By no means did I have everything figured out by then – far from it. But the leadership lessons the Spirit gave through Scripture have remained true for the last decade. I’m thankful for the Spirit’s guidance in some of these foundational insights that have helped define my philosophy of leadership and ministry. Here are some of the leadership lessons that I discovered from the life of David.

One of my favorite books is Through Gates of Splendor. Everyone knows the big story of their deaths on that beach and the after effects of the Auca Indians coming to know Jesus. But for me, the real value in that book is reading the private journal entries from each of those men, and seeing the depth of their conviction and passion for Jesus and for the lost.

On the 3rd page of the book, Jim Elliot writes in his diary,

“He makes His ministers a flame of fire. Am I ignitable? God deliver me from the dread asbestos of ‘other things.’ Saturate me with the oil of the Spirit that I may be aflame. But flame is transient, often short lived. Canst thou bear this, my soul-short life? Make me thy fuel, Flame of God.“

That last phrase, “Make me thy fuel, Flame of God,” is a poem from Amy Carmichael which talks about dying to self, and God’s grace in our weakness. Jenn got it framed for me this Christmas.

So this sort of conviction, this kind of passion is deep in our hearts as we’re on the plane taking off from Austin last year, holding each other’s hands and sobbing our guts out, because there’s a unique sort of dying to self that happens when you stop calling America, “home.” We are ready to die for the glory of Christ among the unreached. That’s the kind of conviction and vision we have upon leaving, and I’m sure that is what you guys feel as well.

I wish I could tell you that after one year, we’ve had nothing but passionate worship for Jesus and boat loads of people coming to know Christ. That hasn’t been true.

Before you go, everything is theory: you have a massive end goal to see movements among the unreached. And so you build this perception before going, maybe unintentionally, that everything overseas will be these big wins and dramatic moments.

The reality is very different. There is a lot of plodding. A lot of confusion, a lot of sin coming to the top that you didn’t even know you had, a lot of “I don’t know.” All the while you’re learning everything from new like a baby, especially language, and your whole team is also thrashing like they’ve just been thrown in the deep end. They’re looking at you to tell them what to do, like you actually know! There is a lot of guessing, because you really just don’t have enough information or experience to make a decision on your own wisdom.

And that is actually a grace of God.

As I’ve been trying to learn how to be a good leader, I’ve been studying David and Saul in 1 and 2nd Samuel. So I want to give you three comparisons between David and Saul as a framework for some of my own experiences in Thailand.

Listening to the Holy Spirit vs. Depending on your own Wisdom

To me, this is the most obvious difference between David and Saul. Saul seems to be insecure about his authority, his role as King. So he makes decisions based on what will benefit him, or appease his followers.

Saul disobeys God, and God takes His Spirit from him. Everything that Saul does after that point is based on his own wisdom instead of the Spirit’s, and Saul’s jealousy and sin has David fleeing for his life.

1 Samuel 22 is where we can see Saul has completely unraveled. He’s an insecure, jealous, power-drunk leader. Ahimelech the priest has just aided David with bread and by inquiring of the Lord for him, and Saul finds out. He’s basically foaming at the mouth when he confronts Ahimelech.

And Saul said to him, “Why have you conspired against me, you and the son of Jesse, in that you have given him bread and a sword and have inquired of God for him, so that he has risen against me, to lie in wait, as at this day?” Then Ahimelech answered the king, “And who among all your servants is so faithful as David, who is the king’s son-in-law, and captain over your bodyguard, and honored in your house? Is today the first time that I have inquired of God for him? No! Let not the king impute anything to his servant or to all the house of my father, for your servant has known nothing of all this, much or little.” And the king said, “You shall surely die, Ahimelech, you and all your father’s house.” And the king said to the guard who stood about him, “Turn and kill the priests of the LORD, because their hand also is with David, and they knew that he fled and did not disclose it to me.” …And Nob, the city of the priests, he put to the sword; both man and woman, child and infant, ox, donkey and sheep, he put to the sword.

