Jenn and I (Steven) fought nearly every day for our first year on the field.

At the end of our first term of 2.5 years, we did a debrief and noted that second only to learning union with Christ, both of us said our marriage, and our co-leadership of the ministry and team together, was the thing we were most grateful for. It was nothing short of a miracle that the Lord did to bring us to that point from how fragile, disunified, and hostile we were to each other.

To us, men and women leading together is a critical element in seeing missions teams and ministries thrive and be effective. We’ve seen many husband and wife units that were not on the same page strain in their marriage and leave the field. We’ve seen solo male team leaders struggle to lead without the gifts that women leaders bring. We’ve seen many gifted, passionate women goers be underused and underappreciated on teams where male leaders did not know how to empower them, who have eventually left the field. Many of those situations would have greatly benefitted from a woman leader’s voice along with a male leader to bring guidance and resolution.

As Jenn contends in her post on Women in Leadership, the Great Commission needs women leaders, and missions teams and ministries are not realizing their potential when they fail to empower women to operate in their gifts and leadership.

This is not to say that missions teams with male team leaders will necessarily fail to be healthy or effective. Good leaders will learn how to shepherd, direct, and develop their teammates regardless of gender. We’ll write a future post about tips for men leading women. However, we’ve found it most effective when there is a level of men and women leading together for multiple reasons.

This post will generally be about men and women leading together on missions teams, whether as a married couple or as non-married co-leaders. We’ll have some guidelines specifically about husbands and wives leading together in the future.

Our Story

Jenn gives a pretty thorough version of her experience of discovering her leadership identity in the midst of navigating life overseas and being in our first year of marriage in her Women in Leadership post.

We were 6 months married when we launched to the field – not recommended. From my (Steven) side, the feeling I most experienced during that first year was overwhelmed. I had heard from experienced goers how difficult the field could be on a marriage, and wanted desperately to establish healthy foundations between me and Jenn.

But at the same time, I was completely in over my head with our transition to the field, leading a team, and starting a new ministry. On top of the ‘normal’ field transitions like learning language and dealing with culture stress, I had innumerable team leader responsibilities piled on as well, including finding visas, opening ministry opportunities, detailing crisis plans, and approving 9 units’ ministry expenses.

The stress and burden of all of that hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I had always expected and desired Jenn to be a ministry partner with me, but I didn’t know what it could look like, didn’t know how to communicate that, and didn’t know what types of barriers and insecurities she was dealing with. It took us about a year of getting through culture-stress and learning to communicate as a newly married couple before we began understanding each other. 

Since we are both incredibly stubborn, we were missing the truth that God had given each of us exactly the thing we needed in each other. I needed someone to help carry the vision and responsibility of the team. And Jenn wanted to be empowered to use her giftings according to her calling. Jenn met the women on our team 1-on-1 and was in charge of their development and shepherding. I looked for more opportunities to invite her into areas of leadership according to her gifting and clear the way for her as a leader within our sending organization and our church.

10 years later, we couldn’t imagine working in a different way. We debrief nearly every ministry thing together, even if it’s something that we’re doing completely independently. We include each other in every ministry partnership, and we elevate and complement each other’s strengths. And perhaps from the example that we’ve set, it’s standard for men and women on the teams we’ve raised up to partner and lead together in ministry.

Along the way, as we’ve figured out what works for us and coached other ministry and team leaders, we think that men and women leading together leads to the healthiest and most effective outcomes.

Theological Considerations

Before we jump into reasons why we think men and women leading and working together is important, we want to quickly address the theological considerations around this topic. We aren’t trying to convince anybody towards or against a theological stance on women in leadership.

What we do want to encourage you to do is to study the Word about what it says regarding women in leadership, women in ministry, and men and women working together. From that, form a position that can be communicated clearly to your team. Jenn gives her view in her post on women in leadership, so I won’t state that here. But I will reiterate that once you have established your biblical view on women in ministry, explicitly empower women towards everything that they CAN do. Even though it may not be vocalized by the women on your team, it’s likely that some are wondering about where they can fit in, and being clear and empowering will be appreciated. Encourage discussion with your whole team about where men and women can collaborate and team together.

We find the Coworkers Bible Study and Developing Female Leaders by Kadi Cole as helpful supplementary resources.

Why Is This Important?

Ultimately, why is this topic of men and women leading together important? The bottom line for us is that missions teams that fail to empower both the women and men on their team towards their most effective role in ministry and leadership are missing out. They are missing out on seeing the fullness of the body of Christ at work. They are missing out on ministry opportunities that are available when both men and women are fully empowered.

Here are some of the key reasons why men and women leading together on missions teams is extremely valuable. The first three points are from Steven and the last two are from Jenn.

Increased Access in Ministry Opportunities

Over 50% of unreached people are women. Whether through direct disciple-making ministry or in partnering with local believers towards movement, having women in ministry leadership together with men will multiply your team’s ministry opportunities.

One of the major steps in pursuing movement is finding a National Apostolic Visionary to partner with towards multiplication. In many locations in the 1040 window, societies tend to be patriarchal, with men commonly in leadership positions. It’s good and strategic for movement practitioners to try to partner with local male Christian leaders. But because these local leaders are already very busy, there can be barriers with their availability. And given that there are usually few fruitful believers to work with, other expat workers may desire to partner with them as well.

However, there can be abundant opportunities found in partnering with local women believers who may be more available and perhaps even emerging leaders that are underdeveloped and open to pursuing different methodologies. Naturally, these local women believers will feel more comfortable interacting in ministry with outsider trainers and coaches who are also women.

We’ve learned from other movement practitioners that women oftentimes are the earliest adopters of movement approaches and can be quicker to enter into pioneering spaces and endure persecution. These local women are then naturally able to access non-believing women who can be in highly inaccessible or even oppressive situations in patriarchal cultures. If we are failing to empower and create opportunities for the women on our teams to enter into ministry, we are potentially cutting in half the pool of laborers and leaders that could be equipped to engage the harvest.

This is anecdotal to our teams in Thailand, but of the different partnerships with Thai networks that we have, the most fruitful ones are with Thai women leaders. And to no one’s surprise, it is the women on our team that run point with those leaders – planning strategy, training believers, coaching leaders, and walking side-by-side with them. If we didn’t have women leaders on our teams, just as empowered and committed to the vision as the male team members, we would be greatly missing out on seeing more people hear and receive the gospel in Thailand.

In contrast, one male leader that I coach in the Middle East acutely felt the cultural gender barriers that exist in his country. Although there were local women that voiced their interest in knowing more about Jesus, it would be culturally inappropriate for him to invite them to a male or even mixed-gender Bible study, and there were no known women Bible studies in his city that he could invite them to.

When there are both men and women leading together and empowering the team, teams can appropriately seize the opportunities to interact with both men and women in ministry settings.

Plurality of Leadership and Improved Decision-Making

We’ve mentioned before that the multiple roles of the team leader can feel impossible – shepherd, manager, administrator, strategy coordinator, developer to name a few. In our experience, having multiple leaders share the burden can be a huge benefit to your team and ministry.

It’s generally understood that single women greatly outnumber single men on the missions field, with some ratios cited as high as 7-to-1. It’s extremely likely that you have more women than men on your team. However you structure it, having at least one woman leader will maximize the benefits of leadership plurality. Women leaders will better represent the perspectives and needs of the women on your team and in your ministry, helping the leaders make better decisions.

Increased Collaboration and Empowerment

Our initial team had 6 men and 7 women. I grew up with most of the guys on our team. I knew their strengths and weaknesses and knew what roles would maximize their giftings. I didn’t know the women as well and healthy boundaries kept me from knowing them as well as the male teammates. After Jenn began investing in the women teammates and getting to know them, it was much easier to empower them to their best roles and set them up for strong collaboration with the men on our team. Having Jenn step into a role of leadership catalyzed greater empowerment of the women on our team and fostered stronger collaboration between the male and female teammates.

Just by seeing me and Jenn model leading and working together, our teammates felt permission to do the same. The women teammates saw Jenn in leadership and were more willing to step into leadership and ministry opportunities they might have assumed were for men. Our teamwork increased as everyone was more fully enabled to operate in their best roles.

