured to be similarly perfect.

How Jesus Addresses Perfectionism: Freedom from perfectionism is found in the truths of the gospel. Perfection is impossible for us apart from Christ, and no amount of effort, discipline, or control will ever attain it. That’s why Jesus achieved perfection for us (Hebrews 2:10)! And through his death and resurrection, the inheritance of Jesus is yours by grace, not works (Colossians 1:12, Ephesians 1:3). Therefore, there is no need for striving, anxiety, or fear. Your work, your vision, and your fruitfulness is ultimately God’s responsibility, and he will accomplish it through you if you will surrender your methods for his (1 Corinthians 3:5-7)!

We also can remember the examples of biblical leaders who “failed” or did not have a perfect reputation, like David, Rahab, Peter, the Samaritan woman, or the sinful woman. How did God respond to these people? Despite making major mistakes, God still chose, anointed, and used these people in powerful ways. In fact, many times it was their weakness that magnified and enhanced the perfection of God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). 

Application: For perfectionists, battling perfectionism can feel like a lost cause because a mistake can trigger intense shame and hopelessness. But keep learning to extend grace to yourself every step of the way, and trust that it is Jesus who will give you freedom!

• Acknowledge your limitations and take intentional time to meditate on and receive God’s love for you, and how much he desires to show up for you in your weakness. Figure out what triggers your feelings of perfectionism / control. In what situations do you most feel like God won’t come through? What are the worst case scenarios that constantly play in your mind? Who are the people you most need to impress? As you learn to better recognize your triggers in the moment, take a step back, surrender whatever it is you’re trying to control, and remind yourself of your identity in Christ. 
• Set reasonable goals that make sense for yourself and for others, and preemptively surrender the outcomes. Sometimes it helps to run your goals through others to make sure they aren’t unrealistic. Practice delegating responsibilities to others. And fight the urge to hover or dictate how other people complete these assignments. 
• Set strong personal boundaries to prevent overwork. Schedule in times to rest, connect with community, and to disconnect from work.
• Own mistakes gracefully and view them as an opportunity to learn. Practice self affirmations when receiving feedback – “I make mistakes and that’s okay. God can use my mistakes for His glory.”

In reading lists like this, it is easy to feel discouraged. I know that I have personally struggled with each of these internal barriers, and sometimes become overwhelmed at what it will take to keep growing in order to be the leader that God has purposed me to be. But my encouragement to you is that finding freedom from these obstacles is not your sole responsibility. In fact, your sanctification and growth is the responsibility of the Holy Spirit, and he has every resource and wisdom to do so. Philippians 1:6 is a great comfort to me: 

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 1:6

The leader I mentioned in the section on perfectionism experienced this promise. Here is the rest of her story:  

“The language learning season was the most painful, prolonged, and difficult season of my life to that point. I was the kind of person who never did anything that I wasn’t good at and only focused on the things that I was good at and that ‘worked’ for most of my life. I fell into a deep and dark depression, wrestled with suicidal thoughts, and became a shell of a person.

Even in the midst of that darkness, I knew the Lord was with me and was doing something in me. I know now that God was using that season to show me the ugliness and wickedness of my sin. Perfectionism which is rooted in pride is sin. Ironically, I prided myself on my perfectionism because it was how I achieved many things in my life. I finally saw perfectionism for what it was and realized it was not just an empty promise or a bad coping strategy but that it was destroying me.

The Lord lifted me out of the pit. Once I understood what perfectionism was and what it was costing me, I wanted it gone forever. I didn’t want to be ruled by it anymore. The Lord supplied the faith I needed in the moment to believe and trust that He could heal me forever of perfectionism, and He did. 

Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses.

Acts 13:38-39-38

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1

These verses were so precious to me in that season. The heart of Christ is to free his people from their sins. Christ has purchased our freedom and the FULLNESS of our freedom. It’s so much more rich and vast and beautiful than we could ever imagine. But sometimes we fail to take Jesus up on his promise and live out of these truths. This doesn’t mean that process will be easy and pain-free, but it’s so worth it. I would walk through that season again just to live out of the freedom I have been walking in.” 