-1 Samuel 22:13-19

Saul’s insecurity, his jealousy, lead him to kill a whole city of innocent people, the servants of God. It all starts from his lack of obedience to God, and his failure to submit to the Spirit.

I used to be super insecure about my role as a leader. I’m on a team with a lot of my closest friends – I grew up with them, and they know how big of an idiot I am. I don’t have way more experience, and for a long time, I didn’t understand that being a leader is a role that God gives to serve the body; it’s NOT some kind of improved value. If you know your identity is in Christ and you are a servant of his, then you won’t be worried about the approval of your teammates. You won’t be concerned with whether they like what you’ve said or not because you’ll be focused on obeying God, who put you in that position.

Being a leader is a role, not a value.

David, in comparison to Saul, often does what seems contrary to the obvious, and also contrary to what his people want him to do. Before making a decision, he inquires of the Lord. This is the key idea.

9 times in 1st and 2nd Samuel it says that David inquires of the LORD. When David inquires, he is specific, and he is obedient. He asks specifically of God, “What do you want me to do? Should we go here? Will we have victory?”

And he is obedient. Every time he inquires, he does exactly what God tells him. He doesn’t do what his men tell him, and he doesn’t do what he might think is best. He does what God tells him to do.

I think the best example of this is in 1st Samuel 30. David and his men have gone to battle but are sent back. While David and his army are gone, the Amalekites raid Ziklag, the city where David’s army left their women and children, and they kidnap everyone.

And when David and his men came to the city, they found it burned with fire, and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. Then David and the people who were with him raised their voices and wept until they had no more strength to weep. David’s two wives also had been taken captive, Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel. And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.

And David said to Abiathar the priest, the son of Ahimelech, “Bring me the ephod.” So Abiathar brought the ephod to David. And David inquired of the LORD, “Shall I pursue after this band? Shall I overtake them?” He answered him, “Pursue, for you shall surely overtake and shall surely rescue.”

–1 Samuel 30:3-8

This is probably one of the hardest points of David’s leadership. He comes home from battle to see his city ransacked, and all the women and children kidnapped. They are weeping until they have no strength to weep! And his followers want to stone him – they are bitter and desperate.

I don’t know if you’ve experienced this kind of desperation yet in your leadership. I don’t think I have. Everything has failed, and everyone is against you. David is chased from his homeland, the King who he has served wants him dead, he’s lost his family, and his own followers want to kill him. I’m praying I have the response of David when this moment hits – he strengthened himself in the Lord.

Here is where it gets crazy. He inquires of the Lord. Should I pursue? Will I overtake them? And he waits for God’s response.

Think about it — WHAT ELSE IS HE GOING TO DO HERE? Not pursue them?! The people would most definitely stone him at this point. But he doesn’t do what is obvious, he doesn’t do what he feels would be right, he doesn’t do what his people want him to do. In the lowest point of leadership, he looks to the Lord. That is the defining mark of a godly leader. And God gives them victory – they reclaim everything and more.

In every one of the 9 inquiries that David makes of the Lord, he is trying to make a strategic decision. He asks, what should I do? Where do I go? When should I do it? Will I have victory? He takes the specific effort to pause, consult a priest with the ephod, and listen to the Lord. Most of these are urgent battle decisions that need to be made quickly, but David consults the Spirit.

So for you leaders — When you make a decision (What people groups should I go to, and when? Who should I recruit? What is our approach?), you need to ask, have I covered it in prayer first? Do you know what the Spirit’s voice sounds like? Do you have the intimacy of coming into his presence daily?

For us, we came in with a vision to mobilize Thai believers to start movements. We also came in with a strategy, timeline, and plan that was our best shot based on what we knew before we arrived in Thailand. But there’s so much that you won’t know until you arrive. We have learned so much in this last year, and our strategy has been changing and adjusting. We learn, we consult with the Lord, we discuss, and we tweak our strategy. But our vision is always the same – for that, we prayed and fasted and sought the Lord, and the vision is from him. So our strategy and timeline we hold loosely, but our vision we hold tightly.