A critical responsibility of a team leader is to empower their people to operate to the fullest extent of their giftings and strengths. When we can do this for both men and women, a team is able to harness and operate in the gifts of the full body of Christ. When leadership is able to model both men and women working and leading together, this creates a culture that releases team members to take risks, practice their giftings, and to learn from and help each other as well.

Shepherding Without Crossing Boundaries

The intensity of cross-cultural living and ministry can stress those we lead to the point where deep sin tendencies begin to emerge. In these situations, people naturally become discouraged, lose vision, or can even fall into moral failure. Before they reach this point, leaders need to step and help them identify and address sins they are struggling with, and to find freedom and healing. 

Everyone may have different thresholds and boundaries when it comes to cross-gender leadership, but generally we would consider it inappropriate for leaders to cross genders in addressing deep sin issues, or even some relational or marriage issues. Additionally, the pitfalls when it comes to cross-cultural, cross-gender shepherding are even more risky. We have heard many stories of male missionaries who have talked directly to a wife in a local family and ruined the relationship with that family for bypassing the husband, or vice versa with female goers. So regardless of what tradition you come from, it’s important that you know your personal, team, and host culture’s boundaries and communicate them clearly so no one is left in an awkward or potentially dangerous situation! 

In our first few years on the field, the women on our team wrestled with suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, depression, marriage issues, and frustration with role, just to name a few. Each of these issues are extremely personal and requires careful handling. Unfortunately, no matter how well intentioned Steven was, there were certain boundaries that he couldn’t cross when it came to shepherding. But simply by being a woman, I was able to more naturally empathize with the woman on the team. To them, I felt safe, which allowed me to foster trust in order to ask the hard questions and be received as a source of help. However, while I was often “in the trenches” with the women, Steven’s strengths and gifts were also needed. He coordinated with professionals to create shepherding / health plans, building a framework for accountability and holistic healing. He advocated for them to our org and created spaces where they felt permission to work on their own health without shame. Steven and I were able to work together in ways that felt appropriate for the people on our team, and by God’s grace, many of these women have found freedom and continue to persevere in the work!

Generally, women leaders are able to build deeper relationships with national women and with women on their teams, and speak into heart issues that a man might not be able to as easily. Being able to shepherd a team deeply is critical to keeping people persevering in the work as they find freedom from “everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles” (Hebrews 12:1).

Emotional Intelligence and Rapport

Both men and women image Christ in different ways, which often expresses itself in different ways in leadership. Corporate research also understands this dynamic. Multiple Harvard Business Review studies have concluded that women leaders generally excel in collaborative spaces, rapport-building, emotional intelligence, and empathetic thinking for others. Women are also often turned to in times of crises, trusted to exhibit more self-control and navigate difficult relational dynamics. But in some ministry leadership rooms, women can be more excluded and under-leveraged.

At its core, ministry centers around people. We team with people, we work with national partners, we try to love and serve people in a way that allows them to receive the gospel. In all these things, emotional intelligence, empathy, and collaboration are a strength that women tend to bring to the table. How many opportunities are we losing when we don’t harness the strengths of women leaders? How much more unified could our teams be? There is so much to gain through harnessing the unique contributions of women leaders.

Worth the Cost

From Adam and Eve to Priscilla and Aquila to Paul and his coworkers of men and women, we see in the Bible that there is a precedent of men and women leading and ministering together. In seeking this type of leadership dynamic, challenges will emerge. It might feel slow at first as you figure out new structures, new ways of communication, new ways of teaming.

But it’s worth the cost.

Men and women leading together allows for teams to realize the full potential of the body of Christ in order to access anyone who God has prepared to hear the gospel or be trained to make disciples.

Discussion Questions

Here are some questions you can use to discuss and pray through how you might be able to empower the men and women on your teams toward greater co-leadership and collaboration with one another.

• What feelings arise when you think about men and women leading together? What excites you, and what tensions do you notice? Why?
• Looking at your current leadership context, are both men and women represented in leadership roles and decision-making spaces?
• What roles do men and women play on your team? How does cross-gender collaboration and teamwork currently function?
• How might empowering both men and women leaders expand your access to the people you are ministering to?
• Are team members and national partners positioned to thrive in their callings, strengths, and gifts? Why or why not?
• Is there someone you sense the Spirit is inviting you to intentionally elevate and develop as a leader?
• What specific changes could you make to strengthen collaboration and teamwork between men and women leaders on your team?

…every time there has been a spiritual awakening, women are often called up into ministry and spiritual leadership. It’s one of the signs of a revival that isn’t talked about very often.

Dr. Jo Anne Lyon, 181

In Developing Female Leaders, church consultant Kadi Cole addresses how churches and leaders can better develop, empower, and elevate women leaders, with strategies on how to navigate common “minefields” and barriers that women leaders experience.

Cole draws from research from more than 30 executive and high-level female ministry leaders from a variety of settings, survey results from over 1,000 female leaders around the world, and interviews from male church leaders who are actively engaging in this issue. Each chapter outlines a “best practice” for church leaders to follow and ends with discussion questions to work through with a leadership team.

We have found this book incredibly relevant and practical. Kadi Cole’s best practices challenge many common assumptions held about women in ministry leadership, and reveal how those assumptions might actually be holding leaders back! But when women leaders are intentionally developed in a supportive environment, all that stunted potential can be unleashed for the expansion of the kingdom of God!

…there’s always room for one more at God’s table…there will always be more than enough people to love, more than enough people to serve, more than enough people with whom we can share the gospel, and more than enough people who need great leadership. In God’s kingdom, there is more than enough for all of us.

Kadi Cole, 178

In the last two posts, we’ve talked about internal barriers for women in leadership. In my experience, it is more important to deal with the internal barriers, as they are issues that we can directly work on individually. Additionally, trying to deal with external barriers before our own hearts is unproductive.

However, as I have rubbed shoulders with other women on the field and other women ministry leaders, we tend to have shared experiences over a list of external barriers and obstacles that are particular to women in ministry. In this post, I want to detail some of the most common external barriers that I have encountered and researched, and ways to address these obstacles. While this list is not exhaustive, I hope it’s a good starting point to examine your own leadership situation, and to consider ways you can continue moving forward.

A Rude Awakening

My first month in full time ministry, Steven was invited to participate in meetings with other leaders in our organization. While these leaders met to discuss long term strategy and objectives, the wives didn’t participate but sat together on the back porch.

One of the wives, who had the longest ministry tenure and field experience, decided to gather us for a discussion to get to know one another. Her opening question – “how are we submitting to our husbands?”

Coming from working in tech and an immigrant family that placed high value on career success, this question, and the following answers, were pretty shocking.

“I love that my husband makes my schedule every day.”

“My husband is the leader, and I just enjoy discipling girls who I meet.” 

“I used to be more involved, but now I am at home raising our kids.” 

At the time, I was newly married, new to ministry, and uncertain and insecure about my role. But I was passionate about Thailand and desired to lead a team there with my husband. While I wanted to learn from these womens’ experiences, these answers did not sound like what I was looking for. So I asked a clarifying question. “I’m obviously very new to this, but what does it look like to lead out in your vision with your husband in missions?” 

The answer came from the woman who started the discussion. “We are not the leaders. We should try to submit to our husbands and do everything we can to support their vision. When we were overseas, there was a couple on our team where the wife flourished in the ministry work and her husband had a harder time. So she stopped doing her own ministry to dedicate all her time to helping him.” 

I respect all of these women. They are faithful and servant-hearted. But this answer shut me down. It felt like my deepest fears, questions, and insecurities about being a woman in ministry leadership were being confirmed. Women couldn’t be leaders here or have ministries independent of their husbands. Our only role was to support our husbands and to tend a home. I couldn’t see a pathway forward for me.

External Barriers

When I talk about external barriers, I am looking at the surrounding contexts, structures, and environments that might limit a woman from entering into or growing in leadership. This post will only cover a few of the most common barriers for women: the biases concerning women in ministry, lack of resources for development, and lack of access to leadership spaces.

While the primary audience for this article is intended for women in ministry leadership roles and those who aspire towards leadership, I want to affirm that if you are a woman who feels called to primarily supportive roles on a team or to a role of supporting your husband’s ministry and focusing on the family at home full-time, that is an amazing and beautiful thing! I truly believe that each of us should be obedient to whatever role God has called us to, and to be secure and joyful in it! My hope in writing this post is to help women who desire to obey a calling towards ministry leadership, but experience difficulties through various barriers.