This story happened ten years ago, and this leader would say confidently that God healed her of her perfectionism. She hasn’t struggled with it since. Not only that, in the past ten years she has gone on to disciple and develop women on our team and dozens of Thai women (speaking in Thai!), and take on leadership of her own team. Currently, their team and their Thai ministry partners are seeing weekly baptisms and churches planted in some of the least reached parts of Thailand!

God knew what he was doing when he called you into leadership. He knew who you were and still desires to not only work with you, but IN you! He wants to finish the good work he began in you at salvation by helping you find freedom from impostor syndrome, perfectionism, the need for approval, and uncontrolled emotions. Our job is to simply surrender these things to him in faith, trusting that the Holy Spirit will give you the power, guidance, and desire to overcome. 

Take a moment to pray with the Lord: 

• What would it look like if he freed you from all the obstacles in your heart that hinder your leadership? 
• What would you attempt for God? 
• What could he accomplish through you?

This content was co-written with my friend LB who previously served as a team leader in East Asia and is currently serving in member care.

In the previous post, I shared about my leadership journey and the unique internal tension I felt about being a woman leader in ministry and on the mission field. Though I felt called and affirmed by God to step into leadership on our team in Thailand, I also continually struggled with doubt, anxiety, fear, and anger. While it was easy for me to blame these feelings on outside circumstances or people, I eventually came to the difficult conclusion that many (if not the majority) of my tensions were self-generated.

When God calls someone into leadership, he is primarily concerned with that person’s character and heart. Who we are is just as important to God as what we do for him. A person could learn every leadership development framework or tool, but without a heart freed from lies and filled with the identity found in Christ, their leadership will never reach its fullest potential.

In this post, I will focus on the most common ways that women leaders (including myself!) sabotage ourselves in the secret places of our inner lives and hearts. Before we can even begin to address external barriers or specific contexts, we want to always start by looking inward. While this list could also apply to men, I have noticed women in particular tend to struggle with these areas. Research suggests that one reason for this comes from gender-role stereotypes, which means that our social understanding and expectations of what it means to be a leader coincides more with an expression of male leadership than female leadership. Because of this, women leaders find they often need to navigate through unspoken rules and expectations that society does not necessarily place on men. For example, male leaders who speak up are applauded as confident and assertive, but women who speak up can often be labeled as “bossy” or “pushy.” So we often end up adopting self-sabotaging mindsets and behaviors as a way to cope (Playing By the Rules, 12).

As you read through these examples, ask the Holy Spirit to highlight any you may struggle with and ask how He might help you find freedom.

Imposter Syndrome

A few years ago, Steven and I were invited to a meeting of other team leaders around the world to discuss strategic ways to onboard and train new missionaries. Those attending, mostly men, seated themselves at the multiple tables in a large conference room, but I hung back paralyzed about where I was supposed to sit. It felt like the middle school cafeteria all over again! 

All the women in the room, mostly stay at home moms who were not involved in their teams or in ministry, fit around one single table. Do I shrink over to the women’s table, simply there as “Steven’s wife?” Or do I join the tables with the other men and get to talk about ministry?

Would they acknowledge me as a leader?

I ended up shuffling over to the table of women and sitting with them. Because discussions were organized by table, I ended up not being able to participate in any of the discussions as my table was assumed to be non-participants. After the meetings, Steven asked me, “why didn’t you sit at the main tables? You have just as much experience and just as much to say as anyone else here.” I felt ashamed by this question, because what Steven said was true! I did have experience as a leader and had unique things to contribute. But instead of trusting that God had called me to be a leader and to bring my unique perspective, I chose to hide (literally!) and diminished my own voice.

What Is It: Imposter syndrome is a feeling of unworthiness tied to our self identity, particularly in leadership spaces. Kate Coleman describes imposter syndrome as “…profound feelings of self-doubt and pervasive feelings of being unqualified” (7 Deadly Sins of Women in Leadership, 7). In a 2020 KPMG study of 750 female executive leaders, 75% reported regularly experiencing imposter syndrome, mostly because they never expected they would ever attain such a position. In that same study, over half of the participants revealed a fear that they would never meet expectations. 

