And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

As a team leader, I had eyes on everyone’s problems – from our sending organization, to teammates, to our national partners – and I felt compelled to fix them. I would spend many sleepless nights trying to come up with solutions and many hours crafting the “perfect message” that would move everyone forward. I wanted to come off as decisive and expert, without offending or feeding into existing issues. I hoped the person would read it, and decide to gladly receive my feedback and their problems would disappear! 

I now realize that so many of those hours were wasted. What most people needed was not the perfect message, but simply a word of encouragement that communicated that they were valued, seen, and making an impact. In fact, it was often the encouragement that allowed those we led to become more responsive to our feedback and hel!

 Proverbs 16 says that “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” For our words to be equated with actual healing is an incredible power! Yet I have seen leaders struggle to find the right words, to have the boldness to speak words of affirmation, or even downplay encouragement as being too soft and unproductive.

Why Encourage?

Encouragement is not simply the ability to say “good job”. The Bible is filled with words of encouragement meant to inspire hope, courage, steadfastness, and obedience. Jesus consistently encouraged his disciples with promises of his love, his presence, and his provision.

Paul commands the churches to not neglect encouraging one another in order to spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Paul understood that pioneering work, which involves suffering and perseverance, can become wearisome. But a timely word spoken from a friend or a leader has the ability to literally inspire courage and hope that allows someone to keep going! 

It makes sense that Paul puts this level of emphasis on the ability to encourage considering that he was discipled and empowered by Barnabas, a man who was called “son of encouragement.” I wonder what Barnabas said to Paul that was able to temper the zealot who killed Christians into the Apostle who led so many to faith and who wrote so many of the rich promises of scripture. How did Barnabas address the shame Paul felt at the sins of his old life? What did Barnabas say to the apostles who feared Paul as he vouched for him? What words did Barnabas use to spur Paul onward into his calling and mission to the gentiles? 

As we try to “be Barnabas” and partner with national apostolic visionaries in our own contexts, it is absolutely necessary that we learn how to become sons and daughters of encouragement ourselves! 

Apart from being a biblical command to obey, we also have seen how encouragement increases the effectiveness of those we lead. Pioneering movements is hard work with high highs and low lows, and hopefulness for the work tends to leak over time. What our teammates often need in those times is not a better strategy or feedback, but an intentional and specific word to motivate their hearts toward hope again. Even better, a proactive and consistent infusion of encouragement often serves as a preventative for burnout and its ensuing consequences.

Guidelines for Encouraging Others

One of the main obstacles that keeps leaders from encouraging their people is that sometimes we just have no idea what to say or even how to say it! Below, I’ve detailed out some guidelines for how to encourage others for real. 

Pray and Listen for Your People

Oftentimes, our encouragement can feel canned or disingenuous because we haven’t taken the time to be thoughtful or prayerful beforehand. We can easily throw out some words without meaning them. Make it a habit before you meet up with someone to take a couple minutes to pray for them. Ask God, “what do you want me to say to this person?” Inquire of God how he sees them and whether there are specific promises or words that would bolster their souls. Thankfully, we have the whole of scripture to draw from for words of encouragement. And whatever you hear from God, make it a point to tell that person! 

For encouragement to be received as authentic, it’s important that you actually feel and believe the words you are speaking. But by saying the words that come from your times with the Lord, or from the Bible, you can speak these things with genuineness because you are just reflecting His heart.

It’s incredibly uplifting for someone to know that they have a leader who regularly prays for them and listens on their behalf. 

Often, in Time, and Specific to the Situation

Multiple studies show that negative experiences and difficult conversations tend to stay in someone’s memory far longer than an encouraging word. We are quick to forget the good things as we fixate on the bad, which means that the impact of our encouragement can fade quickly. 

While some people are naturally effusive with compliments, others need to set goals to say something encouraging consistently. If you see or notice something that someone has done well, then try to give that positive feedback in time! Even if it feels awkward, it’s better to say something than to miss an opportunity to lift up your people. Don’t wait for a regularly planned one-on-one to give those words.