Biases Around Women in Ministry

There are numerous biases concerning women in the workplace, in ministry, or in leadership. Two biases that particularly impact ministry contexts are that women are expected to be gentle helpers. And secondly, mothers are expected to primarily take care of the home and operate as supports for their husband’s ministry.

Fitting the Supportive Role

In many ministry contexts, women are generally expected to carry out supportive roles. Ministry roles for missionary women that are generally deemed acceptable include things like caretaking, relationship building, hospitality, raising children, or administrative work. In meetings, if I am the only woman in the room, it is often assumed I will take notes.

However, for women who are suited to lead outside these spheres, these stereotypes act as unseen barriers. Decades of research on these topics have concluded that Western societies judge men and women on different criteria. A 2014 study from Stanford University found that women were given “substantially more critical feedback than men in performance reviews”, a significant amount of that being “negative personality criticism” (Take Back Your Power, 13). Women who expressed their leadership were often described as aggressive or bossy, while men were lauded as assertive or confident. 

This means that women in ministry often have to balance a tightrope of appealing to biases so as to not offend, all the while finding ways to still exercise their leadership without smothering their own giftings or voice. An analysis of executive women leaders in missions organizations found that women leaders “…focused on the relational aspects of leading”, which are behaviors that are generally more acceptable for women, while “…[direct leadership] behaviors are used with care and may also be perceived as high risk [for the woman leader] (Playing by the Rules, 140).” I have been in many conversations where capable women have been passed over for greater responsibility due to a perception that they would be too angry or dominating because of the stereotype that women should be gentle helpers.

Mothers Should Stay Home

Another common bias that impacts women in ministry is a general confusion around the role of mothers. If women generally should take supportive roles, then a mother even more so is expected to primarily focus on her family and in supporting her husband’s ministry work. One study revealed that job applicants who mentioned they were mothers on their resumes were viewed as “less competent than child-free women or men”, or seen as less serious about their jobs (Take Back Your Power, 18). These biases are sometimes more blatant in ministry contexts as well depending on theological or cultural context. It seems silly, but for years I struggled with a fear that if we had a child, I would be “forced” out of ministry because a good missionary wife should primarily dedicate herself to ministry at home.

When our organization first wrote their maternity policy, they mirrored other similar evangelical organizations that offered a 10-day maternity leave and no paternity leave. This is a senseless amount of time to expect a woman to recover from labor, childbirth, and to adjust to motherhood. Although the heart behind this choice was to allow new mothers freedom to roll off of staff to focus on their children, it also revealed an unspoken expectation that mothers would not want to stay on staff and that they would be able to easily leave prior ministry commitments. However, for mothers who wanted to stay in the ministry and did not feel called to be at home full-time, returning to work in 10 days felt like an impossible task and many ended up leaving staff as a result. Though adjustment and transition are needed, having a child should not disqualify a mother from being a leader or serving in ministry.

How to Respond to Biases Around Women in Ministry

When considering leadership, it is important to be aware that these stereotypes exist and to respond to them in a humble and God honoring way. Sometimes we can be surprised when we realize we believe them ourselves! 

When you run into policies or people with biases about women in ministry or leadership, don’t jump to assumptions about a person’s intentions! Instead, ask questions and deliver helpful direct feedback. In my experience, people rarely have malicious intent, and usually there is a lack of understanding that can be brought to light and corrected. A helpful question could be something like, “can you help me understand how you reached that decision?” or “can you explain the history of that policy to me?” 

After gaining clarity, provide clear feedback. A good phrase to use is “I see where you’re coming from, but this is how I experience you / this policy / this situation.” While these conversations can feel risky to initiate, the goal should always be for mutual benefit – for you to express yourself authentically and for others to grow in understanding, and together to find solutions as co-laborers and not enemies. Try to prevent bringing frustration and anger into these conversations as, ironically, negative emotions can feed into an “angry woman” stereotype and end up stifling your influence. When humbly offered, I have found that most people have generally responded positively to feedback I have given.

If, despite your best efforts, things don’t change or people continue to not see their biases, don’t try to force your issue and get bogged down in these types of conversations. It is not our job to make everyone see our point of view. In these cases, pray and consider – what are creative solutions that can address the biases that are working against you?  Is there someone who can advocate for you? Is there an environment you need to leave? Is there forgiveness that you need to extend?

Lack of Resources for Development

In my own story, one of my biggest barriers to growing as a leader was that I had never seen it done before! In a study of 1,000 evangelical nonprofits, women represented only 16% of leaders at any level. When we don’t have a model to follow, it becomes that much harder to envision what stepping into leadership could look like. 

For years, I tried to be a leader based off of the example set by my male leaders. While there were many things I have learned from male mentors, they were still unable to fully help me navigate the uniqueness of being a female leader. And many of their methods of leadership didn’t work for me when I tried to put them into practice. Role stereotypes exist for men in leadership as well, and the type of male leader that is celebrated is usually someone strategic, direct, and who speaks well in front of a room. As someone who is not naturally wired this way, I despaired of ever becoming a “good leader” until I learned how to lead out in a way that was more instinctive and natural to who I am.

Along with lack of access to leadership examples and mentors, women leaders often have less opportunities for development. Like often attracts like, meaning that we are more drawn to people who are like us. In a missions leadership context, this means that male leaders will generally be more open to mentoring and coaching other men, or inviting men into more ministry or development opportunities. One of my male mentors’ main method of developing other leaders was to invite them to be “side by side”. He would bring someone he was trying to develop into all his meetings and ministry activities, have meals together, and debrief his thought process with them. This is an excellent way to bring someone up, but it is much easier for a male leader in ministry to invite a man into this type of mentorship than a woman. 

Biases about women’s roles, as previously mentioned, can also contribute to whether or not women will have access to resources and developmental opportunities. When we launched to the field, I was not given a supervisor since it was assumed my role would be to support Steven in his ministry. This meant that Steven received coaching, information, or opportunities for development from his supervisor that wouldn’t get to me other than as a trickle down from him. Too often, this can be a common situation with women in more conservative ministry organizations. Another prevalent situation is for single women to not receive adequate coaching from supervisors if a male supervisor has a conviction to not meet one on one with a woman.

How to Respond to Lack of Resources for Development

 If you find yourself in this situation of lacking models or developmental opportunities, my encouragement is to not let that stop you! Even if there aren’t others to help you develop actively or current models of women in leadership to follow, continue to pursue personal development by using tools like a personal development plan or a 360 evaluation to assess your strengths and weaknesses and find areas where you can grow. Read books (including the topical studies in the Bible!) and proactively ask for opportunities where you can serve, learn, and grow through experience. Sampling many types of ministry and service helps to clarify what kind of leader you might be.

At the same time, pray and ask God for a mentor and then seek one out. When Steven and I started leading, we were overwhelmed by all that we didn’t know how to do. How do we help teammates navigate conflict? How do we write a team MOU? What are the steps we should follow to see a church planting movement? Help! We wrote down a list of names of people who we respected and had expertise in the topics we needed help with, and asked them to speak into our lives and the situations we were dealing with. Over the years, this group has become a consistent source of mentorship and encouragement for us. In the same way, if you are looking for an example or someone to help you grow, seek out that person and ask them to help you! Though it can be scary to ask, most leaders are going to be honored that you have asked for their help and will be happy to lend their expertise.

Finally, as you seek out mentors, take time to network with other women leaders who are also running a similar race to you. Having a network of peers who can empathize with you addresses much of the loneliness many women leaders face from often being the only woman in the room.

For women reading this, who are 2-3 women you could ask to mentor you in your leadership journey? Who are 2-3 women who are in a similar leadership space as yours that you can connect with? Write those names down and begin to pray that they would say yes! 

