In our last few posts, we’ve talked about why men and women leading together on the field is important, best practices to do that, and specifics for husband and wife leadership teams. In this post, we’ll bring some guidelines for men leading women in missions settings.

We think the ideal situation is when there can be a man and a woman co-leading together, taking advantage of all the diversity of gifts and perspectives to lead a healthy and effective team. From what we have observed, the ideal is rarely available on the mission field and it may be the case that the only qualified leader currently available is a man who is leading other women. 

In my experience talking to men in this situation, these leaders deeply value their female teammates and strongly desire to see the women under their leadership thrive and flourish. But oftentimes, these leaders also don’t know what they don’t know, and unfortunately their intuitive leadership style may not end up being the most conducive or helpful when leading women.

In this scenario, we’ve laid out a few tips that we’d encourage male leaders to consider in order to best lead, empower, and appropriately care for the women on your team.

Aim to Develop

Generally speaking, men will feel most comfortable working with people who are most like them – namely other men. They may be aware that leading women is different from leading men but aren’t sure how to approach things differently. Consequently, women can get overlooked when it comes to intentional development and opportunities for growth. In all likelihood, the women on your team have already had a deficit of development opportunities to this point. We believe a missions team is strongest when all members of the team are empowered, developed, and thriving in their best role. Here are some suggestions for how to best develop your female teammates.

Solicit and Give Feedback – Make an effort to regularly and proactively solicit the opinions and feedback of your female teammates about what they are processing about themselves, about your leadership, about the team, and about the ministry work. Women are encouraged to not make waves and will not always volunteer their perspectives, especially if their opinion contradicts that of the group. Because women are generally more collaborative and risk-averse by nature, women may sometimes need more time and space to process information. While this might feel like you are being forced to slow down, creating this venue for women to share creates safety and brings in perspectives that will most likely reap dividends down the line. Practically, it could be as simple as asking a female teammate during a meeting, “What do you think?” Or, if a female teammate hasn’t spoken much during a meeting, pulling them aside after the meeting is over and asking for their feedback.

Conversely, and just as important, give gentle but direct feedback to the women you lead. I have observed that in ministry spaces, women, and especially mothers, can sometimes “get the pass” because of not wanting to hurt feelings or not wanting to pile on pressure. But when feedback is withheld, a woman’s ability to learn and develop is undercut, and the whole team suffers. If you have feedback you would give to a man, then the women on your team deserve the same benefit.

Keep in mind that when you give feedback, women might respond differently than men! You should aim to create a safe space for women to freely and safely express their emotions. Ask about their feelings concerning a situation. Sometimes, there may be a response like tears or frustration – don’t be afraid to engage with emotional responses. (Steven says to keep the tissues nearby!) In some situations, high emotions are an appropriate response and sometimes they are not. Let the emotion be a jumping off point for further questions and dialogue into understanding their experience before continuing to discuss the topic at hand.

For women that you lead, it can be comforting to see that not only do you respect and seek out their inputs, but you also respect them enough as peers and teammates that you would say the hard thing for their development. It becomes that much easier to trust and follow your leadership. 

Find a Woman Mentor or Coach – While I had a male supervisor in our organization, I credit much of my growth and development to the female mentors he encouraged me to find. I respected my male colleagues, but would always be curious about, “how would a woman approach this topic?” 

These topics could include personal development issues, family and marriage counseling, or ministry coaching. You, as a male leader, are not going to have all the answers and will definitely not carry a woman’s perspective. But you can network and find women with experience and credibility to connect with the women on your team. These mentors could come from your organization’s member care staff, your wife, a more experienced worker, or another female leader in a different context. And it doesn’t only have to be one woman mentor that can address everything – find the appropriate coach for the areas that your women teammates need input. Help the women you lead build an ecosystem of support that includes you as the leader, and also female mentors and coaches who can speak into their specific needs. 

Create an Empowering Culture

It’s important to very intentionally create a culture that is empowering to women. This may take some outside-the-box thinking as most systems and structures, whether from business or ministry contexts, will generally be more accommodating for men. For more information on this topic, you can reference our blog post on external barriers that women in leadership face.

Clearly Define What You Believe – As theologians and denominations continue to wrestle with defining women’s roles and parameters for women’s leadership, ministry can be a very confusing place for women. Most women in ministry will understand that there is a “line” that they shouldn’t cross, but that line can feel very nebulous and arbitrary. Without this level of clarity, women who want to respect you as a leader will tend to draw far back from where they assume the “line” is. 

If you are a man leading women, it’s important that your theological position and work expectations are clearly communicated to both the men and women on your team. Can a woman hold a leadership role? What about teaching or preaching? Can women work with male team members? Can women lead men? What kind of communication and accountability expectations do you have for women on the team? 

In addition, be clear about any personal boundaries that you have when working with women. When should husbands be looped in and for what kinds of topics? Are there topics that you will not discuss with women that you lead? Can you text, call, or email one on one with a woman or do you prefer to communicate in a group? What are spaces that you feel comfortable meeting a woman in? 

Create space for dialogue, where women you lead can ask questions, push back, and offer feedback. After there is buy-in on both sides, help the women on your team find their ideal roles within the theological stance of the team. If it is helpful, write these things down, possibly in an MOU, as a reference point for the whole team.

Even if the conversation feels awkward, remember that this clarity is kindness. This prevents the women on your team from wasting time guessing about the validity of their actions and allows them to joyfully pursue their work within agreed upon parameters. When men on the team are clear about what is expected, they are better able to champion their female co-laborers and advocate for them.

Check Your Own Biases – We all have biases, whether we realize it or not. The goal is not to necessarily get rid of all your biases, but to recognize them and realize where they may be disempowering. Oftentimes, when Steven and I are both part of a meeting, it is assumed that I am there to take notes. Until I am introduced as a peer, I rarely receive eye contact from the men in the room or might be ushered toward the tables where the wives sit. 

Are there certain roles that you naturally assume a woman would occupy? Notetakers, secretaries, event planners, administrative assistants, children ministry leaders, and mothers who stay home are all roles that “make sense” for women to occupy. And while these roles are incredibly important, not every woman you lead will want to be lumped into these categories.

Take the time to talk with the women that you lead about their passions, giftings, and opportunities for development and growth. Cast vision and help them brainstorm roles that align with their giftings to contribute to the team and ministry, and discuss how you can help them get there. 

Create Environments Welcoming for Women – Culture is often set in those in-between spaces between official meetings and team functions. Much is revealed in how welcome women are in these informal gatherings and hangouts where people are less buttoned up. In my old organization, there was a tradition for leaders to sit around a campfire late-night with a glass of bourbon to relate to one another, process decisions made in the organization, and enjoy fellowship. While women were “welcome”, they weren’t ever explicitly invited. For many single gals, drinking late at night didn’t feel like a safe environment to let loose, while mothers with little kids had to opt out due to the late hour. An alternative we suggested was meeting in someone’s living room with both wine and bourbon options. As you consider your team culture, are relational spaces accessible to everyone? Do women feel invited to partake in the unofficial activities related to your team? Is there anyone who needs to be extended a specific invitation?

Navigating Unique Gender Dynamics

There are certain relational dynamics that must be considered in cross-gender leadership. Creating clarity and buy-in around these things first will prevent a world of confusion.

What to Do with Wives – For men leading married women, there are additional factors to consider and extra communication may be required. One of the first questions to discern is whether the wife of a couple that you lead feels both (1) called to be a part of the ministry work and (2) is willing to follow your leadership and direction for the mission. Do not make assumptions about a wife’s commitment based on simply what her husband is doing or saying. If she does want to be a part of the work, then have conversations with her and her husband about ways you can communicate, set directives, and develop her for her ministry role that are in line with the way their family operates. If you have hesitation about directly leading a married woman, try to loop in her husband into any communication that you might have with her.

On a similar note, if the husband of a couple you lead is also a leader, do not automatically assume that the wife needs to be a leader too. As we mentioned in our blog post on couples leading together, we would recommend that husbands and wives who lead together both need to have a leadership calling from God. It can be dangerous to elevate a wife into leadership when she has not received that level of calling as it places undue pressure on both her and potentially the marriage.

What to Do with Single Women – Single women are a powerful asset to any team, but often have the least influence or voice within a team or organization. Single women also may be boxed into certain roles like babysitting the teams’ kids or notetaking. Without husbands to help advocate for them, single women may withhold their voices instead of trying to speak directly with a male leader. Make sure that you are actively soliciting the opinions of single women and checking in on their needs, concerns, insight, and feedback. Single women may have higher relational needs, and it is important that you are able to resource them with mentors, coaches, and opportunities to meet local female friends.

Just a Little Intentionality…

The first time I publicly spoke in front of a crowd, I was terrified. Steven and I had been invited by our leader to share some of the lessons we had learned from our first term on the field to the rest of our organization’s staff. At that time, I was still wrestling with whether or not the Bible allowed for a woman to even speak publicly, so it was a big honor! 

After I rambled through my part and sat down, a high level male leader in our organization sought me out. He told me, “you were a little shaky in the beginning. But much better when you got up to speed. You’re probably not as strong as a teacher, but you are gifted in exhortation and you need to speak more.” Then, turning to Steven, he told him, “you need to make sure that she gets space to speak.” Even almost ten years later, his direct feedback continues to remind me that I am seen, gifted, and have a contribution. For some reason, I assumed women would encourage me, but to be noticed by a high level male leader whose inner circle I normally wouldn’t be a part of meant something more. By God’s grace, I have continued using my voice to coach individuals, speak to larger groups, and even help co-host a podcast. But I wonder if I would have had the courage to say yes to the next opportunity if this leader hadn’t gone out of his way to give me his feedback and encouragement.

For you men who are leading women and desire to honor them in the highest way, my encouragement to you is that you don’t have to be perfect. But know that just a little bit of intentionality and empowerment from you can go a long way!

Reflection Questions

1. Aim to Develop:
   • Are there areas where you have not yet developed the women on your team?
   • Do you find yourself withholding feedback from the women on your team? If yes, why?
   • Do the women that you lead have access to women mentors and coaches who can help them grow? If no, where can you find these women?
2. Create An Empowering Culture:
   • Do you have personal clarity on your theological stance concerning women in ministry and your personal boundaries in regards to working with women? Have these been clearly communicated?
   • Do you have implicit biases around women’s roles in ministry that might be impacting how you interact with the women that you lead?
   • On a scale from 1-10 (1 being unsafe, 10 being very safe), how welcome do the women on your team feel during both team functions and informal gatherings? How can you increase this number?
3. Navigating Gender Dynamics
   • Are lines of communication and expectations clear with the wives that you lead?
   • Are you regularly checking in on single women that you lead?

Jenn and I (Steven) leading together got off to a rough start.

One of the first things we did as a couple in ministry, before we were even married, was attend a support raising bootcamp with our Thailand team members. At the time, our team was both of us, four of my best friends growing up, and one single gal from Alabama who went through the same pre-field goer training as us and had a heart to serve in Thailand.

We had all just quit our jobs and were ready to start support raising – our launch to Thailand was about one year out. I borrowed my parent’s minivan and drove our team up from Austin, Texas to Dallas where the boot camp was being held. We were picking up our new teammate Kate* (name changed for security purposes) from the airport before heading to the support raising training. As we were entering the airport, I said, “Hey guys, this is our first time meeting Kate in person. Let’s try to keep the inside jokes to a minimum and make her feel as welcome as possible.” Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.

Before we had even left the airport, two of my friends had started to record a homemade rap video while wearing Jenn’s leopard-print jacket for no particular reason. Leader instruction #1 – failed.

Later that day, as we were getting settled in a friend’s house, Jenn and I started to argue about something. Kate and Jenn were sharing a room since Jenn and I weren’t married yet, and as our argument escalated, I could feel Kate continually shrinking into the corner, trying her best not to be noticed.

As the conflict was rising to a climax, an intrusive thought popped into my head that I knew would really send Jenn over the edge. Unfortunately, but hilariously, it made its way through my brain filter and out of my mouth.

“Just remember who your boss is,” I quipped at Jenn. I closed the door behind me smiling to myself and knowing that I would pay for that comment later.

I learned later that I narrowly avoided the pair of pants that were hurtling towards my head.

“Men! Can you believe him?!” Jenn said to Kate, who was now almost merged with the wall.

Welcome to the team, Kate.

And welcome to co-leadership, Jenn and Steven.

When we tell you that it’s a miracle that God has brought us this far in our marriage and co-leadership, it’s stories like this that affirm that reality! And Kate ended up marrying one of my friends on the team and they are still serving on the field today.