Whenever there is a strategic decision to make, I need to fight to cover it in prayer before I make a decision. Because chances are, what I think is the best is not right.

So the first mark of a godly leader – listening to and obeying the Holy Spirit. Starting now – learn what the Spirit’s voice sounds like, and get in the habit of submitting every decision to him first.

Humility in Service vs. Pride in Position

We’ve already seen how Saul is insecure about his leadership role. He’s worried about what the people think about him and about David. He’s consumed by jealousy for his position when people start to sing David’s praises.

The women sang to one another as they celebrated,

“Saul has struck down his thousands,
and David his ten thousands.”

And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands, and what more can he have but the kingdom?” And Saul eyed David from that day on.

-1 Samuel 18:7-9; 12-13

Saul was afraid of David because the LORD was with him but had departed from Saul. So Saul removed him from his presence and made him a commander of a thousand.

Saul goes on to make unnecessary decrees and orders that are all based on preserving his own position, as opposed to serving the purposes of God who put him in that position! God wants to use David, but Saul, instead of empowering his best commander, becomes jealous and limits him. It’s about his glory, not God’s.

As a leader, you are there to empower your people to succeed. If one of my guys starts to see 2nd and 3rd generation fruit and the beginnings of a movement, I’m not going to demote him because I want to be the one who gets credit! I’m going to give him all the help I can. Your team members aren’t there as servants to fulfill your vision – you are there as a servant to help them fulfill God’s vision.

A leader exists to be a servant and help others fulfill God’s vision for them.

David knows that He is a primarily servant of God, and his heart is after God’s glory, not his own. He hears from the Lord, and leads his people in obedience to God by serving them.

As a leader, you have to do the gritty stuff that most people don’t like to do. And you have to make hard decisions – and take responsibility for those decisions – which most people don’t like to do either. Making difficult decisions is a large part of how leaders can serve.

Going back to 1st Samuel 30, after the Amalekites have raided Ziklag and kidnapped the families, when God tells David to pursue he takes 600 men in full on pursuit. Remember, they’ve just prepared for war and have traveled 3 days back to Ziklag. They’re really tired.

As they reach a river, 200 of them are too exhausted to continue, but David goes with 400 and overtakes the Amalekites and gain everything back. When he goes back to the two hundred exhausted men, a conflict arises. Let’s see how David deals with this.

Then David came to the two hundred men who had been too exhausted to follow David, and who had been left at the brook Besor. And they went out to meet David and to meet the people who were with him. And when David came near to the people he greeted them. Then all the wicked and worthless fellows among the men who had gone with David said, “Because they did not go with us, we will not give them any of the spoil that we have recovered, except that each man may lead away his wife and children, and depart.” But David said, “You shall not do so, my brothers, with what the LORD has given us. He has preserved us and given into our hand the band that came against us. Who would listen to you in this matter? For as his share is who goes down into the battle, so shall his share be who stays by the baggage. They shall share alike.” And he made it a statute and a rule for Israel from that day forward to this day.

-1 Samuel 30:21-25

With authority and reason, David resolves the conflict swiftly and decisively. And he makes it a statute so that his people know: this is the clear expectation moving forward. And they don’t run into this problem again.

Throughout 1st and 2nd Samuel, we see that David is a servant of God, and he directs his people to obey God. He gives them clear guidance so that they can thrive, and in conflict he’s at the forefront mediating and taking responsibility for his people, shielding them, and protecting them.

Jenn and I are responsible for our people. When there’s hard stuff to do, we need to be first in line. We had to go recently to figure out visa extensions. Which is one of the utmost joys of living in another country. Jenn and I actually didn’t need to go because we were coming back here to renew our visas, but we went anyway so we could figure it out for everyone else. So we have to do the wake up early, dress up, get all the documents, travel out to the immigration office, wait in line for 3 hours, figure out the mess, all that. And of course, we get rejected because we have the wrong paperwork.