Lack of Access to Leadership Spaces

Traditionally in our organization, after leaders came together for planning and meetings, they would spend time together at a bar with drinks. On top of building community, this informal time was used to debrief, share information, discuss new ministry assignments, and plan forward. In the business world, this time is called the “meeting after the meeting”, which is often where the real work gets done as people feel greater freedom to brainstorm and plan in a more informal setting. While I was privileged to sit around the table due to Steven’s advocacy in bringing me along, many women leaders in our organization found that the bar often felt inaccessible. In a Christian ministry, it felt vulnerable and uncomfortable for a woman to stay out late in a group of majority men with alcohol. The timing also made it basically impossible for mothers to join. The next morning, women leaders who missed the time at the bar would come into the meeting and find out that multiple decisions were made and responsibilities were given out without them ever hearing about it.

Oftentimes, growing in leadership in mission organizations and on ministry teams depends more on influence and who you know, rather than following an official pathway. A title doesn’t necessarily equate to leadership influence and authority. However, women are often underrepresented in the leadership rooms where they could receive coaching and development, build influence, express their desire to grow in leadership, or advocate for their perspectives. This can be incredibly frustrating for women who continually feel “passed over” as prospective leaders simply because they weren’t in the room. 

Additionally, though there are opportunities for skills development for overseas workers through seminars and trainings, I have observed that most participants and trainers are men. The reasoning is often that if someone needs to stay back, the wife is the default. Unfortunately, this results in exacerbating the previous issue of lack of examples. By not attending trainings, women seldom have an opportunity to see other women leading out in ministry, find like-minded mentors, or to meet with other women on the field with similar ministry responsibilities. 

How to Respond to Lack of Access to Leadership Spaces

For women leaders who are feeling overlooked, my first encouragement is to continue to serve humbly and with joy! We aren’t in ministry for a title or for man’s validation, but because God himself has called us into this work. If He has a leadership title or influence for us, then He will reveal the pathway forward. But to become angry, frustrated, or entitled will only sabotage ourselves more. Steven often encouraged me to, “assume I belong in the room.” If I assume that I belong and that my contribution and perspective matter already, then there is no need to fight for it.

That being said, there are some strategies that women can employ to receive greater access into leadership spaces. Firstly, express your desire to be a part of the leadership conversation! Most people are not badly intentioned or desire to deliberately block women from leadership spaces. However, they may not know you are interested, or that current systems do not lend themselves to being inviting towards women. In the situation with the drinks at the bar, my feedback to the main male leader was to have that time in one of the women leaders’ homes instead of the bar, and to explicitly invite women leaders.

While it may feel risky, continue to ask for clarity. What is required to enter this leadership room? How are decisions being made? Is there a place where I can contribute my input and voice? After expressing your desire and receiving clarity, if nothing is blocking you, show up and represent yourself well! Even if you are the only woman, it only takes one to be a barrier breaker. 

Deb Liu, CEO of ancestry.com, recommends including 4 elements in your ask: your desire, the why, the timing, and a specific invitation for how this person could help you now. For example, instead of just saying you want to be a team leader, say something along the lines of, “I have focused on training disciplemaking tools for the last few years and I would love a chance to grow and learn more about leading others to do the same things. In the coming year, could I shadow you as you lead the team, and also take on some smaller leadership assignments?”

Secondly, find an advocate or a sponsor. While a mentor is someone who can consult, encourage, and share wisdom over specific topics, an advocate is someone who can represent you and your viewpoint in leadership spaces and can vouch for your ideas to other leaders, clearing the way for you to enter the room. If you’re desiring to be a leader, a sponsor can open the path for you with decision makers in your organization. According to a study of business leaders by Sylvia Ann Hewlett, men are 46% more likely than women to have true sponsors. In my case, Steven was my greatest advocate. He saw me as a leader and reported truthfully on my contributions. He also deliberately brought me into his meetings and into leadership spaces so that other leaders might experience working with me, and so that I could grow in my own confidence.

Take the First Step!

As we consider the myriad of obstacles and issues that must be overcome in order for women to fully embrace their leadership, it can be so easy to feel discouraged. Is it even worth the effort? The painful conversations? The risk? 

Throughout my leadership journey, I have felt humiliated, exposed, hurt, and overwhelmed more times than I can count. If it was up to me, I would have given up hundreds of times, except that the Lord kept making clear to me in Scripture, community, circumstances, and prayer, that His calling on me was to serve as a leader! 

God is so faithful that He will not be satisfied with anything less than us becoming who He intends for us to be as leaders.

If you hear that call, even if it’s small right now, I want to encourage you to surrender to Him the barriers that hold you back and ask Jesus to help you take the first step. He will supply every need as you step into the good works He has for you!

Application and Reflection

1. Pray and ask God – Are you sensing that God is calling you to leadership? What internal or external barriers are keeping you from embracing that calling?
2. What is something you can do to address current barriers you may face today?  
3. Who are you going to share or encourage with what you learned today?

As we close out 2024, the Missions Leaders Blog has been around for about 18 months. We’ve been thankful for the opportunity to share lessons and encourage other leaders who are pursuing pioneering work among the unreached.

We have some exciting things in store for 2025, as we launch a new ministry focused on helping missions team and ministry leaders abide, lead effectively, and pursue multiplying ministry throughout the world.

But for now, here are some of the top posts from 2024 along with some of our favorites!

Most-Read Posts in 2024

1. Team Conflict
2. Women in Leadership
   • Other posts from Women in Leadership:
   • Internal Barriers (Part 1)
   • Internal Barriers (Part 2)
3. Spiritual Warfare Part 1 and Part 2
4. Be Barnabas – What is a NAV?
   • Other posts from the Be Barnabas series:
   • Be Barnabas: Intro & Mint’s Story
   • Why Be Barnabas?
   • Who Was Barnabas from the Bible?
   • How to Find a NAV
   • How to Partner with a NAV
   • Be Barnabas – Life Together
5. Lessons from Cancer: Suffering Leads to Surrender
   • Other posts from the Lessons from Cancer series:
   • Lessons from Cancer: Surrender the Self to the Point of Death
   • Lessons from Cancer: Receive Resurrection Life and Power

Team Conflict continuing to be a highly read post just highlights for us how prevalent and intense of a topic interpersonal conflicts on missions teams continues to be. Although this topic arguably has the most resources, team conflict can be an issue that can make or break teams. In the past 10 years, Jenn in particular has mediated several conflicts in and out of our team (including an 8 hour session this past year). Please reach out to contact@missionsleaders.com if you’re desiring specific coaching around conflict mediation!

Women in Leadership takes the second spot! Research shows that single women outnumber single men on the field up to a ratio of 7 to 1! And despite the great need for leaders among the unreached, there remains significant confusion and numerous internal and external barriers for women to enter into roles of missions leadership. Jenn will continue to break down these issues to encourage and empower women throughout the unreached to take up the role God has called them to!

Spiritual Warfare was one of our earliest posts, and one that people ask us about most frequently. The Enemy’s opposition is strongest against those pushing forward the Kingdom on the front lines. Goers, and especially leaders, need to be equipped and able to equip others to engage in spiritual warfare.

The role of Barnabas and lessons of suffering that lead to surrender and resurrection life are two of the topics that we felt were most important for us to share on this blog.

Our Favorite 2024 Posts

1. Reflections from 10 Years on the Field – Part 1 and Part 2
2. Be Barnabas – Life Together
3. How to Recruit Teammates Part 1 and Part 2

Reflections from 10 Years on the Field was the culmination of Steven’s processing during our first sabbatical this past summer. The sheer volume of intensity and weightiness from our time starting a new team and leading it to expand into three teams was surprising and churned up a lot of emotions to bring to the Lord. But ultimately, that reflection and processing led to gratitude and joy that God allowed us to be a part of so many significant moments, relationships, and Kingdom opportunities.

Be Barnabas – Life Together is one of our favorite posts, not only from the series, but overall. We were both in tears as we wrote this post, praising God for allowing us to have such close relationships with our Thai partners. There are many biblical and strategic reasons to take a Barnabas role as an outsider pursuing movements, but the relationships we get to invest in and that we receive blessing from are some of the things we most cherish from our time on the field.

How to Recruit Teammates is similarly another topic that many new team leaders ask us about. Ultimately, the Lord will bring the right people to your team. Although it can be a pain sometimes (a lot of times!) to enter into all the cultural transitions, interpersonal conflict, and personal development issues that come with leading new teammates, looking back at how the Lord has given us some of our closest friends and co-workers filled us with thankfulness that we had the privilege to lead others towards Jesus and his purposes.