In our previous posts, we covered why it’s important that men and women lead together on missions teams, and some of thepractical guidelines for how they can do that effectively. We kept those more general towards men and women because we believe men and women leadership teams don’t have to be exclusively between husbands and wives. However, many of those co-leadership teams will end up being married couples. If that’s your situation, then this post is for you!

The story above is meant to illustrate how confusing, convoluted, and contentious co-leadership on missions teams can be for husbands and wives and also for their teams, organizations, and ministry partners. But if it can be done well, it can be a rich reflection of Christ and the church, as a husband and wife walk together in leadership and ministry.

Why It Makes Sense for Husbands and Wives to Serve and Lead Together

In our experience, a calling overseas is different from most ministry callings in your home context. When Jenn and I lived in the U.S., we had separate ministries. We invested in different people, rarely overlapped, and were supportive of one another without being directly involved in each other’s work.

Overseas, we’ve found that both husband and wife need to share the same level of calling and commitment to the vision, regardless of their specific role or ministry activity. It’s much harder for one spouse to say, “This is my spouse’s calling, and I’ll just support them,” because simply living cross-culturally requires significant sacrifice. Even when one spouse is primarily focused on the home or family, their commitment to the vision needs to be just as strong in order to persevere through the challenges of life on the field.

Ministry overseas – especially movement-focused ministry – can also be all-encompassing. It’s not a typical 9–5 job that you can leave behind when you go home. If you’re focused on multiplying disciples, you may have people in your home regularly or a demanding travel schedule to visit key partners. Because the boundaries between work and home are less clear, husbands and wives need to have clarity and be aligned around both life and ministry.

When we’ve seen unequal commitment between spouses, it often leads to disunity, competition between family and ministry, and potentially resentment that results in leaving the field.

When both spouses share the same calling and level of commitment, working together toward the vision can make a lot of sense. It requires a lot of communication and figuring things out, some of which we laid out in our previous post about men and women and some other things for husbands and wives in this post.

Our recommendation for married couples overseas is that both spouses should have the same level of calling and commitment to the vision, regardless of role. If that shared vision is present, then we’d encourage husbands and wives to discuss what it looks like to work together if both desire to have a role in ministry.

The last category is for husbands and wives that are interested in leading together. We’d give a strong exhortation that couples should only lead together in a ministry setting or missions team if both spouses are genuinely called and gifted for leadership. We define a leader as “a man or woman who receives vision from God to influence the people of God towards the purposes of God.”

Elevating a spouse into co-leadership without a leadership calling and gifting can undermine the other spouse’s credibility and place unnecessary pressure on the one who isn’t called to lead. A non-leader spouse can still play a powerful role as a supporter and sounding board. But when both spouses are truly called to leadership and find healthy ways to lead together, it can be a beautiful and effective partnership.

Best Practices for Husbands and Wives Leading Together

We’d highly recommend that married couples that want to lead together overseas work through the 5 categories in our last post – commitment, communication, conflict, clearing the path, and collaborative giftings. These are critical components for any men/women co-leaders but especially for husbands and wives. Below we have a few additional best practices specific to married couples.

We don’t yet have children and won’t try to speak on that dynamic, though we understand it adds complexity and challenge for husbands and wives that desire to lead together. However, we have seen married couples on the field learn to lead together in the ministry and the home simultaneously. Jenn recently recorded a podcast with Jesse and Shanee Snodgrass who host the Coworkers Podcast on this topic and we’ll link it here when it’s live!

Working Styles

Married couples leading together should learn to understand each other’s working styles. When we first started working and leading together, Jenn frequently thought that I (Steven) was frustrated with her or thought that I was unhappy with her work. One day she asked me, “Am I doing something wrong?”

“No – why would you think that?” I asked.

“Because whenever we’re talking about ministry or team things, you seem to be a lot more stern or short with me.”

We realized that Jenn had not really encountered “working mode” Steven before. I had to apologize and explain that when I’m working, I can be more intense and move faster out of a desire to focus and get things done. She had been used to me more in dating / companionship mode where I was a lot more attentive in listening, gentler, and more laid-back. I had to be more cognizant of being gentler with my words and overall attitude, and Jenn had to learn not to take my intensity personally.

There were several other aspects of our working styles that came up that we had to discuss and pursue clarity on. For example, I was much more detailed and more of a planner, and Jenn was less-detailed and prioritized finishing things quickly. We also had to be careful to understand that our working styles didn’t necessarily translate over to our relationship dynamics. Just because I preferred to plan in ministry and working topics didn’t mean that I wanted to plan every aspect of our date nights or household chores.

We learned to either offer or ask, “what hat are you wearing right now?” For example, I might be talking about our schedule for the week, but Jenn would be unclear if it was Steven the team and ministry leader talking, or Steven her husband talking. I would need to clarify that we were planning for the ministry schedule for the week, and after that was cleared we could set aside time to discuss personal things. Of course, it’s not always that clear and people are complicated, but pursuing clarity in your working styles can help husband and wife teams operate more smoothly.

Boundaries

For couples working and leading together, setting some boundaries will be helpful in preserving both your working relationship and marriage relationship. Some couples may have very integrated personal and working lives, whereas others might have stronger boundaries and more organization. Find out what works for you! Jenn and I (Steven) tend to be pretty interwoven in how we interact, but we did set some boundaries like not talking about work on date nights, or not talking about work 30 minutes before bedtime or after waking up. Some couples we know will have very clear delineations about not talking through personal issues during the workday, and not talking about work things during personal times. Others may set a weekly check-in to talk through work logistics.

Another boundary that we set early on was to not have conflict in front of team members when possible, and to speak as highly of each other as we could even if we were having a conflict. During our first year on the field, it felt like every time right before we would lead a team meeting, we would enter into a conflict without fail. But as we arrived at the meeting, we would say, “let’s put a pin in this.” It was our way of agreeing that the conflict was not resolved yet but we were both committed to discussing it later, and that we both needed to take a moment to let our emotions die down and focus on the current priority of leading the meeting or ministry activity.

It will take some time and trial to figure out what dynamic works for both the husband and wife. It’s important to be honest about your needs and preferences, but also to try your best to take on a Philippians 2 posture of putting others higher than ourselves. At some times, one or both of you might feel like you want to give up, that it’s too hard to figure it out. Our encouragement is that if this is something you’ve felt the Lord guiding you towards and something you both desire, it is worth the hard work of wading through the mess to learn how to work together with your best friend and lifetime companion!

Pursuing Clarity

While it can be a joy to lead with your spouse, adding another role into an already existing dynamic of husband and wife brings up a lot of questions. While some of these questions may feel uncomfortable, we encourage you to engage wholeheartedly with all of them until you reach a point of clarity and agreement. Otherwise, your working together will be seeped in conflict and misunderstanding. Based on our experience, here are some areas where couples who work and lead together need to be on the same page.

Theological Clarity – Early in our marriage, I (Jenn) had a deep fear of being the type of domineering woman Paul calls out in 1 Timothy 2. We had learned about marriage roles where the husband is the head of the family and wives were called to submit. But how did the husband’s headship over the family apply to our dynamic of working and leading together? We had to do the work of searching the scriptures, praying, seeking counsel from wise voices, and dialoguing with one another to figure out what we truly believed. 

Reaching theological clarity together is critical to ensuring that your marriage and ministry are in line with what God is calling you to do. Some questions to consider are: 

• What does the Bible say about the role of husbands and wives? How are they to relate to one another? How are they to relate to people in ministry?
• What does the Bible say about men and women in leadership? What leadership roles are available to women and to men? 
• What does the Bible say about men and women working together in ministry? 

After studying the Word and discussing with Steven, I felt freedom and confidence that I could step into a role of leadership without fear of disobeying the Bible.

Role Clarity – Once you are clear on your theological stance, you can begin to discuss roles and responsibilities in both your marriage, your ministry, and in leadership together. Both husband and wife bring their own unique spiritual gifts, strengths, and weaknesses into both marriage and ministry. This is a wonderful thing! Seek to build out your roles in a way that lines up with what you’ve discussed. Both spouses don’t have to do the exact same things, but can divide and conquer based on giftings and strengths and season of life. The goal is to be on the same page about what each person is expected to do and be accountable for in any given situation.

Clarity for Outside Stakeholders – Husbands and wives are not the only ones who need clarity. If you are working in ministry or leading together, there are other stakeholders who are impacted by your dynamic like your team, national partners, church, and organization. When I (Jenn) was elevated to a leadership role with Steven, it was important that I received a leadership title so that our teammates and organization knew that my decisions carried leadership weight. Teammates needed to understand me and Steven’s unique responsibilities in the leadership dynamic, so that they knew which of us they could bring certain issues or questions to. It’s especially important for husbands and wives to speak well of each other publicly as a way to create a united front, show mutual respect in your co-leadership and co-working, and to help those you lead and interact with to have confidence in your dynamic.

Similarly, your ministry partners will also need clarity. Steven and I both work with our national partner, Mint. In most meetings, I will initially connect relationally with Mint. I’ll ask her about her abiding, conflicts she’s having, how she’s feeling about any given topic. Mint knows those questions are coming from me and she’s become comfortable divulging more personal information to me. But she also knows Steven will ask her about her strategy, objectives, and goals. She also knows that she can ask us for almost anything and that Steven and I will be on the same page to try and help her.

Tools

Marriage Retreats – In the midst of cross-cultural living, ministry, and leadership, it can be hard to find a moment to communicate and connect with one another. Don’t forget, God is pleased when our marriages are healthy and centered on Him and on serving one another! We recommend setting at least an annual 2-3 day retreat to focus on your marriage. Objectives for this time would be for rest, deeper connection in your marriage, evaluating how your marriage and partnership is doing, and prayer and planning for the year. Calendar these retreats ahead of time and set them somewhere comfortable and outside of your context. 

Husband-Wife MOU – A helpful tool to establish clarity of roles and responsibilities between husband and wife is to create a Husband-Wife MOU. Categorize all the activities you are responsible for as individuals and as a couple and demarcate who takes ownership for what. It’s helpful to revisit this document regularly, as seasons of life and ministry might shift these things. Below is the MOU we created for our team. Feel free to use our template and adapt it to your context.

Conclusion

When I (Steven) was first entering into a season of being newly married and preparing to lead a team and ministry in Thailand, I felt a tension rising about how to prioritize my focus and time. As we went through pre-marital counseling and read marriage books, the overwhelming message was that your focus should be God above everything, then your marriage and family, and then everything else like your ministry or job.

But life and ministry overseas would require significant sacrifice that would affect our marriage. It wouldn’t be comfortable, things wouldn’t be easy, and there would be considerable challenges for our relationship. How could I reconcile wanting to prioritize my marriage in the context of responding to the call of missions that God had given so clearly?

I posed this question to one of my mentors, Caleb. He said something that has proven true over the last decade of marriage, ministry, and leadership.

“It’s not always so simple to prioritize things as God > marriage > ministry. Those things are intertwined. Loving God is loving my marriage. Loving my ministry is loving God. Loving my marriage is loving ministry.”

His point was that all of those things – your relationship with God, relationship with your spouse, and your ministry calling – all affect each other. Of course, any idolatry in your marriage or ministry will cause unhealth in the other dynamics. And there will absolutely be times that you should take a step back from ministry to work on your marriage or your relationship with God.

We can see this interwoven framework in Genesis 2 when God takes Adam to oversee the Garden of Eden. “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” It is within the context of pursuing his calling that God gives Adam a partner in Eve.

We believe that ministering and leading out of who you are as a married couple is a powerful witness that reflects God’s intention for marriage. Beyond being companions in life, you can also be partners in pursuing His calling. As you pursue clarity and learn how to lead together, we hope that your joy in marriage increases and reflects God’s glory to those around you!

The line to talk to Jenn was 10 people deep.

I (Steven), on the other hand, had one guy come up to ask a quick question and scuttle off. As an introvert, I was pretty relieved.

Jenn and I had just shared the stage together to speak at a conference for aspiring goers. We shared about union with Christ, which has been the most important lesson that God had given us not only for thriving overseas but for abiding in general. We decided to share the stage, even though we had almost never seen that done before. Historically, I had been the one invited for speaking engagements. But God in His kindness helped us learn this lesson together. We were simply trying to reflect that when sharing about it.

What we didn’t expect was the response that taking the stage together would have.

Simply by being on the stage together at the same time, something clicked for people in that audience. One, that men and women could speak, lead, and work together. And two, that women leaders had something unique and important to bring to the table.

One of the women who waited to talk to Jenn said, “I would never have come up here if there wasn’t a woman on the stage.”

From speaking engagements and other opportunities where Jenn and I have led out together, we’ve had dozens of couples tell us, “we see your dynamic in leading together and we think we both have leadership giftings. How do we learn how to lead together?”