We can experience imposter syndrome for a variety of reasons, from societal messaging that presents men as ideal leaders, the roles we played in our families, or our own lack of self esteem, just to name a few. Deb Liu, CEO of Ancestry.com, elaborates on why women tend to experience imposter syndrome more – “this feeling is even more acute when you are ‘the only,’ someone who doesn’t look like everyone else. You feel singled out. You are not only being judged on your merits but also feel the weight of being different (Take Back Your Power, 63).” Many times, women leaders are the only women in the leadership room. It can be hard to feel like you belong when no one else looks like you.

What Impostor Syndrome Looks Like: The way we display impostor syndrome can take a multitude of forms. Here are some of the ways I have seen it play out for myself and other women leaders: 

• Inauthenticity or “shrinking to fit” – pretending to be the ideal person who actually belongs in the leadership role and becoming less of your authentic self. Changing yourself to match the archetype of who actually fits.
• Fear of taking risks or of volunteering for assignments that carry a risk of failure.
• Inability to take feedback well. Constructive feedback will feel like a confirmation of all your insecurities and positive feedback will feel like a lie.
• Inability to ask for help for fear of revealing that you don’t have everything together, and isolating to make sure no one finds you out. 

Underlying Beliefs: When we experience impostor syndrome, common messages we tell ourselves may sound like, “I’m not good / smart / talented / liked / experienced enough. I don’t belong in leadership because I don’t look or sound like other leaders. Everyone, including God, was wrong to think that I might have something to contribute because they don’t know who I really am. I have to hide who I really am from everyone else or else they all will be disappointed.” 

How Jesus Addresses Impostor Syndrome: We must battle the lies of impostor syndrome with the truth of who Jesus says we are. The Bible says that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8-9). Jesus fully knows who we are and he chose to love us, save us, and adopt us into his family. Not only that, he has given you a leadership assignment and good works that only you can do (Ephesians 2:10). He promises to finish the good work of sanctification that he started in us (Philippians 1:6). And in fact, you are not a fraud because the Bible says that you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:21) and a royal priest (1 Peter 2)! 

When we believe the lies of impostor syndrome, we reject the identity that Christ died to purchase for us. We defy God’s vision of who he wants us to be and replace it with a lesser identity based on our fears and insecurities. But you don’t need to change yourself into a certain kind of person to “belong in the room”, or shrink back from faithful risk-taking in your leadership. God knows who you are and desires for you to lead as you are.

Application: If you find yourself falling into impostor syndrome in your leadership, here are some things you can do.

• Memorize scripture about your identity. Remember your leadership call and find confidence in your identity from Jesus first. Remember that if Jesus was the one who called you to leadership, then you absolutely belong in the room because he was the one who placed you there. 
• Know and celebrate what you bring to the table, as well as what you don’t. This helps you to portray your authentic leadership, and also keeps us from drifting into pretending to be who we are not. Find mentors and peers who you trust to guide and speak truthfully to you about who you are and to help you not deviate towards pretending. 
• Learn to accept feedback and mistakes gracefully, without shame or over apologizing. All leaders have weaknesses, and we miss out on crucial development when we are terrified of constructive feedback.

Desiring the Approval of Man over God

Early on in our team, I led a girl who was very talented in the ministry work but struggled with anger. We were good friends and I knew where these struggles had come from and that she wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt people with her sharp comments. However, though it was my job to manage and develop her, I found myself often pulling my punches. I withheld feedback and made excuses for her behavior (despite often being on the receiving end of her frustration) because I feared hurting her feelings, making her dislike me, or of having to deal with the fallout that might come my way if I did share what I truly thought. I prioritized winning her approval – or avoiding her disapproval – over being faithful to do or say what I knew the Lord was asking me to do in order to lead her well.

What is it: Desiring man’s approval is the act of placing others before God in your life. This includes being afraid of someone, holding someone in too high esteem, being controlled or mastered by people, putting excessive trust in people, or needing people to fill needs that God should fulfill.