I’d much rather be meeting with Thais and sharing than going to the visa office, but I need to do it for my team. I’ve asked them to be here in Thailand, so I’ve got to make a way for them to be here, even if it is tedious and unexciting.

We went to Thailand about 3 months before the team, and I’d recommend that every team leader go 3-6 months early to figure stuff out for your team. There’s a lot of transition, and a lot of logistics. You serve by being the first ones through the wall for your people.

If there’s a conflict in your team, you’re there to mediate. I hate conflict, and I generally avoid it if I can help it. Thai people take it to the next level – if there’s a conversation that they don’t want to have, they just won’t have it. Literally, they will just disappear off the face of the planet and you won’t see them again.

But as a team leader, I can’t do that. I had to learn to embrace the role of shepherd, and do the things that I wasn’t comfortable with doing. I need to mediate conflict and I need to hear people’s stresses and anxieties and problems, and try to shepherd them with the gospel. You serve by entering into difficult conflicts.

You also need to set the boundaries and expectations for your people. Be clear about what you want them to do, how they can thrive. Everything is new and tenuous overseas, but they need a semblance of structure and guidance from you. If something goes wrong — even and especially if it’s not your fault — you take ultimate responsibility for the decisions you make for your people.

So how are you empowering your people to succeed? Are you giving them tracks to run on? Is this vision about your success, your cool stories in your newsletter, or about God receiving glory and your people obeying him well? How are you humbling yourself to serve those that you lead?

Repentant in Sin vs. Hardened Heart

It goes without saying that Saul had a hardened heart. When he confronted Ahimelech about helping David, Ahimelech offered his defense – how was he wrong in helping David when he had done it so many times before? Saul is shown how hypocritical and arbitrary he is being. But instead of admitting his wrong, Saul reacts violently, and “solves” the problem by just killing Ahimelech and all the priests. He had a hardened heart.

As King, David was far from perfect. There’s several times throughout his life when David is about to commit some sin, but God gives him grace and saves him from guilt. But we know of David’s huge moral failure with Bathsheba, resulting in a fractured family and kingdom.

As I was reading 1st and 2nd Samuel, I knew this part was coming. I dreaded coming to this part in 2nd Samuel and reading about David’s sin. Because all throughout his life it’s about God’s favor in his life, and how he is a man after God’s heart! He was chosen by God to bring glory to himself and lead Israel. Why would God allow there to be this huge moral failure in his life?

We all want to be good leaders. We want to be above reproach, with a good reputation. We want our people to trust us and depend on us. We hear those stories of goers who had huge moral failures overseas and are sent back in shame. This is a real fear of mine, that my leadership will be disqualified because of some kind of sinfulness.

The truth is that we are all far from perfect. During our time in Thailand this year, the stresses and frustrations forced sins to the top that I didn’t even know I had.

And I can’t help but think, Jim Elliot’s life didn’t look like this.

One of the hardest points of the last year was actually Christmas Eve. We’re missing our friends and family, we have culture shock. We had just gotten there, no idea what we’re doing, no idea how to communicate, and it’s stupid hot. I’ve gotten sick 3 times in two months, and I was sick on Christmas Eve.

We were in this crowded mall, trying to buy presents for each other, and I hate malls because I’m an introvert. And I’m sick and just so frustrated and stressed, so of course that leads into my frustration turning against the only person it can, which is Jenn.

And we had a bad fight. Like worse than basically any we’ve had in the States. Of course, I don’t even remember what it was about.

And I just want to be done.

I don’t want to engage with Jenn, with Christmas, with Thailand, with myself. I just want to disappear, go find a hotel somewhere, let her do Christmas by herself – that’ll show her. (If you can’t tell, I’m the flight response in conflict.) And I was so close to just bailing, when the Spirit just softly said, “What are you doing? You’re not this kind of man.”

And so I stayed. We talked and apologized and repented and forgave each other. It was God’s grace that He gave us a great Christmas Day. But Christmas Eve was an ugly day, and showed the ugliness of my heart. It was a low point for me.