It was clear that Jenn had a gift, a unique voice, and an important message, and that she needed to be given more of a platform to share that message. But as the one who had the previous experience and trusted relationships, I needed to call out her giftings, create opportunities, and encourage her to step up into those opportunities.

We said yes to more opportunities to speak together, and eventually, for Jenn to start speaking on her own. What people didn’t see as Jenn crushed it on stage were the 5th, 6th, 7th rounds of edits that I had to make on her written drafts, and the hurried and harrowing practicing of her talk late into the night before she spoke.

Now, I rarely get invited to speak anymore. Jenn is the one in high demand.

I couldn’t be happier or prouder.

She continues to have lines of 10+ women line up to talk to her regardless of the topic.

If elevating her voice can help even a few of those women step more boldly into leadership, or help couples learn to lead together, I’ll gladly continue to stand in the back of the room and take cool pictures of her as she uses her giftings.

Through sharing and leading together, we began to see how deeply the question of men and women leading together mattered to goers and mission teams. We are convinced that this kind of partnership helps more leaders step into—and lead from—the gifts God has entrusted to them.

Best Practices for Men and Women Leading Together

In our previous post, we introduced the topic of men and women leading together and gave our view of why this topic is important. In this post, we’ll focus more on the best practices of how men and women can lead together effectively. These include clearing the path, collaborative giftings, commitment, communication, and conflict. As you work through each of these practices, consider creating an MOU between yourself and your co-leader that encompasses all these categories.

Clearing the Path

One of the most important aspects of empowering Jenn or other women leaders on our teams towards leadership was what we call ‘clearing the path.’ The other best practices are mutually owned by both the male and female leaders. But clearing the path is something male leaders must often lead out in, since they often hold greater leadership influence due to the internal and external barriers that women leaders experience.

Male leaders can advocate for women leaders and clear the path in many ways—by speaking highly of them, creating opportunities for leading and development, and providing support and feedback. Advocacy is different from simply mentoring – a mentor can consult and encourage, but being an advocate requires using our relational or positional influence for the benefit of those that we support.

When you’re in leadership spaces with decision-makers, speak highly of the women leaders that you’re advocating for. People used to mention to me that I seemed to go out of my way to give credit or speak highly of Jenn and the other women leaders on our team. I wish I was that intentional – I was simply giving credit where it was due! I could not and did not do the things that Jenn and the other women leaders did on our team.

In your own team and ministry, create opportunities for women leaders to lead according to their giftings. This will require that you actually know their giftings and their desire to lead, which means you’ll probably need to have some 1-on-1 or smaller group settings for you to get to know them! Help them identify their giftings and discuss potential opportunities where they can lead. When larger opportunities to lead within your organization, church, or region come up, vouch for the women leaders that you know if their giftings line up with that opportunity.

And don’t only recommend them for the opportunity. Lend your credibility and provide support by  investing your own time in preparing, assisting, and sharing ownership of the outcome. Give direct feedback about what went well and where they can improve. Jenn says that women who do get the chance to lead can often ‘get the pass’ in terms of owning the negative consequences or hearing the difficult feedback that would help them improve because people want to be kind and not harsh. But that actually stunts their opportunity to learn and grow in leadership.

Cultivate their personal development by encouraging them to create development plans and keep them accountable to those plans. Open access to leadership spaces by bringing them along, when appropriate, to meetings you have with other leaders. In leadership team meetings, if there’s a topic or ministry area that aligns with their giftings, bring them in to share or just to listen and learn. If you’re meeting with another leader 1-on-1 who you know would be comfortable with another person there, try to bring women leaders along to learn and contribute as well.

Lastly, a disclaimer that we need to mention is that male leaders need to be careful to not elevate women leaders to positions that they are not qualified for, especially your wife. Standalone projects or opportunities can be good opportunities for developing leaders to step into and generally there’s grace for a one-off event if things don’t go well. But elevating women to leadership positions that they aren’t qualified for can backfire. A woman leader surveyed by Kadi Cole in Developing Female Leaders addresses this issue: 

Let’s not do women any extra favors, or promote them, just because of gender. This defeats the purpose of demonstrating equal capability and…decreases the validity of women in leadership roles in some people’s thinking. If [a woman leader is] only at the table because someone needs to fill a female quota, I’d rather find another table to sit at. However, let us ensure we are watching for and providing opportunities for women to grow, lead, and advance in our…organizations.

Developing Female Leaders, 141

We really love when husbands and wives can lead together and use their gifts (and will write a post on that in the near future), but exercise particular caution when elevating your wife to a leadership role as it can easily look like favoritism or nepotism which will undermine both of your leadership reputations. 

Clearing the path and advocating doesn’t only happen at the beginning of the process to get women in the door, but needs to continue until these women leaders are self-confident and well integrated into the leadership teams and culture of your organization. As women leaders are raised up, they can continue to be advocates and path-clearers for other women!

Collaborative Giftings and Leadership Roles

We mentioned in our first post that having men and women leading together provides a plurality of leadership and improved decision making because women leaders can represent the perspectives of the women on the team. The benefits of plurality of leadership are enhanced when the male and female leaders can have collaborative giftings and roles.

As men and women leaders begin leading together, discuss how your individual giftings can support each other and what roles on the team may be most appropriate for each leader to take the lead on. We’ve mentioned before that the missions team leader role is basically impossible for an individual leader, which is why we highly recommend a plurality of leaders. Between strategic planning, administration, shepherding, development, training, and 100 other topics, there are likely areas where one of the two leaders is better or more experienced than the other. Distribute the roles of leadership according to the giftings that each of you have. If you both have the same giftings, switch off or figure out ways that they could express themselves differently.

Using our initial story of speaking together as an example, I (Steven) am stronger at clarity of communication, whereas Jenn is much stronger in inspirational / motivational speaking with passion and emotion. So when we split up the different sections in our union with Christ talk, I took more of the teaching/Bible sections and Jenn told more stories of how it impacted us. We both had a speaking gift but they expressed themselves differently. Even within the same talk we could support each other with our giftings!

Commitment

Regardless of gender, if people want to lead together, they need to be equally committed to the vision and to their leadership role towards that vision. If you know your fellow leader is just as focused on the same goal as you are, it’s easier to trust them and also to lovinglyg call them back on track if they begin to drift off your shared vision. 

Conversely, when one leader is fully committed to the vision and the other is not, dysfunction and conflict often follow. A leader with less ownership may hesitate to carry their responsibilities or minimize their role, especially in difficult seasons. For the more committed leader, it can become difficult to trust their co-leader or to share leadership equally when they know their convictions aren’t shared. In these situations, it is often clearer and healthier to name one person as the primary leader and give the other a defined supporting role.

Both male and female leaders must take time to seek clarity about their vision from God and their own calling and commitment to leadership. One person’s sense of calling cannot compensate for a co-leader who has not done this work themselves. These convictions should be shared openly and revisited regularly as a reminder of your shared commitment. 

Finally, it’s important that the people you work with—especially your team and ministry partners—clearly understand your level of commitment, authority, and responsibility towards them. Does a female leader only lead other women? Does each leader make decisions on behalf of the whole or just one? Who should report to whom?

Conflict

Men and women leaders are going to have different perspectives. While embracing diversity of ideas is a strength, it can lead to tension and conflict. It is critical that men and women leading together know how to conflict well in order to lead from a place of unity. This involves knowing each other’s conflict dynamics and conflict styles, and to have a plan for how to address conflict when tensions arise.

In conflict dynamics, societal norms can lead men to respond more directly while women may respond more deferentially. It’s important to be aware if you have these sorts of leanings. For example, women may not share everything they’re thinking right away and may need to revisit an issue to feel fully resolved, while men often prefer to address something once and move on. Women may also seek more relational and contextual clarity, while men may focus mainly on the immediate problem.

Additionally, every person has a unique conflict style. Typically, people will default into certain behaviors when facing conflict – fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. In a nutshell, fight people will face a threat aggressively, flight people tend to run from or avoid conflict, freeze people will find themselves paralyzed and unable to take action, and fawn people will move toward appeasement and people pleasing methods. On top of these “styles”, we all have triggers that will set us off as we feel our sense of safety threatened. Identifying these things in ourselves and in our co-leader helps us to mitigate many potential conflicts. 

In our own case, I fawn in conflict. If I feel unheard or misunderstood, I will push endlessly for clarity or resolution for the sake of harmony. Steven, conversely, tends toward flight. He often needs space to collect his thoughts and to get his emotions in check, before he is able to engage. As we understood these tendencies, we have had to adjust and compromise toward one another. I am learning to give Steven time to collect his thoughts before I barrage him with questions, and he makes an effort to respond calmly to me even if it’s faster than he would prefer.

However, sometimes leaders will reach an impasse. In these situations, it’s helpful to bring in a neutral third party with whom both sides feel safe and who can help to mediate a conflict. 

It is best for leaders to keep short accounts with one another and strive to resolve conflicts as quickly as possible. It helps to have a clear plan and awareness for what issues have potential to spark conflict, each person’s conflict response, how to resolve conflict, and how to rebuild trust after conflict. Make the time to discuss and plan:

• What are stress triggers or topics that potentially might escalate into conflict? 
• How can you together create a safe space to share your perspectives? 
• What is your conflict style? What are things you and your co-leader do to help move forward toward resolution?
• How will decisions be made? Will there be a deciding voice or will decisions be made collaboratively?  
• Who is a safe mediator for when conflicts reach an impasse?

Communication

Team leaders are constantly processing and passing on information. On any given day, team leaders may be communicating with their national partners, teammates, organization, and many others. And while having two people share the burden is great, if co-leaders are not on the same page or aren’t working off the same set of information, chaos often ensues. Before we found our best communication rhythms, Steven and I would often contradict each other in meetings in front of our teammates – confusing everyone!

Steven and I are always communicating with each other, and our teammates have a clear understanding that anything one of us hears, unless it is told in confidence, the other will receive at least a short update. We will text each other random thoughts and ideas that we might have while apart. When we take meetings, we crystallize and write down summary points and send them to each other as soon as the meeting ends. While this may seem cumbersome, creating this type of shared consciousness allows us to make decisions quickly together without needing to stop and explain context. It also allows us to communicate the same message to our team and partners.

Other co-leaders may have different communication styles they would prefer over our constant sharing, and could set up regular meetings with a calendar invite simply to check in and share information. Whatever your method, the goal is to ensure that you are always as informed as you can be about a given situation that impacts your team and the ministry work. And with this knowledge, you are making wise decisions that allow you and your co-leader to present a unified front to your team.

Generally, women will pull back on their ideas or perhaps be tempted to prioritize being agreeable over rocking the boat. If you are a woman leader, even if it feels risky, push to prioritize your voice and your ideas rather than stuffing them down. Try to eliminate disclaimers and speak your ideas out directly. Leaders can make better decisions when there’s more information and better representation of the perspectives involved. Men co-leaders will need to create spaces for women co-leaders to offer feedback and also make it a habit to push for clarity. Ask multiple times if your woman co-leader has said everything she wants to say and ask her for proposed solutions. We also encourage creating a culture where co-leaders regularly provide feedback with one another as a way of accountability and personal development. This could be as formal as a regular feedback meeting on the calendar or just making it a point to ask for, provide, and receive feedback in regular conversations.

Conclusion

Co-leadership between men and women on missions teams takes a lot of work. It will take discussion, time, and trial & error to figure out what a collaborative leadership dynamic looks like between a male and female leader. But most of all, it will take a Philippians 2 type of humility – to consider the other leader higher than yourself. When each leader goes out of their way to elevate the others’ gifts, they both benefit and the team strengthens. When you’re fighting for your own reputation or position, it will lead to unhealthy conflict and damage your team and ministry. Collaborative leadership requires the mindset that Paul outlines in 1 Corinthians 12:

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

1 Corinthians 12:21-26

But when you’ve done the hard work of clearing the path, learning giftings, and figuring out commitment, conflict, communication with your co-leader, Scripture is clear about the result: “when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.”

Jenn and I (Steven) fought nearly every day for our first year on the field.

At the end of our first term of 2.5 years, we did a debrief and noted that second only to learning union with Christ, both of us said our marriage, and our co-leadership of the ministry and team together, was the thing we were most grateful for. It was nothing short of a miracle that the Lord did to bring us to that point from how fragile, disunified, and hostile we were to each other.

To us, men and women leading together is a critical element in seeing missions teams and ministries thrive and be effective. We’ve seen many husband and wife units that were not on the same page strain in their marriage and leave the field. We’ve seen solo male team leaders struggle to lead without the gifts that women leaders bring. We’ve seen many gifted, passionate women goers be underused and underappreciated on teams where male leaders did not know how to empower them, who have eventually left the field. Many of those situations would have greatly benefitted from a woman leader’s voice along with a male leader to bring guidance and resolution.