What Needing Man’s Approval Over God Looks Like: 

• Needing constant validation from people – our leaders, those we lead, peers, family, anyone! When it’s not received, we can shut down in despair, or try to hunt for it in the form of attention seeking. It might look like fixating on trying to guess what other people are thinking of you.
• Needing man’s approval leads to people pleasing behavior. When we people please, we change ourselves to match other peoples’ expectations, thus affecting our ability to say “no” or to have proper boundaries with others. We may deprioritize our own responsibilities, ideals, or values in order to not rock the boat. But over time, this may cause us to feel like we are compromising ourselves in order to maintain approval. 
• Fear of making decisions and being held responsible for those decisions. Leaders often will be the lone voice or final decision maker for a team, and this is a daunting and heavy responsibility. It is almost impossible to make everyone happy all the time, and people who struggle with approval will have trouble trusting their own perspectives and logic enough to confidently own the responsibility or repercussions of their decisions.

Underlying Beliefs: My value / security / protection is found in how people perceive me. I am not enough and need affirmation that only other people can give me. God’s approval of me is not enough or not guaranteed.

How Jesus Addresses Fear of Man: When we struggle with a need for the approval of man over God, we forget that we are called to love and fear God above all else. When we love God first, we find that he is perfect, deserving, and the safest person to anchor our value and security on (Proverbs 29:25). We cannot call ourselves a servant of Christ if we value man’s approval over God’s (Galatians 1:10). His is the only approval that matters. From there, we find hope in the things God says of us. God loves us so much that he invites us to enjoy the fullness of union with Christ (John 15:1-10). How could God disapprove of us when we are one with the Son, who is absolutely approved of by the Father? We are valued, seen, and secure in God, and so we have freedom from needing it from fallible and imperfect people.

Application: 

• Have mentors and peers who you can consult and process with in your leadership decisions, and who you can trust to give you loving and trustworthy feedback.
• Know your triggers for when you start falling into patterns of approval seeking from people. In what situations and with whom do you start to dwell on what people are thinking of you? In what situations and with whom do you find yourself assuming peoples’ expectations or  intentions? Who can you never disappoint? 
• Plan well before meetings where you will have to make decisions, especially those with people whose approval you seek. What are you there to say? What are your non-negotiables, limits, and requests? Pause before saying “yes” and take 1 minute to assess your motives. If you say yes, what is the cost? 
• If you are hesitant to give feedback or to say hard things, consider what the cost of not saying something might be. In many cases, leaders are the only ones with the visibility into a person’s life and authority to be able to speak in, and our silence may rob a person we lead of critical development. 

These two internal barriers both come from not viewing ourselves rightly compared to how God sees us. When we judge our own value based off of things like other people’s opinions or societal stereotypes of what a leader should be or look like, we will often compromise ourselves to fit. We shrink back from risks and acts of faith that are required for bold leaders. This deeply saddens the heart of God, as he doesn’t see us or value us through any of those lenses. Instead, he desires that we would embrace fully the way he has created us and lead out of a confidence that our value is found in Christ alone!

Processing Questions

• Are internal barriers preventing you from stepping into greater influence or leadership?
• What are some internal barriers that keep you from being the leader God has called you to be? 
• Where do your internal barriers come from? How have you seen them play out in your life?
• How does God see you today? What are some truths from scripture that can help you remember this? 

In the second part of internal barriers for women in leadership, we’ll address two other significant topics – perfectionism and shame in our emotions.

Currently, women make up ⅔ of the missionary workforce! However, there is often a staggering lack of women in leadership positions in field contexts and mission organizations. For example, of the 200 organizations in MissioNexus, the largest professional association of evangelical mission agencies in North America, only 5 have women at the executive level (Playing By The Rules, 11). 

My own leadership journey was filled with confusion, barriers, mistakes, and a lot of failing forward. There are many women currently with overlooked leadership giftings, experiences, and calling who aren’t exercising that leadership to the benefit of mission teams because of both internal and external barriers. I believe that when women are released into their leadership God will work powerfully through them for his glory among the unreached!

My Story

Committing to moving and serving overseas was an incredibly difficult process for me. Though my heart longed for Thai people to know Jesus, there were significant fears that I had to work through before I could fully surrender to God’s calling for me to go. And one of my primary tension points was that I feared that being a leader as a woman meant that I was sinning against God.