That’s it for 2024! We’re eager and ready to post more resources and stories for missions leaders in 2025. To those reading, may Jesus draw so nearly to you through abiding that you experience oneness with him, and that oneness would lead to many others to know the hope that we have in him.

In the last post, I broke down some of the most common ways I have noticed women leaders in ministry tend to self-sabotage. In this post, I will continue with two more examples of internal barriers. If you are a female leader reading, ask the Holy Spirit to help identify areas that he would have you grow in, without shame or guilt. For male leaders, ask the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom for how to navigate these issues with women that you may lead or work with.

Not Leveraging Our Emotional Intelligence as Leaders 

For years, I felt like being soft-hearted was one of my greatest weaknesses in leadership. When people shared their hardships with me, I would cry openly. Steven teases me that I can’t hide my face – if I’m angry, frustrated, sorrowful, or amused, everyone will know it. I was ashamed of this trait until one day, a woman I was leading told me “I love that you are a strategic leader, but also an emotional one.” What I hadn’t realized was that my tears were actually key to building trust with her, and that my openness created space for her to feel like she could be authentic in how she felt too.

What it is: One of the greatest strengths many women leaders bring to the table is emotional EQ and empathy. Many female business leaders tend toward empathetic and collaborative leadership styles that involve deeper relationship building and personal connection. And while both men and women have emotions and express them, many professional and leadership contexts still hold to the tradition of “keeping emotions at the door”. Women who show emotion will more quickly be stereotyped as “hysterical” or more “irrational”, while men are usually given a pass. Ironically, women who are less prone to showing emotion can be stereotyped as “cold”. Consequently, women who are more connected with their emotions are often not trained to appreciate or leverage their emotions in their leadership for God’s glory, but instead may feel pressure to stuff down their emotions to avoid a stereotype.

Underlying beliefs: When we have weaker emotional control or understanding, we may believe that our emotions are simply too much. We may feel like we are out of control and weak, or that emotions sabotage our leadership. As a result, we fear portraying our authentic selves to others because we internalize that who we truly are is embarrassing, could never be accepted, and would end up only burdening others.

What Poorly Leveraged Emotions Look like:  

• Suppressing emotions – Western society has generally limited what emotions are appropriate for women to essentially always wearing a smile. But women experience a whole gamut of emotions, including negative ones! So we often associate emotions with weakness or disapproval, and will do everything in our power to not express them. This creates dissonance within ourselves and causes others to perceive us as unapproachable. In addition, the longer we bottle up our emotions, the more likely we are to overreact.
• Manipulation – Sometimes, our emotions can take over. We may lash out in anger, gaslight, or cry to manipulate and win sympathy from others. Women without control over their emotions may be seen as volatile and untrustworthy.

How to address poorly leveraged emotions: God created women in his image, and a unique thing about God is that he also experiences emotions! Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus (John 11:35), turned over tables in righteous anger (Matthew 21:12-13), and rejoiced in the Spirit (Luke 10:21). Our emotions help us to connect with God’s heart, and to reflect him to the world when we express our emotions out of the security, safety, and union that we experience in Christ. We don’t have to be ashamed of them. If you want to learn more about how to leverage emotions, we wrote an article on emotional thriving on the field.

When women leaders are unable to properly express their emotions or understand how to leverage emotions into their leadership, we lose a huge opportunity. Being vulnerable in our emotions allows us to display our authentic selves and to invite others to do the same. More often than not, properly leveraged emotion draws others towards us. The heart of ministry is always the people, and people are complex, messy, and emotional. Learning to be comfortable in our own feelings allows us to understand and be comfortable with others’ emotions too. This allows us to build empathy and collaboration into our leadership. 

Application:

• Learn to be curious about your emotions. At any given time when you experience strong feelings, pause to consider where those emotions are coming from. What are your emotions telling you about your values, motives, situation, needs, and your place in it? What are they telling you about the values, situation, motives, needs, etc. of those you lead? A helpful tool to use is the Emotions Wheel.
• Step away when feeling emotionally overwhelmed and surrender your feelings to Jesus to carry. An easy tell for when you are emotionally “flushed” can include behaviors like complaining about others, speaking poorly of others, feeling overtaken by a feeling, or dumping raw emotions and venting onto a listener. It may take at least 10 minutes to calm down when you feel “flushed.” Learn to ask for time to process. “I want to take some time on this one and I’ll get back to you.” In that time, pray and ask Jesus to carry your emotions for you, and to help you sort through them.
• Share your feelings, not just information or directions, while maintaining proper boundaries! If you are emotionally aware and comfortable in expressing your emotions, those you lead will likely feel more comfortable being authentic with you. Ask those you lead for feedback, if you are uncertain how they received it.

Perfectionism

One of our best leaders in Thailand was a self-proclaimed perfectionist when she first launched overseas. And for her whole life, perfectionism served her well. She was excellent at almost everything she attempted and was the one you always could depend on. But when she landed in Thailand, language learning nearly broke her. No matter how hard she tried, planned, practiced, she couldn’t ever hear the tones of the Thai language. In a matter of weeks, she went from the consistent excellence she was always used to, to bottom of the class, just struggling to keep up with her husband and teammates. She had never not attained what she worked for, but the ability to pick up language was completely out of her control. Everybody around her had a front row seat to her failures. What must they be thinking of her? Every day she went to class, she experienced more shame at what a failure she was. 

What is it: Perfectionism is the tendency to demand an extremely high or even flawless performance, in excess of what is required by the situation. Perfectionists maintain this high standard by controlling their own behavior, others, a narrative, or circumstances.

Perfectionism particularly impacts women because social messaging often portrays ideal women in confusing contrasts – beautiful but not tempting, nurturing others but never expressing personal needs, smart and assertive but not bossy, and always smiling – leaving women spinning as they try to be all things at once. 

Underlying Beliefs: Perfectionists learn that people value them for what they do instead of who they are and come to see their worth as contingent upon other people’s approval regarding their contribution. This leaves them dependent on external validation and highly vulnerable to criticism. To protect themselves, perfectionists adopt the false belief that being “perfect” or achieving “perfect work” is their best defense against criticism and is the way to secure the future they desire. Perfectionist thoughts sound like, “if I can get this right, I can attain what I need and God will come through for me (or love me). It’s up to me. I can’t make mistakes.”

What Perfectionism Looks Like: 

• Having a standard for yourself that is higher than the standard you would say is appropriate for others.
• Overwork and the inability to rest or delegate. Perfectionists will often take on the work of others (including work that really belongs to the Holy Spirit and not us!). Over time, working too hard leads to joylessness. 
• Deep shame in failures and mistakes creates an inability to learn from those failures, admit mistakes, or receive critical feedback. 
• Lacking grace for others when they make mistakes. Judging and competing with others. If other people perform better, they may become a competitor for the validation you seek. 
• Oftentimes, those who are led by perfectionists may feel anxious, controlled, and pressured to be similarly perfect.

How Jesus Addresses Perfectionism: Freedom from perfectionism is found in the truths of the gospel. Perfection is impossible for us apart from Christ, and no amount of effort, discipline, or control will ever attain it. That’s why Jesus achieved perfection for us (Hebrews 2:10)! And through his death and resurrection, the inheritance of Jesus is yours by grace, not works (Colossians 1:12, Ephesians 1:3). Therefore, there is no need for striving, anxiety, or fear. Your work, your vision, and your fruitfulness is ultimately God’s responsibility, and he will accomplish it through you if you will surrender your methods for his (1 Corinthians 3:5-7)!

We also can remember the examples of biblical leaders who “failed” or did not have a perfect reputation, like David, Rahab, Peter, the Samaritan woman, or the sinful woman. How did God respond to these people? Despite making major mistakes, God still chose, anointed, and used these people in powerful ways. In fact, many times it was their weakness that magnified and enhanced the perfection of God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). 

Application: For perfectionists, battling perfectionism can feel like a lost cause because a mistake can trigger intense shame and hopelessness. But keep learning to extend grace to yourself every step of the way, and trust that it is Jesus who will give you freedom!