As Jenn contends in her post on Women in Leadership, the Great Commission needs women leaders, and missions teams and ministries are not realizing their potential when they fail to empower women to operate in their gifts and leadership.

This is not to say that missions teams with male team leaders will necessarily fail to be healthy or effective. Good leaders will learn how to shepherd, direct, and develop their teammates regardless of gender. We’ll write a future post about tips for men leading women. However, we’ve found it most effective when there is a level of men and women leading together for multiple reasons.

This post will generally be about men and women leading together on missions teams, whether as a married couple or as non-married co-leaders. We’ll have some guidelines specifically about husbands and wives leading together in the future.

Our Story

Jenn gives a pretty thorough version of her experience of discovering her leadership identity in the midst of navigating life overseas and being in our first year of marriage in her Women in Leadership post.

We were 6 months married when we launched to the field – not recommended. From my (Steven) side, the feeling I most experienced during that first year was overwhelmed. I had heard from experienced goers how difficult the field could be on a marriage, and wanted desperately to establish healthy foundations between me and Jenn.

But at the same time, I was completely in over my head with our transition to the field, leading a team, and starting a new ministry. On top of the ‘normal’ field transitions like learning language and dealing with culture stress, I had innumerable team leader responsibilities piled on as well, including finding visas, opening ministry opportunities, detailing crisis plans, and approving 9 units’ ministry expenses.

The stress and burden of all of that hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I had always expected and desired Jenn to be a ministry partner with me, but I didn’t know what it could look like, didn’t know how to communicate that, and didn’t know what types of barriers and insecurities she was dealing with. It took us about a year of getting through culture-stress and learning to communicate as a newly married couple before we began understanding each other. 

Since we are both incredibly stubborn, we were missing the truth that God had given each of us exactly the thing we needed in each other. I needed someone to help carry the vision and responsibility of the team. And Jenn wanted to be empowered to use her giftings according to her calling. Jenn met the women on our team 1-on-1 and was in charge of their development and shepherding. I looked for more opportunities to invite her into areas of leadership according to her gifting and clear the way for her as a leader within our sending organization and our church.

10 years later, we couldn’t imagine working in a different way. We debrief nearly every ministry thing together, even if it’s something that we’re doing completely independently. We include each other in every ministry partnership, and we elevate and complement each other’s strengths. And perhaps from the example that we’ve set, it’s standard for men and women on the teams we’ve raised up to partner and lead together in ministry.

Along the way, as we’ve figured out what works for us and coached other ministry and team leaders, we think that men and women leading together leads to the healthiest and most effective outcomes.

Theological Considerations

Before we jump into reasons why we think men and women leading and working together is important, we want to quickly address the theological considerations around this topic. We aren’t trying to convince anybody towards or against a theological stance on women in leadership.

What we do want to encourage you to do is to study the Word about what it says regarding women in leadership, women in ministry, and men and women working together. From that, form a position that can be communicated clearly to your team. Jenn gives her view in her post on women in leadership, so I won’t state that here. But I will reiterate that once you have established your biblical view on women in ministry, explicitly empower women towards everything that they CAN do. Even though it may not be vocalized by the women on your team, it’s likely that some are wondering about where they can fit in, and being clear and empowering will be appreciated. Encourage discussion with your whole team about where men and women can collaborate and team together.

We find the Coworkers Bible Study and Developing Female Leaders by Kadi Cole as helpful supplementary resources.

Why Is This Important?

Ultimately, why is this topic of men and women leading together important? The bottom line for us is that missions teams that fail to empower both the women and men on their team towards their most effective role in ministry and leadership are missing out. They are missing out on seeing the fullness of the body of Christ at work. They are missing out on ministry opportunities that are available when both men and women are fully empowered.

Here are some of the key reasons why men and women leading together on missions teams is extremely valuable. The first three points are from Steven and the last two are from Jenn.

Increased Access in Ministry Opportunities

Over 50% of unreached people are women. Whether through direct disciple-making ministry or in partnering with local believers towards movement, having women in ministry leadership together with men will multiply your team’s ministry opportunities.

One of the major steps in pursuing movement is finding a National Apostolic Visionary to partner with towards multiplication. In many locations in the 1040 window, societies tend to be patriarchal, with men commonly in leadership positions. It’s good and strategic for movement practitioners to try to partner with local male Christian leaders. But because these local leaders are already very busy, there can be barriers with their availability. And given that there are usually few fruitful believers to work with, other expat workers may desire to partner with them as well.

However, there can be abundant opportunities found in partnering with local women believers who may be more available and perhaps even emerging leaders that are underdeveloped and open to pursuing different methodologies. Naturally, these local women believers will feel more comfortable interacting in ministry with outsider trainers and coaches who are also women.

We’ve learned from other movement practitioners that women oftentimes are the earliest adopters of movement approaches and can be quicker to enter into pioneering spaces and endure persecution. These local women are then naturally able to access non-believing women who can be in highly inaccessible or even oppressive situations in patriarchal cultures. If we are failing to empower and create opportunities for the women on our teams to enter into ministry, we are potentially cutting in half the pool of laborers and leaders that could be equipped to engage the harvest.

This is anecdotal to our teams in Thailand, but of the different partnerships with Thai networks that we have, the most fruitful ones are with Thai women leaders. And to no one’s surprise, it is the women on our team that run point with those leaders – planning strategy, training believers, coaching leaders, and walking side-by-side with them. If we didn’t have women leaders on our teams, just as empowered and committed to the vision as the male team members, we would be greatly missing out on seeing more people hear and receive the gospel in Thailand.

In contrast, one male leader that I coach in the Middle East acutely felt the cultural gender barriers that exist in his country. Although there were local women that voiced their interest in knowing more about Jesus, it would be culturally inappropriate for him to invite them to a male or even mixed-gender Bible study, and there were no known women Bible studies in his city that he could invite them to.

When there are both men and women leading together and empowering the team, teams can appropriately seize the opportunities to interact with both men and women in ministry settings.

Plurality of Leadership and Improved Decision-Making

We’ve mentioned before that the multiple roles of the team leader can feel impossible – shepherd, manager, administrator, strategy coordinator, developer to name a few. In our experience, having multiple leaders share the burden can be a huge benefit to your team and ministry.

It’s generally understood that single women greatly outnumber single men on the missions field, with some ratios cited as high as 7-to-1. It’s extremely likely that you have more women than men on your team. However you structure it, having at least one woman leader will maximize the benefits of leadership plurality. Women leaders will better represent the perspectives and needs of the women on your team and in your ministry, helping the leaders make better decisions.

Increased Collaboration and Empowerment

Our initial team had 6 men and 7 women. I grew up with most of the guys on our team. I knew their strengths and weaknesses and knew what roles would maximize their giftings. I didn’t know the women as well and healthy boundaries kept me from knowing them as well as the male teammates. After Jenn began investing in the women teammates and getting to know them, it was much easier to empower them to their best roles and set them up for strong collaboration with the men on our team. Having Jenn step into a role of leadership catalyzed greater empowerment of the women on our team and fostered stronger collaboration between the male and female teammates.

Just by seeing me and Jenn model leading and working together, our teammates felt permission to do the same. The women teammates saw Jenn in leadership and were more willing to step into leadership and ministry opportunities they might have assumed were for men. Our teamwork increased as everyone was more fully enabled to operate in their best roles.

A critical responsibility of a team leader is to empower their people to operate to the fullest extent of their giftings and strengths. When we can do this for both men and women, a team is able to harness and operate in the gifts of the full body of Christ. When leadership is able to model both men and women working and leading together, this creates a culture that releases team members to take risks, practice their giftings, and to learn from and help each other as well.

Shepherding Without Crossing Boundaries

The intensity of cross-cultural living and ministry can stress those we lead to the point where deep sin tendencies begin to emerge. In these situations, people naturally become discouraged, lose vision, or can even fall into moral failure. Before they reach this point, leaders need to step and help them identify and address sins they are struggling with, and to find freedom and healing. 

Everyone may have different thresholds and boundaries when it comes to cross-gender leadership, but generally we would consider it inappropriate for leaders to cross genders in addressing deep sin issues, or even some relational or marriage issues. Additionally, the pitfalls when it comes to cross-cultural, cross-gender shepherding are even more risky. We have heard many stories of male missionaries who have talked directly to a wife in a local family and ruined the relationship with that family for bypassing the husband, or vice versa with female goers. So regardless of what tradition you come from, it’s important that you know your personal, team, and host culture’s boundaries and communicate them clearly so no one is left in an awkward or potentially dangerous situation! 

In our first few years on the field, the women on our team wrestled with suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, depression, marriage issues, and frustration with role, just to name a few. Each of these issues are extremely personal and requires careful handling. Unfortunately, no matter how well intentioned Steven was, there were certain boundaries that he couldn’t cross when it came to shepherding. But simply by being a woman, I was able to more naturally empathize with the woman on the team. To them, I felt safe, which allowed me to foster trust in order to ask the hard questions and be received as a source of help. However, while I was often “in the trenches” with the women, Steven’s strengths and gifts were also needed. He coordinated with professionals to create shepherding / health plans, building a framework for accountability and holistic healing. He advocated for them to our org and created spaces where they felt permission to work on their own health without shame. Steven and I were able to work together in ways that felt appropriate for the people on our team, and by God’s grace, many of these women have found freedom and continue to persevere in the work!

Generally, women leaders are able to build deeper relationships with national women and with women on their teams, and speak into heart issues that a man might not be able to as easily. Being able to shepherd a team deeply is critical to keeping people persevering in the work as they find freedom from “everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles” (Hebrews 12:1).

Emotional Intelligence and Rapport

Both men and women image Christ in different ways, which often expresses itself in different ways in leadership. Corporate research also understands this dynamic. Multiple Harvard Business Review studies have concluded that women leaders generally excel in collaborative spaces, rapport-building, emotional intelligence, and empathetic thinking for others. Women are also often turned to in times of crises, trusted to exhibit more self-control and navigate difficult relational dynamics. But in some ministry leadership rooms, women can be more excluded and under-leveraged.

At its core, ministry centers around people. We team with people, we work with national partners, we try to love and serve people in a way that allows them to receive the gospel. In all these things, emotional intelligence, empathy, and collaboration are a strength that women tend to bring to the table. How many opportunities are we losing when we don’t harness the strengths of women leaders? How much more unified could our teams be? There is so much to gain through harnessing the unique contributions of women leaders.

Worth the Cost

From Adam and Eve to Priscilla and Aquila to Paul and his coworkers of men and women, we see in the Bible that there is a precedent of men and women leading and ministering together. In seeking this type of leadership dynamic, challenges will emerge. It might feel slow at first as you figure out new structures, new ways of communication, new ways of teaming.

But it’s worth the cost.

Men and women leading together allows for teams to realize the full potential of the body of Christ in order to access anyone who God has prepared to hear the gospel or be trained to make disciples.

Discussion Questions

Here are some questions you can use to discuss and pray through how you might be able to empower the men and women on your teams toward greater co-leadership and collaboration with one another.

• What feelings arise when you think about men and women leading together? What excites you, and what tensions do you notice? Why?
• Looking at your current leadership context, are both men and women represented in leadership roles and decision-making spaces?
• What roles do men and women play on your team? How does cross-gender collaboration and teamwork currently function?
• How might empowering both men and women leaders expand your access to the people you are ministering to?
• Are team members and national partners positioned to thrive in their callings, strengths, and gifts? Why or why not?
• Is there someone you sense the Spirit is inviting you to intentionally elevate and develop as a leader?
• What specific changes could you make to strengthen collaboration and teamwork between men and women leaders on your team?

…every time there has been a spiritual awakening, women are often called up into ministry and spiritual leadership. It’s one of the signs of a revival that isn’t talked about very often.

Dr. Jo Anne Lyon, 181

In Developing Female Leaders, church consultant Kadi Cole addresses how churches and leaders can better develop, empower, and elevate women leaders, with strategies on how to navigate common “minefields” and barriers that women leaders experience.

Cole draws from research from more than 30 executive and high-level female ministry leaders from a variety of settings, survey results from over 1,000 female leaders around the world, and interviews from male church leaders who are actively engaging in this issue. Each chapter outlines a “best practice” for church leaders to follow and ends with discussion questions to work through with a leadership team.

We have found this book incredibly relevant and practical. Kadi Cole’s best practices challenge many common assumptions held about women in ministry leadership, and reveal how those assumptions might actually be holding leaders back! But when women leaders are intentionally developed in a supportive environment, all that stunted potential can be unleashed for the expansion of the kingdom of God!