Our sending church adheres to complementarian theology and tends to celebrate more traditional gender roles. I had never seen a woman leader outside of kids or women’s ministries, and wondered if I could have a role outside those spheres. After we got married, whenever Steven and I were in rooms of other ministry leaders, I started counting how many male leaders would greet me or even make eye contact. Unfortunately, the number was always very low, as most people assumed Steven was a leader whose wife tagged along. Even our leaders in our organization thought this way, and I was warned that I better do as much ministry while I could because I would be “taken out once [I] have kids.” While there is good intent and wisdom in that statement about the realities of being a mom in ministry, I received it with frustration and discouragement.

Throughout college, I had participated in and served on a leadership team over a 300 person campus ministry. Steven and I had together received vision, passion, and calling for Thailand through similar experiences and over a similar timeframe. I felt deep ownership over the team and vision that we were forming, and I desired to lead alongside Steven. But I had so many questions. Is it Biblical for women to be leaders? Can men and women co-lead together? What does that look like?

Our first year on the field was extremely difficult. My hidden questions, when met with cultural stress, stirred up into anger and accusation. No way was I going to be invisible! I was going to lead with my husband! It was my vision too! I pestered Steven ad nauseum, asking to be part of meetings he was going to. Questioning his decisions. Refusing on principle to do household chores (although, maybe I always would have done that). 

Steven, on his part, was confused. In his mind, when he had asked me to marry him, he always had expected me to be a ministry partner and co-leader with him. He discussed plans with me, facilitated team meetings with me, and brought me to networking opportunities. And he patiently bore with my obstinate antics, until one day in the midst of a spiraling complaining speech, he blurted out – “Who is oppressing you?”

Although he meant it as a joke, that one question made reconsider my whole perspective. This whole time, I was operating under the assumption that I was the only one able to advocate for myself and that Steven was only grudgingly humoring me in my desire to lead with him. Instead of trusting him and communicating, I projected my insecurities about my place in leadership onto Steven and felt like I had to fight him for a “place at the table.” But as we continued to discuss this topic (without my passive aggressive lashing out), we realized that we actually had always wanted the same things, but simply needed to get on the same page. 

I began to take proactive steps to grow in my own leadership, with much encouragement from my husband and our team. There were plenty of external obstacles, such as a lack of examples of women leaders, or lack of clarity in communication and expectations with my husband, organization, and sending church. But I realized that my greatest obstacle was my own lack of confidence that this was actually something God had called me to do. I needed to learn that my leadership was not sinful, but actually my form of obedience to God.

My View On Women in Leadership

After years of studying the Word on this topic, I believe that the Bible is incredibly empowering towards women who desire to step into leadership. The Bible is full of women leaders from Deborah (Judges 4-5) and Esther in the Old Testament, to Lydia (Acts 16:14-15) who led a house church, and Priscilla (and Aquila) (Acts 18:18-28) who co-labored with Paul in the New Testament. Jesus honors women in his interactions with them (Luke 10:38-42), going out of his way to speak to and encourage women (John 4), and the first witnesses of his resurrection were women (John 20:11-18).

My conviction in complementarianism is that there are certain roles and responsibilities that are set aside for men, namely elders (1 Timothy 3:1) in a local church and headship for husbands with their wives (Ephesians 5:22-23). Apart from that, men and women who are believers are commanded to honor one another, serve one another, counsel one another, and submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21, Romans 12:10, Romans 15:4). 

However, in my understanding of ministry leadership on the field, the role of a team leader isn’t the same of that of a local church elder, and I believe that women can be team leaders and can even supervise men. A clear example of this is Apollos, one of the greatest evangelists ever, was taught by both Priscila and Aquila (Acts 18:24-26).

I understand that this is a nuanced and potentially difficult topic for many. If you come from a tradition, organization, or church that has a different stance than what I described above, that’s okay! What matters is that you personally work out this question with the Lord and the Word with total honesty, until you reach a point of peace that you are obeying as God would have you do.

What Can Women Do?

Much of the discussion around womens’ roles centers on what a woman cannot do. Can a woman teach, and if so, who can she teach? Can she exercise authority? While I understand the desire for clarity on these sorts of questions, I have found that this discussion is much more empowering and productive when we focus on what the Bible says about what women CAN do – which is a whole lot! 