• Acknowledge your limitations and take intentional time to meditate on and receive God’s love for you, and how much he desires to show up for you in your weakness. Figure out what triggers your feelings of perfectionism / control. In what situations do you most feel like God won’t come through? What are the worst case scenarios that constantly play in your mind? Who are the people you most need to impress? As you learn to better recognize your triggers in the moment, take a step back, surrender whatever it is you’re trying to control, and remind yourself of your identity in Christ. 
• Set reasonable goals that make sense for yourself and for others, and preemptively surrender the outcomes. Sometimes it helps to run your goals through others to make sure they aren’t unrealistic. Practice delegating responsibilities to others. And fight the urge to hover or dictate how other people complete these assignments. 
• Set strong personal boundaries to prevent overwork. Schedule in times to rest, connect with community, and to disconnect from work.
• Own mistakes gracefully and view them as an opportunity to learn. Practice self affirmations when receiving feedback – “I make mistakes and that’s okay. God can use my mistakes for His glory.”

In reading lists like this, it is easy to feel discouraged. I know that I have personally struggled with each of these internal barriers, and sometimes become overwhelmed at what it will take to keep growing in order to be the leader that God has purposed me to be. But my encouragement to you is that finding freedom from these obstacles is not your sole responsibility. In fact, your sanctification and growth is the responsibility of the Holy Spirit, and he has every resource and wisdom to do so. Philippians 1:6 is a great comfort to me: 

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 1:6

The leader I mentioned in the section on perfectionism experienced this promise. Here is the rest of her story:  

“The language learning season was the most painful, prolonged, and difficult season of my life to that point. I was the kind of person who never did anything that I wasn’t good at and only focused on the things that I was good at and that ‘worked’ for most of my life. I fell into a deep and dark depression, wrestled with suicidal thoughts, and became a shell of a person.

Even in the midst of that darkness, I knew the Lord was with me and was doing something in me. I know now that God was using that season to show me the ugliness and wickedness of my sin. Perfectionism which is rooted in pride is sin. Ironically, I prided myself on my perfectionism because it was how I achieved many things in my life. I finally saw perfectionism for what it was and realized it was not just an empty promise or a bad coping strategy but that it was destroying me.

The Lord lifted me out of the pit. Once I understood what perfectionism was and what it was costing me, I wanted it gone forever. I didn’t want to be ruled by it anymore. The Lord supplied the faith I needed in the moment to believe and trust that He could heal me forever of perfectionism, and He did. 

Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses.

Acts 13:38-39-38

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1

These verses were so precious to me in that season. The heart of Christ is to free his people from their sins. Christ has purchased our freedom and the FULLNESS of our freedom. It’s so much more rich and vast and beautiful than we could ever imagine. But sometimes we fail to take Jesus up on his promise and live out of these truths. This doesn’t mean that process will be easy and pain-free, but it’s so worth it. I would walk through that season again just to live out of the freedom I have been walking in.” 

This story happened ten years ago, and this leader would say confidently that God healed her of her perfectionism. She hasn’t struggled with it since. Not only that, in the past ten years she has gone on to disciple and develop women on our team and dozens of Thai women (speaking in Thai!), and take on leadership of her own team. Currently, their team and their Thai ministry partners are seeing weekly baptisms and churches planted in some of the least reached parts of Thailand!

God knew what he was doing when he called you into leadership. He knew who you were and still desires to not only work with you, but IN you! He wants to finish the good work he began in you at salvation by helping you find freedom from impostor syndrome, perfectionism, the need for approval, and uncontrolled emotions. Our job is to simply surrender these things to him in faith, trusting that the Holy Spirit will give you the power, guidance, and desire to overcome. 

Take a moment to pray with the Lord: 

• What would it look like if he freed you from all the obstacles in your heart that hinder your leadership? 
• What would you attempt for God? 
• What could he accomplish through you?

This content was co-written with my friend LB who previously served as a team leader in East Asia and is currently serving in member care.

In the previous post, I shared about my leadership journey and the unique internal tension I felt about being a woman leader in ministry and on the mission field. Though I felt called and affirmed by God to step into leadership on our team in Thailand, I also continually struggled with doubt, anxiety, fear, and anger. While it was easy for me to blame these feelings on outside circumstances or people, I eventually came to the difficult conclusion that many (if not the majority) of my tensions were self-generated.

When God calls someone into leadership, he is primarily concerned with that person’s character and heart. Who we are is just as important to God as what we do for him. A person could learn every leadership development framework or tool, but without a heart freed from lies and filled with the identity found in Christ, their leadership will never reach its fullest potential.

In this post, I will focus on the most common ways that women leaders (including myself!) sabotage ourselves in the secret places of our inner lives and hearts. Before we can even begin to address external barriers or specific contexts, we want to always start by looking inward. While this list could also apply to men, I have noticed women in particular tend to struggle with these areas. Research suggests that one reason for this comes from gender-role stereotypes, which means that our social understanding and expectations of what it means to be a leader coincides more with an expression of male leadership than female leadership. Because of this, women leaders find they often need to navigate through unspoken rules and expectations that society does not necessarily place on men. For example, male leaders who speak up are applauded as confident and assertive, but women who speak up can often be labeled as “bossy” or “pushy.” So we often end up adopting self-sabotaging mindsets and behaviors as a way to cope (Playing By the Rules, 12).

As you read through these examples, ask the Holy Spirit to highlight any you may struggle with and ask how He might help you find freedom.

Imposter Syndrome

A few years ago, Steven and I were invited to a meeting of other team leaders around the world to discuss strategic ways to onboard and train new missionaries. Those attending, mostly men, seated themselves at the multiple tables in a large conference room, but I hung back paralyzed about where I was supposed to sit. It felt like the middle school cafeteria all over again! 

All the women in the room, mostly stay at home moms who were not involved in their teams or in ministry, fit around one single table. Do I shrink over to the women’s table, simply there as “Steven’s wife?” Or do I join the tables with the other men and get to talk about ministry?

Would they acknowledge me as a leader?

I ended up shuffling over to the table of women and sitting with them. Because discussions were organized by table, I ended up not being able to participate in any of the discussions as my table was assumed to be non-participants. After the meetings, Steven asked me, “why didn’t you sit at the main tables? You have just as much experience and just as much to say as anyone else here.” I felt ashamed by this question, because what Steven said was true! I did have experience as a leader and had unique things to contribute. But instead of trusting that God had called me to be a leader and to bring my unique perspective, I chose to hide (literally!) and diminished my own voice.

What Is It: Imposter syndrome is a feeling of unworthiness tied to our self identity, particularly in leadership spaces. Kate Coleman describes imposter syndrome as “…profound feelings of self-doubt and pervasive feelings of being unqualified” (7 Deadly Sins of Women in Leadership, 7). In a 2020 KPMG study of 750 female executive leaders, 75% reported regularly experiencing imposter syndrome, mostly because they never expected they would ever attain such a position. In that same study, over half of the participants revealed a fear that they would never meet expectations. 

We can experience imposter syndrome for a variety of reasons, from societal messaging that presents men as ideal leaders, the roles we played in our families, or our own lack of self esteem, just to name a few. Deb Liu, CEO of Ancestry.com, elaborates on why women tend to experience imposter syndrome more – “this feeling is even more acute when you are ‘the only,’ someone who doesn’t look like everyone else. You feel singled out. You are not only being judged on your merits but also feel the weight of being different (Take Back Your Power, 63).” Many times, women leaders are the only women in the leadership room. It can be hard to feel like you belong when no one else looks like you.

What Impostor Syndrome Looks Like: The way we display impostor syndrome can take a multitude of forms. Here are some of the ways I have seen it play out for myself and other women leaders: 

• Inauthenticity or “shrinking to fit” – pretending to be the ideal person who actually belongs in the leadership role and becoming less of your authentic self. Changing yourself to match the archetype of who actually fits.
• Fear of taking risks or of volunteering for assignments that carry a risk of failure.
• Inability to take feedback well. Constructive feedback will feel like a confirmation of all your insecurities and positive feedback will feel like a lie.
• Inability to ask for help for fear of revealing that you don’t have everything together, and isolating to make sure no one finds you out. 

Underlying Beliefs: When we experience impostor syndrome, common messages we tell ourselves may sound like, “I’m not good / smart / talented / liked / experienced enough. I don’t belong in leadership because I don’t look or sound like other leaders. Everyone, including God, was wrong to think that I might have something to contribute because they don’t know who I really am. I have to hide who I really am from everyone else or else they all will be disappointed.” 