…there’s always room for one more at God’s table…there will always be more than enough people to love, more than enough people to serve, more than enough people with whom we can share the gospel, and more than enough people who need great leadership. In God’s kingdom, there is more than enough for all of us.

Kadi Cole, 178

In the last two posts, we’ve talked about internal barriers for women in leadership. In my experience, it is more important to deal with the internal barriers, as they are issues that we can directly work on individually. Additionally, trying to deal with external barriers before our own hearts is unproductive.

However, as I have rubbed shoulders with other women on the field and other women ministry leaders, we tend to have shared experiences over a list of external barriers and obstacles that are particular to women in ministry. In this post, I want to detail some of the most common external barriers that I have encountered and researched, and ways to address these obstacles. While this list is not exhaustive, I hope it’s a good starting point to examine your own leadership situation, and to consider ways you can continue moving forward.

A Rude Awakening

My first month in full time ministry, Steven was invited to participate in meetings with other leaders in our organization. While these leaders met to discuss long term strategy and objectives, the wives didn’t participate but sat together on the back porch.

One of the wives, who had the longest ministry tenure and field experience, decided to gather us for a discussion to get to know one another. Her opening question – “how are we submitting to our husbands?”

Coming from working in tech and an immigrant family that placed high value on career success, this question, and the following answers, were pretty shocking.

“I love that my husband makes my schedule every day.”

“My husband is the leader, and I just enjoy discipling girls who I meet.” 

“I used to be more involved, but now I am at home raising our kids.” 

At the time, I was newly married, new to ministry, and uncertain and insecure about my role. But I was passionate about Thailand and desired to lead a team there with my husband. While I wanted to learn from these womens’ experiences, these answers did not sound like what I was looking for. So I asked a clarifying question. “I’m obviously very new to this, but what does it look like to lead out in your vision with your husband in missions?” 

The answer came from the woman who started the discussion. “We are not the leaders. We should try to submit to our husbands and do everything we can to support their vision. When we were overseas, there was a couple on our team where the wife flourished in the ministry work and her husband had a harder time. So she stopped doing her own ministry to dedicate all her time to helping him.” 

I respect all of these women. They are faithful and servant-hearted. But this answer shut me down. It felt like my deepest fears, questions, and insecurities about being a woman in ministry leadership were being confirmed. Women couldn’t be leaders here or have ministries independent of their husbands. Our only role was to support our husbands and to tend a home. I couldn’t see a pathway forward for me.

External Barriers

When I talk about external barriers, I am looking at the surrounding contexts, structures, and environments that might limit a woman from entering into or growing in leadership. This post will only cover a few of the most common barriers for women: the biases concerning women in ministry, lack of resources for development, and lack of access to leadership spaces.

While the primary audience for this article is intended for women in ministry leadership roles and those who aspire towards leadership, I want to affirm that if you are a woman who feels called to primarily supportive roles on a team or to a role of supporting your husband’s ministry and focusing on the family at home full-time, that is an amazing and beautiful thing! I truly believe that each of us should be obedient to whatever role God has called us to, and to be secure and joyful in it! My hope in writing this post is to help women who desire to obey a calling towards ministry leadership, but experience difficulties through various barriers.

Biases Around Women in Ministry

There are numerous biases concerning women in the workplace, in ministry, or in leadership. Two biases that particularly impact ministry contexts are that women are expected to be gentle helpers. And secondly, mothers are expected to primarily take care of the home and operate as supports for their husband’s ministry.

Fitting the Supportive Role

In many ministry contexts, women are generally expected to carry out supportive roles. Ministry roles for missionary women that are generally deemed acceptable include things like caretaking, relationship building, hospitality, raising children, or administrative work. In meetings, if I am the only woman in the room, it is often assumed I will take notes.

However, for women who are suited to lead outside these spheres, these stereotypes act as unseen barriers. Decades of research on these topics have concluded that Western societies judge men and women on different criteria. A 2014 study from Stanford University found that women were given “substantially more critical feedback than men in performance reviews”, a significant amount of that being “negative personality criticism” (Take Back Your Power, 13). Women who expressed their leadership were often described as aggressive or bossy, while men were lauded as assertive or confident. 

This means that women in ministry often have to balance a tightrope of appealing to biases so as to not offend, all the while finding ways to still exercise their leadership without smothering their own giftings or voice. An analysis of executive women leaders in missions organizations found that women leaders “…focused on the relational aspects of leading”, which are behaviors that are generally more acceptable for women, while “…[direct leadership] behaviors are used with care and may also be perceived as high risk [for the woman leader] (Playing by the Rules, 140).” I have been in many conversations where capable women have been passed over for greater responsibility due to a perception that they would be too angry or dominating because of the stereotype that women should be gentle helpers.

Mothers Should Stay Home

Another common bias that impacts women in ministry is a general confusion around the role of mothers. If women generally should take supportive roles, then a mother even more so is expected to primarily focus on her family and in supporting her husband’s ministry work. One study revealed that job applicants who mentioned they were mothers on their resumes were viewed as “less competent than child-free women or men”, or seen as less serious about their jobs (Take Back Your Power, 18). These biases are sometimes more blatant in ministry contexts as well depending on theological or cultural context. It seems silly, but for years I struggled with a fear that if we had a child, I would be “forced” out of ministry because a good missionary wife should primarily dedicate herself to ministry at home.

When our organization first wrote their maternity policy, they mirrored other similar evangelical organizations that offered a 10-day maternity leave and no paternity leave. This is a senseless amount of time to expect a woman to recover from labor, childbirth, and to adjust to motherhood. Although the heart behind this choice was to allow new mothers freedom to roll off of staff to focus on their children, it also revealed an unspoken expectation that mothers would not want to stay on staff and that they would be able to easily leave prior ministry commitments. However, for mothers who wanted to stay in the ministry and did not feel called to be at home full-time, returning to work in 10 days felt like an impossible task and many ended up leaving staff as a result. Though adjustment and transition are needed, having a child should not disqualify a mother from being a leader or serving in ministry.

How to Respond to Biases Around Women in Ministry

When considering leadership, it is important to be aware that these stereotypes exist and to respond to them in a humble and God honoring way. Sometimes we can be surprised when we realize we believe them ourselves! 

When you run into policies or people with biases about women in ministry or leadership, don’t jump to assumptions about a person’s intentions! Instead, ask questions and deliver helpful direct feedback. In my experience, people rarely have malicious intent, and usually there is a lack of understanding that can be brought to light and corrected. A helpful question could be something like, “can you help me understand how you reached that decision?” or “can you explain the history of that policy to me?” 

After gaining clarity, provide clear feedback. A good phrase to use is “I see where you’re coming from, but this is how I experience you / this policy / this situation.” While these conversations can feel risky to initiate, the goal should always be for mutual benefit – for you to express yourself authentically and for others to grow in understanding, and together to find solutions as co-laborers and not enemies. Try to prevent bringing frustration and anger into these conversations as, ironically, negative emotions can feed into an “angry woman” stereotype and end up stifling your influence. When humbly offered, I have found that most people have generally responded positively to feedback I have given.

If, despite your best efforts, things don’t change or people continue to not see their biases, don’t try to force your issue and get bogged down in these types of conversations. It is not our job to make everyone see our point of view. In these cases, pray and consider – what are creative solutions that can address the biases that are working against you?  Is there someone who can advocate for you? Is there an environment you need to leave? Is there forgiveness that you need to extend?

Lack of Resources for Development

In my own story, one of my biggest barriers to growing as a leader was that I had never seen it done before! In a study of 1,000 evangelical nonprofits, women represented only 16% of leaders at any level. When we don’t have a model to follow, it becomes that much harder to envision what stepping into leadership could look like. 

For years, I tried to be a leader based off of the example set by my male leaders. While there were many things I have learned from male mentors, they were still unable to fully help me navigate the uniqueness of being a female leader. And many of their methods of leadership didn’t work for me when I tried to put them into practice. Role stereotypes exist for men in leadership as well, and the type of male leader that is celebrated is usually someone strategic, direct, and who speaks well in front of a room. As someone who is not naturally wired this way, I despaired of ever becoming a “good leader” until I learned how to lead out in a way that was more instinctive and natural to who I am.

Along with lack of access to leadership examples and mentors, women leaders often have less opportunities for development. Like often attracts like, meaning that we are more drawn to people who are like us. In a missions leadership context, this means that male leaders will generally be more open to mentoring and coaching other men, or inviting men into more ministry or development opportunities. One of my male mentors’ main method of developing other leaders was to invite them to be “side by side”. He would bring someone he was trying to develop into all his meetings and ministry activities, have meals together, and debrief his thought process with them. This is an excellent way to bring someone up, but it is much easier for a male leader in ministry to invite a man into this type of mentorship than a woman. 

Biases about women’s roles, as previously mentioned, can also contribute to whether or not women will have access to resources and developmental opportunities. When we launched to the field, I was not given a supervisor since it was assumed my role would be to support Steven in his ministry. This meant that Steven received coaching, information, or opportunities for development from his supervisor that wouldn’t get to me other than as a trickle down from him. Too often, this can be a common situation with women in more conservative ministry organizations. Another prevalent situation is for single women to not receive adequate coaching from supervisors if a male supervisor has a conviction to not meet one on one with a woman.

How to Respond to Lack of Resources for Development

 If you find yourself in this situation of lacking models or developmental opportunities, my encouragement is to not let that stop you! Even if there aren’t others to help you develop actively or current models of women in leadership to follow, continue to pursue personal development by using tools like a personal development plan or a 360 evaluation to assess your strengths and weaknesses and find areas where you can grow. Read books (including the topical studies in the Bible!) and proactively ask for opportunities where you can serve, learn, and grow through experience. Sampling many types of ministry and service helps to clarify what kind of leader you might be.

At the same time, pray and ask God for a mentor and then seek one out. When Steven and I started leading, we were overwhelmed by all that we didn’t know how to do. How do we help teammates navigate conflict? How do we write a team MOU? What are the steps we should follow to see a church planting movement? Help! We wrote down a list of names of people who we respected and had expertise in the topics we needed help with, and asked them to speak into our lives and the situations we were dealing with. Over the years, this group has become a consistent source of mentorship and encouragement for us. In the same way, if you are looking for an example or someone to help you grow, seek out that person and ask them to help you! Though it can be scary to ask, most leaders are going to be honored that you have asked for their help and will be happy to lend their expertise.

Finally, as you seek out mentors, take time to network with other women leaders who are also running a similar race to you. Having a network of peers who can empathize with you addresses much of the loneliness many women leaders face from often being the only woman in the room.

For women reading this, who are 2-3 women you could ask to mentor you in your leadership journey? Who are 2-3 women who are in a similar leadership space as yours that you can connect with? Write those names down and begin to pray that they would say yes! 

Lack of Access to Leadership Spaces

Traditionally in our organization, after leaders came together for planning and meetings, they would spend time together at a bar with drinks. On top of building community, this informal time was used to debrief, share information, discuss new ministry assignments, and plan forward. In the business world, this time is called the “meeting after the meeting”, which is often where the real work gets done as people feel greater freedom to brainstorm and plan in a more informal setting. While I was privileged to sit around the table due to Steven’s advocacy in bringing me along, many women leaders in our organization found that the bar often felt inaccessible. In a Christian ministry, it felt vulnerable and uncomfortable for a woman to stay out late in a group of majority men with alcohol. The timing also made it basically impossible for mothers to join. The next morning, women leaders who missed the time at the bar would come into the meeting and find out that multiple decisions were made and responsibilities were given out without them ever hearing about it.

Oftentimes, growing in leadership in mission organizations and on ministry teams depends more on influence and who you know, rather than following an official pathway. A title doesn’t necessarily equate to leadership influence and authority. However, women are often underrepresented in the leadership rooms where they could receive coaching and development, build influence, express their desire to grow in leadership, or advocate for their perspectives. This can be incredibly frustrating for women who continually feel “passed over” as prospective leaders simply because they weren’t in the room. 

Additionally, though there are opportunities for skills development for overseas workers through seminars and trainings, I have observed that most participants and trainers are men. The reasoning is often that if someone needs to stay back, the wife is the default. Unfortunately, this results in exacerbating the previous issue of lack of examples. By not attending trainings, women seldom have an opportunity to see other women leading out in ministry, find like-minded mentors, or to meet with other women on the field with similar ministry responsibilities. 