Most importantly, make sure your encouragement is specific to the situation. It is nice to hear a “good job” from a leader. But it is better to hear them call out your actual contribution, noting the impact of your effort and the effort you put in. Or consider who they are as a person – share with them what you observe about how God has wired them uniquely and what you might admire about them. This makes an affirmation feel like an intentional choice, instead of just a checked box.

When you are proactive, specific, and in time with encouragement, those you lead and partner with feel seen and appreciated. This builds a culture of safety and allows your people to follow your example by continuing to affirm others around them too.

Specific to Who They Are 

I am a terrible gift giver. After years of watching Steven (reluctantly) return the gifts I gave him, he finally gave me this piece of feedback. “Jenn, you give people gifts that are things you would like to receive. But you need to think about that person – who they are and what they like – and buy what they would want!” It feels so simple, but we all have a tendency to cut out the step of putting ourselves in the shoes of others. But what ends up happening is that you end up giving something that someone doesn’t want or need. 

Consider the person who you want to encourage. What types of things, words, or activities tend to lift their spirits? What obstacles are they currently facing? What are lies that they tend to believe? What are the promises of scripture that address these lies or obstacles? 

Taking the time to consider their situation and current obstacles allows your words to cut to the heart and to be truly received. 

Back Up Your Words With Your Actions  

When we consider the encouragement of Barnabas to Paul, we don’t see the specific words he used. But what we do see is his actions. Over the course of years, Barnabas goes out of his way to seek out and find Paul, puts his own credibility on the line by vouching for him to the apostles, disciples Paul in his faith, journeys with Paul, and eventually fades into the background and allows Paul to take “center stage.” 

Without action to back up our encouragement, our words are empty. Take actions that would uplift your people – some examples might be creating space in meetings for them to speak, bringing them to high level meetings, giving them uninterrupted time with you, or supplying resources that would help them in their development.

A handy tool is to consider the person you’re encouraging through the lens of love languages. Some people are truly encouraged by words, but others might prefer time spent together doing something fun or just a big hug. For example, I’m someone who truly values words of affirmation. Steven soon noticed I would thank him for a gift but display full enthusiasm for the card that came with it. And so he adjusted accordingly.

How to Encourage: Meaning Making

We are constantly interpreting the events in our lives and assigning meaning to what happens to us. Much of this happens subconsciously. We experience an event, make an interpretation about what it means, and then respond based on that interpretation. But sometimes the meaning we assign to a situation is shaped by our fears, insecurities, or limited perspective. As leaders, we can help our teammates slow down and examine the story they are telling themselves, then create space for them to consider a different perspective.

One way to do this is by asking a few simple questions:

Go and Do It!

Early in our ministry, we had split our team into two subteams. Each subteam had its own leaders and strategy – our hope was that in diversifying our approaches, we could better figure out what was the most effective strategy for reaching Thais. Very quickly, one of the subteams saw “success”, new believers and baptisms, traction. The other subteam struggled – their approach was questioned by their national partners and visible fruit was slow to emerge. The leader of this second team was discouraged, blamed herself for lacking giftedness, and felt like a failure before God. 

One day, I felt the Spirit prompting me to encourage her with Isaiah 30. To that point, I had never studied that passage. The Holy Spirit highlighted a unique promise I had never noticed.

In repentance and rest is your salvation,
    in quietness and trust is your strength,
    but you would have none of it.

…Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

Isaiah 30:15, 20-21

I asked this leader to read the passage with me with a focus on verse 20. Adversity and affliction are described as bread and water, vital things a person needs to survive! Perhaps the failure she was experiencing was actually the “food” she needed in order to hear God’s voice clearly, as promised in v. 21. As this leader heard those words she began to reframe her “failure” as sustenance that he was using for her good. 

A decade later, this leader remains on the mission field as a team leader. She has seen God bear much fruit through her disciples and continues to carry the vision for multiplying movements in Thailand. And she still points to that conversation as one of many turning points that kept her going.

We often have no idea how much weight our words carry in someone else’s life. We may think we are simply offering a few words that fall on deaf ears. But God may use those words to give someone courage to keep going, to see their circumstances differently, or to remember that He is with them.

So when the Spirit prompts you to encourage someone, don’t wait for the perfect words or the perfect moment. Go and do it! Your encouragement may be more timely—and more significant—than you realize.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11