I’ve had to apologize to my wife so many times this year. But more than that, I’ve had to repent before God. It took David a big shock from Nathan after he committed adultery and murder, but when he realized what he’d done, his response was repentance. “I have sinned against the Lord.”

He pleads with God in Psalm 51, “Have mercy on me, wash away my iniquity, cleanse me from my sin!”

As a leader, as a goer, as a broken person: you will mess up. You will sin. You will lash out. The stress of going overseas is multiplied by the responsibility of leadership. I’ve heard it said that, “cross-cultural ministry is a crucible. It will either chew you up and spit you out, or you will be refined like gold.” Get ready for it!

The stress of going overseas is multiplied by the responsibility of leadership.

Your only response in the face of sin is to have a heart of repentance. Praise be to God that our pleading for mercy has been answered – Jesus has done it for us on the Cross.

My bold prayer after reading 1st and 2nd Samuel – make me a better man and better leader than David. Which is really an outrageous prayer. But it’s possible because of Christ in me. The stress of going overseas is multiplied by the responsibility of leadership. But Jesus gives us grace in the midst of our weakness.

It’s been a hard year, with a lot of forgiveness and a lot of prayer and communication, but one of the things we’re most thankful for is how God has strengthened our marriage.

We know God is making us more like Jesus through sanctification. He’s getting us ready so He can use us more. Being a leader isn’t about being perfect or never being wrong. It’s about owning your mistakes, learning from them, and pushing forward. Being a leader is about constantly growing.

When I began studying the leadership of David and Saul, I thought I’d be finding attributes or character about David that differentiated him from Saul. And that’s partly true: David is humble and after God’s heart. But really, the difference is the grace of God in his life. David also messes up several times, but God delivers him out of grace, and doesn’t remove His Spirit. All of David’s victories and successes are solely because of God’s grace.

It’s been the same for us. As much as this year has been about us being sanctified from our sin, we’ve also enjoyed seeing God work in ways that we had very little to do with.

We have a healthy, thriving team of 9 people (soon to be 13), fluent in Thai, partnerships with local networks, and we’re on track to start our first training groups next Fall. We have a clear strategy moving forward, and God is doing more than we could have hoped.

We’re meeting Thais who want to give their lives to reach their country. Several Thais we know have said, “I want to move to the South to reach Muslims,” one of the most unreached groups in Thailand. Or, I want to share the gospel with those who don’t know, please train me!

We’re seeing God work in ways that we’ve only read about. For several years, we’ve been praying that God would appear to Thai Muslims in dreams and visions. Just a few months ago, Jenn and a teammate were invited to southern Thailand to a Muslim wedding.

At the wedding, Jenn and our teammate are sitting at a table when a lady named Feyda approaches them and just starts chatting up a storm. They talk about hijabs and Thai language and weddings and such. As they start to broach the topic of Islam, Jenn asks – “Have you ever had a dream from God?”

Feyda lights up and says, “Yes, I’ve had 2. In one of them, I’m at a big worship festival, and everyone is dressed in white and worshipping. In the second one, there is a huge snake on top of my chest, oppressing me; I can’t breathe. Then, a shining man in white with a beard comes and takes it away.”

Jenn and our teammate asked, “how does that make you feel?” She motions up and down her arms, like goosebumps. It’s the first story we’ve heard about a dream of Jesus among Thai Muslims, and we know without a doubt that God is at work. We are praying that God would reveal himself through dreams and visions to more and more Muslims.

Even though this year has been messing up and making mistakes, this conviction and vision we have for reaching the lost in Thailand is now ingrained in us deeper than ever. We know God is working. We know all the people groups in Thailand will be around the throne. We continue to be weak people used by God.

I want to end with the Amy Carmichael poem that I talked about at the beginning. This is my prayer for all of you current and future leaders – that God would be our sufficient grace in the midst of our weakness. That you would be leaders that inquire of the Lord and obey, be humble in service, and be repentant when challenges arise.

From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher
From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.

From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified)
From all that dims Thy Calvary
O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire;
Let me not sink to be a clod;
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God