How Jesus Addresses Impostor Syndrome: We must battle the lies of impostor syndrome with the truth of who Jesus says we are. The Bible says that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8-9). Jesus fully knows who we are and he chose to love us, save us, and adopt us into his family. Not only that, he has given you a leadership assignment and good works that only you can do (Ephesians 2:10). He promises to finish the good work of sanctification that he started in us (Philippians 1:6). And in fact, you are not a fraud because the Bible says that you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:21) and a royal priest (1 Peter 2)! 

When we believe the lies of impostor syndrome, we reject the identity that Christ died to purchase for us. We defy God’s vision of who he wants us to be and replace it with a lesser identity based on our fears and insecurities. But you don’t need to change yourself into a certain kind of person to “belong in the room”, or shrink back from faithful risk-taking in your leadership. God knows who you are and desires for you to lead as you are.

Application: If you find yourself falling into impostor syndrome in your leadership, here are some things you can do.

• Memorize scripture about your identity. Remember your leadership call and find confidence in your identity from Jesus first. Remember that if Jesus was the one who called you to leadership, then you absolutely belong in the room because he was the one who placed you there. 
• Know and celebrate what you bring to the table, as well as what you don’t. This helps you to portray your authentic leadership, and also keeps us from drifting into pretending to be who we are not. Find mentors and peers who you trust to guide and speak truthfully to you about who you are and to help you not deviate towards pretending. 
• Learn to accept feedback and mistakes gracefully, without shame or over apologizing. All leaders have weaknesses, and we miss out on crucial development when we are terrified of constructive feedback.

Desiring the Approval of Man over God

Early on in our team, I led a girl who was very talented in the ministry work but struggled with anger. We were good friends and I knew where these struggles had come from and that she wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt people with her sharp comments. However, though it was my job to manage and develop her, I found myself often pulling my punches. I withheld feedback and made excuses for her behavior (despite often being on the receiving end of her frustration) because I feared hurting her feelings, making her dislike me, or of having to deal with the fallout that might come my way if I did share what I truly thought. I prioritized winning her approval – or avoiding her disapproval – over being faithful to do or say what I knew the Lord was asking me to do in order to lead her well.

What is it: Desiring man’s approval is the act of placing others before God in your life. This includes being afraid of someone, holding someone in too high esteem, being controlled or mastered by people, putting excessive trust in people, or needing people to fill needs that God should fulfill.

What Needing Man’s Approval Over God Looks Like: 

• Needing constant validation from people – our leaders, those we lead, peers, family, anyone! When it’s not received, we can shut down in despair, or try to hunt for it in the form of attention seeking. It might look like fixating on trying to guess what other people are thinking of you.
• Needing man’s approval leads to people pleasing behavior. When we people please, we change ourselves to match other peoples’ expectations, thus affecting our ability to say “no” or to have proper boundaries with others. We may deprioritize our own responsibilities, ideals, or values in order to not rock the boat. But over time, this may cause us to feel like we are compromising ourselves in order to maintain approval. 
• Fear of making decisions and being held responsible for those decisions. Leaders often will be the lone voice or final decision maker for a team, and this is a daunting and heavy responsibility. It is almost impossible to make everyone happy all the time, and people who struggle with approval will have trouble trusting their own perspectives and logic enough to confidently own the responsibility or repercussions of their decisions.

Underlying Beliefs: My value / security / protection is found in how people perceive me. I am not enough and need affirmation that only other people can give me. God’s approval of me is not enough or not guaranteed.

How Jesus Addresses Fear of Man: When we struggle with a need for the approval of man over God, we forget that we are called to love and fear God above all else. When we love God first, we find that he is perfect, deserving, and the safest person to anchor our value and security on (Proverbs 29:25). We cannot call ourselves a servant of Christ if we value man’s approval over God’s (Galatians 1:10). His is the only approval that matters. From there, we find hope in the things God says of us. God loves us so much that he invites us to enjoy the fullness of union with Christ (John 15:1-10). How could God disapprove of us when we are one with the Son, who is absolutely approved of by the Father? We are valued, seen, and secure in God, and so we have freedom from needing it from fallible and imperfect people.

Application: 

• Have mentors and peers who you can consult and process with in your leadership decisions, and who you can trust to give you loving and trustworthy feedback.
• Know your triggers for when you start falling into patterns of approval seeking from people. In what situations and with whom do you start to dwell on what people are thinking of you? In what situations and with whom do you find yourself assuming peoples’ expectations or  intentions? Who can you never disappoint? 
• Plan well before meetings where you will have to make decisions, especially those with people whose approval you seek. What are you there to say? What are your non-negotiables, limits, and requests? Pause before saying “yes” and take 1 minute to assess your motives. If you say yes, what is the cost? 
• If you are hesitant to give feedback or to say hard things, consider what the cost of not saying something might be. In many cases, leaders are the only ones with the visibility into a person’s life and authority to be able to speak in, and our silence may rob a person we lead of critical development. 

These two internal barriers both come from not viewing ourselves rightly compared to how God sees us. When we judge our own value based off of things like other people’s opinions or societal stereotypes of what a leader should be or look like, we will often compromise ourselves to fit. We shrink back from risks and acts of faith that are required for bold leaders. This deeply saddens the heart of God, as he doesn’t see us or value us through any of those lenses. Instead, he desires that we would embrace fully the way he has created us and lead out of a confidence that our value is found in Christ alone!

Processing Questions

• Are internal barriers preventing you from stepping into greater influence or leadership?
• What are some internal barriers that keep you from being the leader God has called you to be? 
• Where do your internal barriers come from? How have you seen them play out in your life?
• How does God see you today? What are some truths from scripture that can help you remember this? 

In the second part of internal barriers for women in leadership, we’ll address two other significant topics – perfectionism and shame in our emotions.

Currently, women make up ⅔ of the missionary workforce! However, there is often a staggering lack of women in leadership positions in field contexts and mission organizations. For example, of the 200 organizations in MissioNexus, the largest professional association of evangelical mission agencies in North America, only 5 have women at the executive level (Playing By The Rules, 11). 

My own leadership journey was filled with confusion, barriers, mistakes, and a lot of failing forward. There are many women currently with overlooked leadership giftings, experiences, and calling who aren’t exercising that leadership to the benefit of mission teams because of both internal and external barriers. I believe that when women are released into their leadership God will work powerfully through them for his glory among the unreached!

My Story

Committing to moving and serving overseas was an incredibly difficult process for me. Though my heart longed for Thai people to know Jesus, there were significant fears that I had to work through before I could fully surrender to God’s calling for me to go. And one of my primary tension points was that I feared that being a leader as a woman meant that I was sinning against God.

Our sending church adheres to complementarian theology and tends to celebrate more traditional gender roles. I had never seen a woman leader outside of kids or women’s ministries, and wondered if I could have a role outside those spheres. After we got married, whenever Steven and I were in rooms of other ministry leaders, I started counting how many male leaders would greet me or even make eye contact. Unfortunately, the number was always very low, as most people assumed Steven was a leader whose wife tagged along. Even our leaders in our organization thought this way, and I was warned that I better do as much ministry while I could because I would be “taken out once [I] have kids.” While there is good intent and wisdom in that statement about the realities of being a mom in ministry, I received it with frustration and discouragement.

Throughout college, I had participated in and served on a leadership team over a 300 person campus ministry. Steven and I had together received vision, passion, and calling for Thailand through similar experiences and over a similar timeframe. I felt deep ownership over the team and vision that we were forming, and I desired to lead alongside Steven. But I had so many questions. Is it Biblical for women to be leaders? Can men and women co-lead together? What does that look like?

Our first year on the field was extremely difficult. My hidden questions, when met with cultural stress, stirred up into anger and accusation. No way was I going to be invisible! I was going to lead with my husband! It was my vision too! I pestered Steven ad nauseum, asking to be part of meetings he was going to. Questioning his decisions. Refusing on principle to do household chores (although, maybe I always would have done that). 