How to Respond to Lack of Access to Leadership Spaces

For women leaders who are feeling overlooked, my first encouragement is to continue to serve humbly and with joy! We aren’t in ministry for a title or for man’s validation, but because God himself has called us into this work. If He has a leadership title or influence for us, then He will reveal the pathway forward. But to become angry, frustrated, or entitled will only sabotage ourselves more. Steven often encouraged me to, “assume I belong in the room.” If I assume that I belong and that my contribution and perspective matter already, then there is no need to fight for it.

That being said, there are some strategies that women can employ to receive greater access into leadership spaces. Firstly, express your desire to be a part of the leadership conversation! Most people are not badly intentioned or desire to deliberately block women from leadership spaces. However, they may not know you are interested, or that current systems do not lend themselves to being inviting towards women. In the situation with the drinks at the bar, my feedback to the main male leader was to have that time in one of the women leaders’ homes instead of the bar, and to explicitly invite women leaders.

While it may feel risky, continue to ask for clarity. What is required to enter this leadership room? How are decisions being made? Is there a place where I can contribute my input and voice? After expressing your desire and receiving clarity, if nothing is blocking you, show up and represent yourself well! Even if you are the only woman, it only takes one to be a barrier breaker. 

Deb Liu, CEO of ancestry.com, recommends including 4 elements in your ask: your desire, the why, the timing, and a specific invitation for how this person could help you now. For example, instead of just saying you want to be a team leader, say something along the lines of, “I have focused on training disciplemaking tools for the last few years and I would love a chance to grow and learn more about leading others to do the same things. In the coming year, could I shadow you as you lead the team, and also take on some smaller leadership assignments?”

Secondly, find an advocate or a sponsor. While a mentor is someone who can consult, encourage, and share wisdom over specific topics, an advocate is someone who can represent you and your viewpoint in leadership spaces and can vouch for your ideas to other leaders, clearing the way for you to enter the room. If you’re desiring to be a leader, a sponsor can open the path for you with decision makers in your organization. According to a study of business leaders by Sylvia Ann Hewlett, men are 46% more likely than women to have true sponsors. In my case, Steven was my greatest advocate. He saw me as a leader and reported truthfully on my contributions. He also deliberately brought me into his meetings and into leadership spaces so that other leaders might experience working with me, and so that I could grow in my own confidence.

Take the First Step!

As we consider the myriad of obstacles and issues that must be overcome in order for women to fully embrace their leadership, it can be so easy to feel discouraged. Is it even worth the effort? The painful conversations? The risk? 

Throughout my leadership journey, I have felt humiliated, exposed, hurt, and overwhelmed more times than I can count. If it was up to me, I would have given up hundreds of times, except that the Lord kept making clear to me in Scripture, community, circumstances, and prayer, that His calling on me was to serve as a leader! 

God is so faithful that He will not be satisfied with anything less than us becoming who He intends for us to be as leaders.

If you hear that call, even if it’s small right now, I want to encourage you to surrender to Him the barriers that hold you back and ask Jesus to help you take the first step. He will supply every need as you step into the good works He has for you!

Application and Reflection

1. Pray and ask God – Are you sensing that God is calling you to leadership? What internal or external barriers are keeping you from embracing that calling?
2. What is something you can do to address current barriers you may face today?  
3. Who are you going to share or encourage with what you learned today?

In the last post, I broke down some of the most common ways I have noticed women leaders in ministry tend to self-sabotage. In this post, I will continue with two more examples of internal barriers. If you are a female leader reading, ask the Holy Spirit to help identify areas that he would have you grow in, without shame or guilt. For male leaders, ask the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom for how to navigate these issues with women that you may lead or work with.

Not Leveraging Our Emotional Intelligence as Leaders 

For years, I felt like being soft-hearted was one of my greatest weaknesses in leadership. When people shared their hardships with me, I would cry openly. Steven teases me that I can’t hide my face – if I’m angry, frustrated, sorrowful, or amused, everyone will know it. I was ashamed of this trait until one day, a woman I was leading told me “I love that you are a strategic leader, but also an emotional one.” What I hadn’t realized was that my tears were actually key to building trust with her, and that my openness created space for her to feel like she could be authentic in how she felt too.

What it is: One of the greatest strengths many women leaders bring to the table is emotional EQ and empathy. Many female business leaders tend toward empathetic and collaborative leadership styles that involve deeper relationship building and personal connection. And while both men and women have emotions and express them, many professional and leadership contexts still hold to the tradition of “keeping emotions at the door”. Women who show emotion will more quickly be stereotyped as “hysterical” or more “irrational”, while men are usually given a pass. Ironically, women who are less prone to showing emotion can be stereotyped as “cold”. Consequently, women who are more connected with their emotions are often not trained to appreciate or leverage their emotions in their leadership for God’s glory, but instead may feel pressure to stuff down their emotions to avoid a stereotype.

Underlying beliefs: When we have weaker emotional control or understanding, we may believe that our emotions are simply too much. We may feel like we are out of control and weak, or that emotions sabotage our leadership. As a result, we fear portraying our authentic selves to others because we internalize that who we truly are is embarrassing, could never be accepted, and would end up only burdening others.

What Poorly Leveraged Emotions Look like:  

• Suppressing emotions – Western society has generally limited what emotions are appropriate for women to essentially always wearing a smile. But women experience a whole gamut of emotions, including negative ones! So we often associate emotions with weakness or disapproval, and will do everything in our power to not express them. This creates dissonance within ourselves and causes others to perceive us as unapproachable. In addition, the longer we bottle up our emotions, the more likely we are to overreact.
• Manipulation – Sometimes, our emotions can take over. We may lash out in anger, gaslight, or cry to manipulate and win sympathy from others. Women without control over their emotions may be seen as volatile and untrustworthy.

How to address poorly leveraged emotions: God created women in his image, and a unique thing about God is that he also experiences emotions! Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus (John 11:35), turned over tables in righteous anger (Matthew 21:12-13), and rejoiced in the Spirit (Luke 10:21). Our emotions help us to connect with God’s heart, and to reflect him to the world when we express our emotions out of the security, safety, and union that we experience in Christ. We don’t have to be ashamed of them. If you want to learn more about how to leverage emotions, we wrote an article on emotional thriving on the field.

When women leaders are unable to properly express their emotions or understand how to leverage emotions into their leadership, we lose a huge opportunity. Being vulnerable in our emotions allows us to display our authentic selves and to invite others to do the same. More often than not, properly leveraged emotion draws others towards us. The heart of ministry is always the people, and people are complex, messy, and emotional. Learning to be comfortable in our own feelings allows us to understand and be comfortable with others’ emotions too. This allows us to build empathy and collaboration into our leadership. 

Application:

• Learn to be curious about your emotions. At any given time when you experience strong feelings, pause to consider where those emotions are coming from. What are your emotions telling you about your values, motives, situation, needs, and your place in it? What are they telling you about the values, situation, motives, needs, etc. of those you lead? A helpful tool to use is the Emotions Wheel.
• Step away when feeling emotionally overwhelmed and surrender your feelings to Jesus to carry. An easy tell for when you are emotionally “flushed” can include behaviors like complaining about others, speaking poorly of others, feeling overtaken by a feeling, or dumping raw emotions and venting onto a listener. It may take at least 10 minutes to calm down when you feel “flushed.” Learn to ask for time to process. “I want to take some time on this one and I’ll get back to you.” In that time, pray and ask Jesus to carry your emotions for you, and to help you sort through them.
• Share your feelings, not just information or directions, while maintaining proper boundaries! If you are emotionally aware and comfortable in expressing your emotions, those you lead will likely feel more comfortable being authentic with you. Ask those you lead for feedback, if you are uncertain how they received it.

Perfectionism

One of our best leaders in Thailand was a self-proclaimed perfectionist when she first launched overseas. And for her whole life, perfectionism served her well. She was excellent at almost everything she attempted and was the one you always could depend on. But when she landed in Thailand, language learning nearly broke her. No matter how hard she tried, planned, practiced, she couldn’t ever hear the tones of the Thai language. In a matter of weeks, she went from the consistent excellence she was always used to, to bottom of the class, just struggling to keep up with her husband and teammates. She had never not attained what she worked for, but the ability to pick up language was completely out of her control. Everybody around her had a front row seat to her failures. What must they be thinking of her? Every day she went to class, she experienced more shame at what a failure she was. 

What is it: Perfectionism is the tendency to demand an extremely high or even flawless performance, in excess of what is required by the situation. Perfectionists maintain this high standard by controlling their own behavior, others, a narrative, or circumstances.

Perfectionism particularly impacts women because social messaging often portrays ideal women in confusing contrasts – beautiful but not tempting, nurturing others but never expressing personal needs, smart and assertive but not bossy, and always smiling – leaving women spinning as they try to be all things at once. 

Underlying Beliefs: Perfectionists learn that people value them for what they do instead of who they are and come to see their worth as contingent upon other people’s approval regarding their contribution. This leaves them dependent on external validation and highly vulnerable to criticism. To protect themselves, perfectionists adopt the false belief that being “perfect” or achieving “perfect work” is their best defense against criticism and is the way to secure the future they desire. Perfectionist thoughts sound like, “if I can get this right, I can attain what I need and God will come through for me (or love me). It’s up to me. I can’t make mistakes.”

What Perfectionism Looks Like: 

• Having a standard for yourself that is higher than the standard you would say is appropriate for others.
• Overwork and the inability to rest or delegate. Perfectionists will often take on the work of others (including work that really belongs to the Holy Spirit and not us!). Over time, working too hard leads to joylessness. 
• Deep shame in failures and mistakes creates an inability to learn from those failures, admit mistakes, or receive critical feedback. 
• Lacking grace for others when they make mistakes. Judging and competing with others. If other people perform better, they may become a competitor for the validation you seek. 
• Oftentimes, those who are led by perfectionists may feel anxious, controlled, and pressured to be similarly perfect.

How Jesus Addresses Perfectionism: Freedom from perfectionism is found in the truths of the gospel. Perfection is impossible for us apart from Christ, and no amount of effort, discipline, or control will ever attain it. That’s why Jesus achieved perfection for us (Hebrews 2:10)! And through his death and resurrection, the inheritance of Jesus is yours by grace, not works (Colossians 1:12, Ephesians 1:3). Therefore, there is no need for striving, anxiety, or fear. Your work, your vision, and your fruitfulness is ultimately God’s responsibility, and he will accomplish it through you if you will surrender your methods for his (1 Corinthians 3:5-7)!

We also can remember the examples of biblical leaders who “failed” or did not have a perfect reputation, like David, Rahab, Peter, the Samaritan woman, or the sinful woman. How did God respond to these people? Despite making major mistakes, God still chose, anointed, and used these people in powerful ways. In fact, many times it was their weakness that magnified and enhanced the perfection of God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). 

Application: For perfectionists, battling perfectionism can feel like a lost cause because a mistake can trigger intense shame and hopelessness. But keep learning to extend grace to yourself every step of the way, and trust that it is Jesus who will give you freedom!

• Acknowledge your limitations and take intentional time to meditate on and receive God’s love for you, and how much he desires to show up for you in your weakness. Figure out what triggers your feelings of perfectionism / control. In what situations do you most feel like God won’t come through? What are the worst case scenarios that constantly play in your mind? Who are the people you most need to impress? As you learn to better recognize your triggers in the moment, take a step back, surrender whatever it is you’re trying to control, and remind yourself of your identity in Christ. 
• Set reasonable goals that make sense for yourself and for others, and preemptively surrender the outcomes. Sometimes it helps to run your goals through others to make sure they aren’t unrealistic. Practice delegating responsibilities to others. And fight the urge to hover or dictate how other people complete these assignments. 
• Set strong personal boundaries to prevent overwork. Schedule in times to rest, connect with community, and to disconnect from work.
• Own mistakes gracefully and view them as an opportunity to learn. Practice self affirmations when receiving feedback – “I make mistakes and that’s okay. God can use my mistakes for His glory.”

In reading lists like this, it is easy to feel discouraged. I know that I have personally struggled with each of these internal barriers, and sometimes become overwhelmed at what it will take to keep growing in order to be the leader that God has purposed me to be. But my encouragement to you is that finding freedom from these obstacles is not your sole responsibility. In fact, your sanctification and growth is the responsibility of the Holy Spirit, and he has every resource and wisdom to do so. Philippians 1:6 is a great comfort to me: 

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 1:6

The leader I mentioned in the section on perfectionism experienced this promise. Here is the rest of her story:  

“The language learning season was the most painful, prolonged, and difficult season of my life to that point. I was the kind of person who never did anything that I wasn’t good at and only focused on the things that I was good at and that ‘worked’ for most of my life. I fell into a deep and dark depression, wrestled with suicidal thoughts, and became a shell of a person.