Exercise Gifts

When I first started leading our team, one of the most cunning lies that Satan repeated was that I didn’t look like a leader. In my mind, a leader commanded a room, led meetings, always had the right answer, and was strategically minded. I thought that being a leader was leading in the way that Steven did. And anyone who has ever met us knows that we exist on two opposite spectrums.

For years I tried to lead like him. I awkwardly interrupted meetings because I felt like I needed to say something decisive. I tried to learn and speak in strategic terms, and project out long term ministry objectives. But most of these attempts felt clunky and awkward, because I wasn’t leading as myself using the spiritual gifts God had given me.

Paul teaches about spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12:

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.

Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good

– 1 Corinthians 12:4-7

Gifts are given by the Holy Spirit’s will, for the common good. It is our responsibility to use our gifts, and employ them toward advancing God’s kingdom. Notice in this passage, there is nothing that distinguishes the gifts by gender. This includes giftings that are typically attributed to men like teaching, apostleship, or leadership.

What this also means is that it’s vital that women are able to know and work out of their own spiritual gifts. For me, my giftings include leadership, exhortation, and prophecy. My leadership doesn’t have to and shouldn’t necessarily look like Steven’s leadership. Instead, I have found that my best role in leadership is in exhorting our teammates and Thai partners to persevere and to develop toward greater Christ-likeness. “Hard conversations” have become my niche, and I am content to let Steven lead out on strategy conversations, though we both participate, give feedback, and support the other when they are taking the lead. I am thankful that God allows us to lead as we are!

For women reading this, do you know your spiritual gifts? Are you able to utilize your giftings on a regular basis? For women leaders – does your leadership role allow you to use your gifts? Are you aware of your teammates’ spiritual gifts and are you able to lead them toward roles that best maximize them?

Make Disciples

The last thing that Jesus said to his disciples before he ascended to heaven was the Great Commission. 

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

-Matthew 28:18-20

Out of Jesus’ own authority, all believers, male or female, are commanded to make disciples, to baptize them, and to teach these disciples how to obey God. Like giftings, the Great Commission is not dependent on gender! Therefore, women can and should be encouraged to make disciples who multiply, not only so that more may hear about Jesus but also for their own personal obedience to Christ.

When we consider that 51% of the unreached are women and that ⅔ of all goers are women, it is far too costly to exclude women from leadership and ministry work. By pulling women out of the equation, the potential missionary labor force is cut by more than half.

In our work in Thailand, we partner with National Apostolic Visionaries in trying to multiply movements of disciples and churches. Again, if the giftings of the Spirit are not limited according to gender, how many National Apostolic leaders could be women? Without women mission leaders to encourage and empower female NAVs, what opportunities for kingdom expansion are being missed? But when women are welcomed into leadership and given freedom to exercise their gifts fully, the Holy Spirit will use our contributions to glorify the name of Jesus! 

If you are a woman in leadership, or even considering leadership, is your whole team (male and female) equipped and confident to raise up disciple makers? If not, how can you develop them? Spend some time praying and asking God – what is my role in the Great Commission? Who have you called me to influence and disciple? Are there any female NAVs that you would have me walk alongside and empower? How will you use my leadership to multiply the gospel? 

For men reading this, reflect in prayer and ask God – are there women in my sphere who I could encourage toward leadership? How? Am I cultivating an environment where women can exercise their giftings?

Lead!

Regardless of where you land theologically on women’s roles in leadership, there are plenty of ways to build out roles that exercise your unique leadership and giftings in ministry to whatever level you believe is biblically encouraged, even without a title.

For example, discipling your family or new believers is a form of leadership. Training groups of people in evangelism tools and methods can be a venue to exercise a potential teaching gift. Shepherding and encouraging teammates is an integral leadership role on a team that doesn’t necessarily require a title. Project or administrative management is often an overlooked type of leadership gifting that can bolster a team or ministry effort in critical ways.

You may even begin to pursue team or ministry leadership, taking on responsibility over others and leading out in vision.