Even in the midst of that darkness, I knew the Lord was with me and was doing something in me. I know now that God was using that season to show me the ugliness and wickedness of my sin. Perfectionism which is rooted in pride is sin. Ironically, I prided myself on my perfectionism because it was how I achieved many things in my life. I finally saw perfectionism for what it was and realized it was not just an empty promise or a bad coping strategy but that it was destroying me.

The Lord lifted me out of the pit. Once I understood what perfectionism was and what it was costing me, I wanted it gone forever. I didn’t want to be ruled by it anymore. The Lord supplied the faith I needed in the moment to believe and trust that He could heal me forever of perfectionism, and He did. 

Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses.

Acts 13:38-39-38

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1

These verses were so precious to me in that season. The heart of Christ is to free his people from their sins. Christ has purchased our freedom and the FULLNESS of our freedom. It’s so much more rich and vast and beautiful than we could ever imagine. But sometimes we fail to take Jesus up on his promise and live out of these truths. This doesn’t mean that process will be easy and pain-free, but it’s so worth it. I would walk through that season again just to live out of the freedom I have been walking in.” 

This story happened ten years ago, and this leader would say confidently that God healed her of her perfectionism. She hasn’t struggled with it since. Not only that, in the past ten years she has gone on to disciple and develop women on our team and dozens of Thai women (speaking in Thai!), and take on leadership of her own team. Currently, their team and their Thai ministry partners are seeing weekly baptisms and churches planted in some of the least reached parts of Thailand!

God knew what he was doing when he called you into leadership. He knew who you were and still desires to not only work with you, but IN you! He wants to finish the good work he began in you at salvation by helping you find freedom from impostor syndrome, perfectionism, the need for approval, and uncontrolled emotions. Our job is to simply surrender these things to him in faith, trusting that the Holy Spirit will give you the power, guidance, and desire to overcome. 

Take a moment to pray with the Lord: 

• What would it look like if he freed you from all the obstacles in your heart that hinder your leadership? 
• What would you attempt for God? 
• What could he accomplish through you?

This content was co-written with my friend LB who previously served as a team leader in East Asia and is currently serving in member care.

In the previous post, I shared about my leadership journey and the unique internal tension I felt about being a woman leader in ministry and on the mission field. Though I felt called and affirmed by God to step into leadership on our team in Thailand, I also continually struggled with doubt, anxiety, fear, and anger. While it was easy for me to blame these feelings on outside circumstances or people, I eventually came to the difficult conclusion that many (if not the majority) of my tensions were self-generated.

When God calls someone into leadership, he is primarily concerned with that person’s character and heart. Who we are is just as important to God as what we do for him. A person could learn every leadership development framework or tool, but without a heart freed from lies and filled with the identity found in Christ, their leadership will never reach its fullest potential.

In this post, I will focus on the most common ways that women leaders (including myself!) sabotage ourselves in the secret places of our inner lives and hearts. Before we can even begin to address external barriers or specific contexts, we want to always start by looking inward. While this list could also apply to men, I have noticed women in particular tend to struggle with these areas. Research suggests that one reason for this comes from gender-role stereotypes, which means that our social understanding and expectations of what it means to be a leader coincides more with an expression of male leadership than female leadership. Because of this, women leaders find they often need to navigate through unspoken rules and expectations that society does not necessarily place on men. For example, male leaders who speak up are applauded as confident and assertive, but women who speak up can often be labeled as “bossy” or “pushy.” So we often end up adopting self-sabotaging mindsets and behaviors as a way to cope (Playing By the Rules, 12).

As you read through these examples, ask the Holy Spirit to highlight any you may struggle with and ask how He might help you find freedom.

Imposter Syndrome

A few years ago, Steven and I were invited to a meeting of other team leaders around the world to discuss strategic ways to onboard and train new missionaries. Those attending, mostly men, seated themselves at the multiple tables in a large conference room, but I hung back paralyzed about where I was supposed to sit. It felt like the middle school cafeteria all over again! 

All the women in the room, mostly stay at home moms who were not involved in their teams or in ministry, fit around one single table. Do I shrink over to the women’s table, simply there as “Steven’s wife?” Or do I join the tables with the other men and get to talk about ministry?

Would they acknowledge me as a leader?

I ended up shuffling over to the table of women and sitting with them. Because discussions were organized by table, I ended up not being able to participate in any of the discussions as my table was assumed to be non-participants. After the meetings, Steven asked me, “why didn’t you sit at the main tables? You have just as much experience and just as much to say as anyone else here.” I felt ashamed by this question, because what Steven said was true! I did have experience as a leader and had unique things to contribute. But instead of trusting that God had called me to be a leader and to bring my unique perspective, I chose to hide (literally!) and diminished my own voice.

What Is It: Imposter syndrome is a feeling of unworthiness tied to our self identity, particularly in leadership spaces. Kate Coleman describes imposter syndrome as “…profound feelings of self-doubt and pervasive feelings of being unqualified” (7 Deadly Sins of Women in Leadership, 7). In a 2020 KPMG study of 750 female executive leaders, 75% reported regularly experiencing imposter syndrome, mostly because they never expected they would ever attain such a position. In that same study, over half of the participants revealed a fear that they would never meet expectations. 

We can experience imposter syndrome for a variety of reasons, from societal messaging that presents men as ideal leaders, the roles we played in our families, or our own lack of self esteem, just to name a few. Deb Liu, CEO of Ancestry.com, elaborates on why women tend to experience imposter syndrome more – “this feeling is even more acute when you are ‘the only,’ someone who doesn’t look like everyone else. You feel singled out. You are not only being judged on your merits but also feel the weight of being different (Take Back Your Power, 63).” Many times, women leaders are the only women in the leadership room. It can be hard to feel like you belong when no one else looks like you.

What Impostor Syndrome Looks Like: The way we display impostor syndrome can take a multitude of forms. Here are some of the ways I have seen it play out for myself and other women leaders: 

• Inauthenticity or “shrinking to fit” – pretending to be the ideal person who actually belongs in the leadership role and becoming less of your authentic self. Changing yourself to match the archetype of who actually fits.
• Fear of taking risks or of volunteering for assignments that carry a risk of failure.
• Inability to take feedback well. Constructive feedback will feel like a confirmation of all your insecurities and positive feedback will feel like a lie.
• Inability to ask for help for fear of revealing that you don’t have everything together, and isolating to make sure no one finds you out. 

Underlying Beliefs: When we experience impostor syndrome, common messages we tell ourselves may sound like, “I’m not good / smart / talented / liked / experienced enough. I don’t belong in leadership because I don’t look or sound like other leaders. Everyone, including God, was wrong to think that I might have something to contribute because they don’t know who I really am. I have to hide who I really am from everyone else or else they all will be disappointed.” 

How Jesus Addresses Impostor Syndrome: We must battle the lies of impostor syndrome with the truth of who Jesus says we are. The Bible says that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8-9). Jesus fully knows who we are and he chose to love us, save us, and adopt us into his family. Not only that, he has given you a leadership assignment and good works that only you can do (Ephesians 2:10). He promises to finish the good work of sanctification that he started in us (Philippians 1:6). And in fact, you are not a fraud because the Bible says that you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:21) and a royal priest (1 Peter 2)! 

When we believe the lies of impostor syndrome, we reject the identity that Christ died to purchase for us. We defy God’s vision of who he wants us to be and replace it with a lesser identity based on our fears and insecurities. But you don’t need to change yourself into a certain kind of person to “belong in the room”, or shrink back from faithful risk-taking in your leadership. God knows who you are and desires for you to lead as you are.

Application: If you find yourself falling into impostor syndrome in your leadership, here are some things you can do.

• Memorize scripture about your identity. Remember your leadership call and find confidence in your identity from Jesus first. Remember that if Jesus was the one who called you to leadership, then you absolutely belong in the room because he was the one who placed you there. 
• Know and celebrate what you bring to the table, as well as what you don’t. This helps you to portray your authentic leadership, and also keeps us from drifting into pretending to be who we are not. Find mentors and peers who you trust to guide and speak truthfully to you about who you are and to help you not deviate towards pretending. 
• Learn to accept feedback and mistakes gracefully, without shame or over apologizing. All leaders have weaknesses, and we miss out on crucial development when we are terrified of constructive feedback.

Desiring the Approval of Man over God

Early on in our team, I led a girl who was very talented in the ministry work but struggled with anger. We were good friends and I knew where these struggles had come from and that she wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt people with her sharp comments. However, though it was my job to manage and develop her, I found myself often pulling my punches. I withheld feedback and made excuses for her behavior (despite often being on the receiving end of her frustration) because I feared hurting her feelings, making her dislike me, or of having to deal with the fallout that might come my way if I did share what I truly thought. I prioritized winning her approval – or avoiding her disapproval – over being faithful to do or say what I knew the Lord was asking me to do in order to lead her well.

What is it: Desiring man’s approval is the act of placing others before God in your life. This includes being afraid of someone, holding someone in too high esteem, being controlled or mastered by people, putting excessive trust in people, or needing people to fill needs that God should fulfill.

What Needing Man’s Approval Over God Looks Like: 

• Needing constant validation from people – our leaders, those we lead, peers, family, anyone! When it’s not received, we can shut down in despair, or try to hunt for it in the form of attention seeking. It might look like fixating on trying to guess what other people are thinking of you.
• Needing man’s approval leads to people pleasing behavior. When we people please, we change ourselves to match other peoples’ expectations, thus affecting our ability to say “no” or to have proper boundaries with others. We may deprioritize our own responsibilities, ideals, or values in order to not rock the boat. But over time, this may cause us to feel like we are compromising ourselves in order to maintain approval. 
• Fear of making decisions and being held responsible for those decisions. Leaders often will be the lone voice or final decision maker for a team, and this is a daunting and heavy responsibility. It is almost impossible to make everyone happy all the time, and people who struggle with approval will have trouble trusting their own perspectives and logic enough to confidently own the responsibility or repercussions of their decisions.

Underlying Beliefs: My value / security / protection is found in how people perceive me. I am not enough and need affirmation that only other people can give me. God’s approval of me is not enough or not guaranteed.

How Jesus Addresses Fear of Man: When we struggle with a need for the approval of man over God, we forget that we are called to love and fear God above all else. When we love God first, we find that he is perfect, deserving, and the safest person to anchor our value and security on (Proverbs 29:25). We cannot call ourselves a servant of Christ if we value man’s approval over God’s (Galatians 1:10). His is the only approval that matters. From there, we find hope in the things God says of us. God loves us so much that he invites us to enjoy the fullness of union with Christ (John 15:1-10). How could God disapprove of us when we are one with the Son, who is absolutely approved of by the Father? We are valued, seen, and secure in God, and so we have freedom from needing it from fallible and imperfect people.

Application: 

• Have mentors and peers who you can consult and process with in your leadership decisions, and who you can trust to give you loving and trustworthy feedback.
• Know your triggers for when you start falling into patterns of approval seeking from people. In what situations and with whom do you start to dwell on what people are thinking of you? In what situations and with whom do you find yourself assuming peoples’ expectations or  intentions? Who can you never disappoint? 
• Plan well before meetings where you will have to make decisions, especially those with people whose approval you seek. What are you there to say? What are your non-negotiables, limits, and requests? Pause before saying “yes” and take 1 minute to assess your motives. If you say yes, what is the cost? 
• If you are hesitant to give feedback or to say hard things, consider what the cost of not saying something might be. In many cases, leaders are the only ones with the visibility into a person’s life and authority to be able to speak in, and our silence may rob a person we lead of critical development. 

These two internal barriers both come from not viewing ourselves rightly compared to how God sees us. When we judge our own value based off of things like other people’s opinions or societal stereotypes of what a leader should be or look like, we will often compromise ourselves to fit. We shrink back from risks and acts of faith that are required for bold leaders. This deeply saddens the heart of God, as he doesn’t see us or value us through any of those lenses. Instead, he desires that we would embrace fully the way he has created us and lead out of a confidence that our value is found in Christ alone!

Processing Questions

• Are internal barriers preventing you from stepping into greater influence or leadership?
• What are some internal barriers that keep you from being the leader God has called you to be? 
• Where do your internal barriers come from? How have you seen them play out in your life?
• How does God see you today? What are some truths from scripture that can help you remember this? 

In the second part of internal barriers for women in leadership, we’ll address two other significant topics – perfectionism and shame in our emotions.

Currently, women make up ⅔ of the missionary workforce! However, there is often a staggering lack of women in leadership positions in field contexts and mission organizations. For example, of the 200 organizations in MissioNexus, the largest professional association of evangelical mission agencies in North America, only 5 have women at the executive level (Playing By The Rules, 11). 

My own leadership journey was filled with confusion, barriers, mistakes, and a lot of failing forward. There are many women currently with overlooked leadership giftings, experiences, and calling who aren’t exercising that leadership to the benefit of mission teams because of both internal and external barriers. I believe that when women are released into their leadership God will work powerfully through them for his glory among the unreached!

My Story

Committing to moving and serving overseas was an incredibly difficult process for me. Though my heart longed for Thai people to know Jesus, there were significant fears that I had to work through before I could fully surrender to God’s calling for me to go. And one of my primary tension points was that I feared that being a leader as a woman meant that I was sinning against God.

Our sending church adheres to complementarian theology and tends to celebrate more traditional gender roles. I had never seen a woman leader outside of kids or women’s ministries, and wondered if I could have a role outside those spheres. After we got married, whenever Steven and I were in rooms of other ministry leaders, I started counting how many male leaders would greet me or even make eye contact. Unfortunately, the number was always very low, as most people assumed Steven was a leader whose wife tagged along. Even our leaders in our organization thought this way, and I was warned that I better do as much ministry while I could because I would be “taken out once [I] have kids.” While there is good intent and wisdom in that statement about the realities of being a mom in ministry, I received it with frustration and discouragement.

Throughout college, I had participated in and served on a leadership team over a 300 person campus ministry. Steven and I had together received vision, passion, and calling for Thailand through similar experiences and over a similar timeframe. I felt deep ownership over the team and vision that we were forming, and I desired to lead alongside Steven. But I had so many questions. Is it Biblical for women to be leaders? Can men and women co-lead together? What does that look like?

Our first year on the field was extremely difficult. My hidden questions, when met with cultural stress, stirred up into anger and accusation. No way was I going to be invisible! I was going to lead with my husband! It was my vision too! I pestered Steven ad nauseum, asking to be part of meetings he was going to. Questioning his decisions. Refusing on principle to do household chores (although, maybe I always would have done that). 

Steven, on his part, was confused. In his mind, when he had asked me to marry him, he always had expected me to be a ministry partner and co-leader with him. He discussed plans with me, facilitated team meetings with me, and brought me to networking opportunities. And he patiently bore with my obstinate antics, until one day in the midst of a spiraling complaining speech, he blurted out – “Who is oppressing you?”

Although he meant it as a joke, that one question made reconsider my whole perspective. This whole time, I was operating under the assumption that I was the only one able to advocate for myself and that Steven was only grudgingly humoring me in my desire to lead with him. Instead of trusting him and communicating, I projected my insecurities about my place in leadership onto Steven and felt like I had to fight him for a “place at the table.” But as we continued to discuss this topic (without my passive aggressive lashing out), we realized that we actually had always wanted the same things, but simply needed to get on the same page. 

I began to take proactive steps to grow in my own leadership, with much encouragement from my husband and our team. There were plenty of external obstacles, such as a lack of examples of women leaders, or lack of clarity in communication and expectations with my husband, organization, and sending church. But I realized that my greatest obstacle was my own lack of confidence that this was actually something God had called me to do. I needed to learn that my leadership was not sinful, but actually my form of obedience to God.

My View On Women in Leadership

After years of studying the Word on this topic, I believe that the Bible is incredibly empowering towards women who desire to step into leadership. The Bible is full of women leaders from Deborah (Judges 4-5) and Esther in the Old Testament, to Lydia (Acts 16:14-15) who led a house church, and Priscilla (and Aquila) (Acts 18:18-28) who co-labored with Paul in the New Testament. Jesus honors women in his interactions with them (Luke 10:38-42), going out of his way to speak to and encourage women (John 4), and the first witnesses of his resurrection were women (John 20:11-18).

My conviction in complementarianism is that there are certain roles and responsibilities that are set aside for men, namely elders (1 Timothy 3:1) in a local church and headship for husbands with their wives (Ephesians 5:22-23). Apart from that, men and women who are believers are commanded to honor one another, serve one another, counsel one another, and submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21, Romans 12:10, Romans 15:4). 

However, in my understanding of ministry leadership on the field, the role of a team leader isn’t the same of that of a local church elder, and I believe that women can be team leaders and can even supervise men. A clear example of this is Apollos, one of the greatest evangelists ever, was taught by both Priscila and Aquila (Acts 18:24-26).

I understand that this is a nuanced and potentially difficult topic for many. If you come from a tradition, organization, or church that has a different stance than what I described above, that’s okay! What matters is that you personally work out this question with the Lord and the Word with total honesty, until you reach a point of peace that you are obeying as God would have you do.

What Can Women Do?

Much of the discussion around womens’ roles centers on what a woman cannot do. Can a woman teach, and if so, who can she teach? Can she exercise authority? While I understand the desire for clarity on these sorts of questions, I have found that this discussion is much more empowering and productive when we focus on what the Bible says about what women CAN do – which is a whole lot! 

Exercise Gifts

When I first started leading our team, one of the most cunning lies that Satan repeated was that I didn’t look like a leader. In my mind, a leader commanded a room, led meetings, always had the right answer, and was strategically minded. I thought that being a leader was leading in the way that Steven did. And anyone who has ever met us knows that we exist on two opposite spectrums.

For years I tried to lead like him. I awkwardly interrupted meetings because I felt like I needed to say something decisive. I tried to learn and speak in strategic terms, and project out long term ministry objectives. But most of these attempts felt clunky and awkward, because I wasn’t leading as myself using the spiritual gifts God had given me.

Paul teaches about spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12:

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.

Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good

– 1 Corinthians 12:4-7

Gifts are given by the Holy Spirit’s will, for the common good. It is our responsibility to use our gifts, and employ them toward advancing God’s kingdom. Notice in this passage, there is nothing that distinguishes the gifts by gender. This includes giftings that are typically attributed to men like teaching, apostleship, or leadership.

What this also means is that it’s vital that women are able to know and work out of their own spiritual gifts. For me, my giftings include leadership, exhortation, and prophecy. My leadership doesn’t have to and shouldn’t necessarily look like Steven’s leadership. Instead, I have found that my best role in leadership is in exhorting our teammates and Thai partners to persevere and to develop toward greater Christ-likeness. “Hard conversations” have become my niche, and I am content to let Steven lead out on strategy conversations, though we both participate, give feedback, and support the other when they are taking the lead. I am thankful that God allows us to lead as we are!

For women reading this, do you know your spiritual gifts? Are you able to utilize your giftings on a regular basis? For women leaders – does your leadership role allow you to use your gifts? Are you aware of your teammates’ spiritual gifts and are you able to lead them toward roles that best maximize them?

Make Disciples

The last thing that Jesus said to his disciples before he ascended to heaven was the Great Commission. 

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

-Matthew 28:18-20

Out of Jesus’ own authority, all believers, male or female, are commanded to make disciples, to baptize them, and to teach these disciples how to obey God. Like giftings, the Great Commission is not dependent on gender! Therefore, women can and should be encouraged to make disciples who multiply, not only so that more may hear about Jesus but also for their own personal obedience to Christ.

When we consider that 51% of the unreached are women and that ⅔ of all goers are women, it is far too costly to exclude women from leadership and ministry work. By pulling women out of the equation, the potential missionary labor force is cut by more than half.

In our work in Thailand, we partner with National Apostolic Visionaries in trying to multiply movements of disciples and churches. Again, if the giftings of the Spirit are not limited according to gender, how many National Apostolic leaders could be women? Without women mission leaders to encourage and empower female NAVs, what opportunities for kingdom expansion are being missed? But when women are welcomed into leadership and given freedom to exercise their gifts fully, the Holy Spirit will use our contributions to glorify the name of Jesus! 

If you are a woman in leadership, or even considering leadership, is your whole team (male and female) equipped and confident to raise up disciple makers? If not, how can you develop them? Spend some time praying and asking God – what is my role in the Great Commission? Who have you called me to influence and disciple? Are there any female NAVs that you would have me walk alongside and empower? How will you use my leadership to multiply the gospel? 

For men reading this, reflect in prayer and ask God – are there women in my sphere who I could encourage toward leadership? How? Am I cultivating an environment where women can exercise their giftings?

Lead!

Regardless of where you land theologically on women’s roles in leadership, there are plenty of ways to build out roles that exercise your unique leadership and giftings in ministry to whatever level you believe is biblically encouraged, even without a title.

For example, discipling your family or new believers is a form of leadership. Training groups of people in evangelism tools and methods can be a venue to exercise a potential teaching gift. Shepherding and encouraging teammates is an integral leadership role on a team that doesn’t necessarily require a title. Project or administrative management is often an overlooked type of leadership gifting that can bolster a team or ministry effort in critical ways.

You may even begin to pursue team or ministry leadership, taking on responsibility over others and leading out in vision.

What are some ways you can start to practice and exercise your leadership on your team or in your ministry context? How can you pursue clarity with your leaders to find a role where you can begin to lead?

How Do I Start?

If you’re a woman reading this post and you feel like God might be calling you to be a team leader, to have some role of leadership on a team, or to exercise your leadership more in the context of CPM ministry, here are some next steps you could take. 

1. Come to a point of personal clarity and conviction concerning what the Bible says about women in leadership. While the Bible should be primary, a good commentary or theological studies like Men and Women in the Church are also helpful resources. The Coworkers Podcast is also a fantastic resource about men and women partnering together in movements, with a Bible study you can do with your whole team.

2. Take time to process with the Lord whether you are truly being called into leadership. We wrote a post on how to discern if you’re a leader that has some guiding reflection questions. Surrender your expectations and fears, and ask him for wisdom on how he has gifted you, and what role he would have you do and who he would have you lead. Write down questions you might have about what he tells you. Ask for verses to anchor your vision and calling into, and make your commitment to Jesus first. 

3. Communicate your desire with your organization and / or leaders. Ask them about the process toward becoming a team leader and for guidance on how to proceed. Each organization or denomination will have different requirements. 

4. Develop yourself. There are plenty of resources out there for women who want to develop as leaders. Books like Developing Female Leaders (Kadi Cole), 7 Deadly Sins of Women Leaders (Kate Coleman), and Making of a Leader (Robert Clinton) are good starts.

5. Begin to lead! If you aren’t ready to be a full blown team leader immediately and to recruit your own team, begin with smaller intermediate steps. Perhaps there is a specialized role on your team that you can begin to own, such as team development or resource creation, or maybe begin to own a key relationship with a national partner. You may encounter resistance at first, but remember, you belong in the room! God has given you a specific calling to leadership and he is pleased to use female leaders for his purposes! Everyone’s context is different, so if you need more guidance than these basic steps, feel free to contact us at contact@missionsleaders.com.

The Great Commission Needs Women Leaders

When we first launched, I wasn’t sure if I was a leader or what my leadership was supposed to look like. But through different experiences and circumstances, Jesus helped me to discover that I am one. I’ve had different opportunities to use my giftings, had a husband who championed me, a team that allowed me to lead them, and mentors throughout the years to guide me. However, the most significant factor God used toward helping me embrace leadership was our partner, Mint.

Mint was a church planter working in Northeast Thailand with a vision for the region and for neighboring Laos. As we spent time together and developed a relationship supporting her vision as Barnabas did with Paul, we increasingly became Mint’s friends, peers, coworkers, and confidants.

I quickly realized that Mint looked at me as a leader. It made no difference to her that I was a woman. If anything, it was more important to her that I was a woman leader who was just as committed to seeing Thailand reached as her. And because we are both women, she feels safe to open up to us, spend evenings in our home, train with me, and bring me into discipleship conversations with other women leaders. Because I am a leader, she respects my feedback and exhortations and knows that I empathize with her own leadership challenges as a woman.

Mint started out as the church secretary before launching as a church planter with no support or training. Now, through God growing her leadership, she is a regional leader with a dozen church planting teams under her and generations of churches multiplying out of her stream. In Mint’s region, the least reached in Thailand, her best leaders are unsurprisingly women. And she has continued to be an example that many other women have seen and desired to emulate throughout our church planting network because she has obeyed God in exercising her leadership gifting. Seeing God bear fruit through Mint has been one of the most rewarding and empowering affirmations of my own leadership.

The Great Commission will never be completed without women stepping into leadership. All women are called to be disciple makers, and many women are gifted in a multitude of ways to lead. Women display and model Christ in a wonderfully distinct way from men, and it would be a shame to pull back our contribution because of fear, a lack of clarity, or because the pathway is not defined. In my next post, I will address some of the major internal and external barriers women face in leadership.

I believe there are more women being called now to courageously step into greater leadership and influence. The Holy Spirit is raising up female national leaders among the unreached, many of whom will be best empowered by other women missions leaders. 

We are confident that when these two groups are able to partner together in the gospel, the Spirit of God will pour out power that will result in multiplication and restoration for generations to come.