What are some ways you can start to practice and exercise your leadership on your team or in your ministry context? How can you pursue clarity with your leaders to find a role where you can begin to lead?

How Do I Start?

If you’re a woman reading this post and you feel like God might be calling you to be a team leader, to have some role of leadership on a team, or to exercise your leadership more in the context of CPM ministry, here are some next steps you could take. 

1. Come to a point of personal clarity and conviction concerning what the Bible says about women in leadership. While the Bible should be primary, a good commentary or theological studies like Men and Women in the Church are also helpful resources. The Coworkers Podcast is also a fantastic resource about men and women partnering together in movements, with a Bible study you can do with your whole team.

2. Take time to process with the Lord whether you are truly being called into leadership. We wrote a post on how to discern if you’re a leader that has some guiding reflection questions. Surrender your expectations and fears, and ask him for wisdom on how he has gifted you, and what role he would have you do and who he would have you lead. Write down questions you might have about what he tells you. Ask for verses to anchor your vision and calling into, and make your commitment to Jesus first. 

3. Communicate your desire with your organization and / or leaders. Ask them about the process toward becoming a team leader and for guidance on how to proceed. Each organization or denomination will have different requirements. 

4. Develop yourself. There are plenty of resources out there for women who want to develop as leaders. Books like Developing Female Leaders (Kadi Cole), 7 Deadly Sins of Women Leaders (Kate Coleman), and Making of a Leader (Robert Clinton) are good starts.

5. Begin to lead! If you aren’t ready to be a full blown team leader immediately and to recruit your own team, begin with smaller intermediate steps. Perhaps there is a specialized role on your team that you can begin to own, such as team development or resource creation, or maybe begin to own a key relationship with a national partner. You may encounter resistance at first, but remember, you belong in the room! God has given you a specific calling to leadership and he is pleased to use female leaders for his purposes! Everyone’s context is different, so if you need more guidance than these basic steps, feel free to contact us at contact@missionsleaders.com.

The Great Commission Needs Women Leaders

When we first launched, I wasn’t sure if I was a leader or what my leadership was supposed to look like. But through different experiences and circumstances, Jesus helped me to discover that I am one. I’ve had different opportunities to use my giftings, had a husband who championed me, a team that allowed me to lead them, and mentors throughout the years to guide me. However, the most significant factor God used toward helping me embrace leadership was our partner, Mint.

Mint was a church planter working in Northeast Thailand with a vision for the region and for neighboring Laos. As we spent time together and developed a relationship supporting her vision as Barnabas did with Paul, we increasingly became Mint’s friends, peers, coworkers, and confidants.

I quickly realized that Mint looked at me as a leader. It made no difference to her that I was a woman. If anything, it was more important to her that I was a woman leader who was just as committed to seeing Thailand reached as her. And because we are both women, she feels safe to open up to us, spend evenings in our home, train with me, and bring me into discipleship conversations with other women leaders. Because I am a leader, she respects my feedback and exhortations and knows that I empathize with her own leadership challenges as a woman.

Mint started out as the church secretary before launching as a church planter with no support or training. Now, through God growing her leadership, she is a regional leader with a dozen church planting teams under her and generations of churches multiplying out of her stream. In Mint’s region, the least reached in Thailand, her best leaders are unsurprisingly women. And she has continued to be an example that many other women have seen and desired to emulate throughout our church planting network because she has obeyed God in exercising her leadership gifting. Seeing God bear fruit through Mint has been one of the most rewarding and empowering affirmations of my own leadership.

The Great Commission will never be completed without women stepping into leadership. All women are called to be disciple makers, and many women are gifted in a multitude of ways to lead. Women display and model Christ in a wonderfully distinct way from men, and it would be a shame to pull back our contribution because of fear, a lack of clarity, or because the pathway is not defined. In my next post, I will address some of the major internal and external barriers women face in leadership.

I believe there are more women being called now to courageously step into greater leadership and influence. The Holy Spirit is raising up female national leaders among the unreached, many of whom will be best empowered by other women missions leaders. 

We are confident that when these two groups are able to partner together in the gospel, the Spirit of God will pour out power that will result in multiplication and restoration for generations to come.