Steven, on his part, was confused. In his mind, when he had asked me to marry him, he always had expected me to be a ministry partner and co-leader with him. He discussed plans with me, facilitated team meetings with me, and brought me to networking opportunities. And he patiently bore with my obstinate antics, until one day in the midst of a spiraling complaining speech, he blurted out – “Who is oppressing you?”

Although he meant it as a joke, that one question made reconsider my whole perspective. This whole time, I was operating under the assumption that I was the only one able to advocate for myself and that Steven was only grudgingly humoring me in my desire to lead with him. Instead of trusting him and communicating, I projected my insecurities about my place in leadership onto Steven and felt like I had to fight him for a “place at the table.” But as we continued to discuss this topic (without my passive aggressive lashing out), we realized that we actually had always wanted the same things, but simply needed to get on the same page. 

I began to take proactive steps to grow in my own leadership, with much encouragement from my husband and our team. There were plenty of external obstacles, such as a lack of examples of women leaders, or lack of clarity in communication and expectations with my husband, organization, and sending church. But I realized that my greatest obstacle was my own lack of confidence that this was actually something God had called me to do. I needed to learn that my leadership was not sinful, but actually my form of obedience to God.

My View On Women in Leadership

After years of studying the Word on this topic, I believe that the Bible is incredibly empowering towards women who desire to step into leadership. The Bible is full of women leaders from Deborah (Judges 4-5) and Esther in the Old Testament, to Lydia (Acts 16:14-15) who led a house church, and Priscilla (and Aquila) (Acts 18:18-28) who co-labored with Paul in the New Testament. Jesus honors women in his interactions with them (Luke 10:38-42), going out of his way to speak to and encourage women (John 4), and the first witnesses of his resurrection were women (John 20:11-18).

My conviction in complementarianism is that there are certain roles and responsibilities that are set aside for men, namely elders (1 Timothy 3:1) in a local church and headship for husbands with their wives (Ephesians 5:22-23). Apart from that, men and women who are believers are commanded to honor one another, serve one another, counsel one another, and submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21, Romans 12:10, Romans 15:4). 

However, in my understanding of ministry leadership on the field, the role of a team leader isn’t the same of that of a local church elder, and I believe that women can be team leaders and can even supervise men. A clear example of this is Apollos, one of the greatest evangelists ever, was taught by both Priscila and Aquila (Acts 18:24-26).

I understand that this is a nuanced and potentially difficult topic for many. If you come from a tradition, organization, or church that has a different stance than what I described above, that’s okay! What matters is that you personally work out this question with the Lord and the Word with total honesty, until you reach a point of peace that you are obeying as God would have you do.

What Can Women Do?

Much of the discussion around womens’ roles centers on what a woman cannot do. Can a woman teach, and if so, who can she teach? Can she exercise authority? While I understand the desire for clarity on these sorts of questions, I have found that this discussion is much more empowering and productive when we focus on what the Bible says about what women CAN do – which is a whole lot! 

Exercise Gifts

When I first started leading our team, one of the most cunning lies that Satan repeated was that I didn’t look like a leader. In my mind, a leader commanded a room, led meetings, always had the right answer, and was strategically minded. I thought that being a leader was leading in the way that Steven did. And anyone who has ever met us knows that we exist on two opposite spectrums.

For years I tried to lead like him. I awkwardly interrupted meetings because I felt like I needed to say something decisive. I tried to learn and speak in strategic terms, and project out long term ministry objectives. But most of these attempts felt clunky and awkward, because I wasn’t leading as myself using the spiritual gifts God had given me.

Paul teaches about spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12:

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.

Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good

– 1 Corinthians 12:4-7

Gifts are given by the Holy Spirit’s will, for the common good. It is our responsibility to use our gifts, and employ them toward advancing God’s kingdom. Notice in this passage, there is nothing that distinguishes the gifts by gender. This includes giftings that are typically attributed to men like teaching, apostleship, or leadership.

What this also means is that it’s vital that women are able to know and work out of their own spiritual gifts. For me, my giftings include leadership, exhortation, and prophecy. My leadership doesn’t have to and shouldn’t necessarily look like Steven’s leadership. Instead, I have found that my best role in leadership is in exhorting our teammates and Thai partners to persevere and to develop toward greater Christ-likeness. “Hard conversations” have become my niche, and I am content to let Steven lead out on strategy conversations, though we both participate, give feedback, and support the other when they are taking the lead. I am thankful that God allows us to lead as we are!

For women reading this, do you know your spiritual gifts? Are you able to utilize your giftings on a regular basis? For women leaders – does your leadership role allow you to use your gifts? Are you aware of your teammates’ spiritual gifts and are you able to lead them toward roles that best maximize them?

Make Disciples

The last thing that Jesus said to his disciples before he ascended to heaven was the Great Commission. 

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

-Matthew 28:18-20

Out of Jesus’ own authority, all believers, male or female, are commanded to make disciples, to baptize them, and to teach these disciples how to obey God. Like giftings, the Great Commission is not dependent on gender! Therefore, women can and should be encouraged to make disciples who multiply, not only so that more may hear about Jesus but also for their own personal obedience to Christ.

When we consider that 51% of the unreached are women and that ⅔ of all goers are women, it is far too costly to exclude women from leadership and ministry work. By pulling women out of the equation, the potential missionary labor force is cut by more than half.

In our work in Thailand, we partner with National Apostolic Visionaries in trying to multiply movements of disciples and churches. Again, if the giftings of the Spirit are not limited according to gender, how many National Apostolic leaders could be women? Without women mission leaders to encourage and empower female NAVs, what opportunities for kingdom expansion are being missed? But when women are welcomed into leadership and given freedom to exercise their gifts fully, the Holy Spirit will use our contributions to glorify the name of Jesus! 

If you are a woman in leadership, or even considering leadership, is your whole team (male and female) equipped and confident to raise up disciple makers? If not, how can you develop them? Spend some time praying and asking God – what is my role in the Great Commission? Who have you called me to influence and disciple? Are there any female NAVs that you would have me walk alongside and empower? How will you use my leadership to multiply the gospel? 

For men reading this, reflect in prayer and ask God – are there women in my sphere who I could encourage toward leadership? How? Am I cultivating an environment where women can exercise their giftings?

Lead!

Regardless of where you land theologically on women’s roles in leadership, there are plenty of ways to build out roles that exercise your unique leadership and giftings in ministry to whatever level you believe is biblically encouraged, even without a title.

For example, discipling your family or new believers is a form of leadership. Training groups of people in evangelism tools and methods can be a venue to exercise a potential teaching gift. Shepherding and encouraging teammates is an integral leadership role on a team that doesn’t necessarily require a title. Project or administrative management is often an overlooked type of leadership gifting that can bolster a team or ministry effort in critical ways.

You may even begin to pursue team or ministry leadership, taking on responsibility over others and leading out in vision.

What are some ways you can start to practice and exercise your leadership on your team or in your ministry context? How can you pursue clarity with your leaders to find a role where you can begin to lead?

How Do I Start?

If you’re a woman reading this post and you feel like God might be calling you to be a team leader, to have some role of leadership on a team, or to exercise your leadership more in the context of CPM ministry, here are some next steps you could take. 

1. Come to a point of personal clarity and conviction concerning what the Bible says about women in leadership. While the Bible should be primary, a good commentary or theological studies like Men and Women in the Church are also helpful resources. The Coworkers Podcast is also a fantastic resource about men and women partnering together in movements, with a Bible study you can do with your whole team.

2. Take time to process with the Lord whether you are truly being called into leadership. We wrote a post on how to discern if you’re a leader that has some guiding reflection questions. Surrender your expectations and fears, and ask him for wisdom on how he has gifted you, and what role he would have you do and who he would have you lead. Write down questions you might have about what he tells you. Ask for verses to anchor your vision and calling into, and make your commitment to Jesus first. 

3. Communicate your desire with your organization and / or leaders. Ask them about the process toward becoming a team leader and for guidance on how to proceed. Each organization or denomination will have different requirements. 

4. Develop yourself. There are plenty of resources out there for women who want to develop as leaders. Books like Developing Female Leaders (Kadi Cole), 7 Deadly Sins of Women Leaders (Kate Coleman), and Making of a Leader (Robert Clinton) are good starts.

5. Begin to lead! If you aren’t ready to be a full blown team leader immediately and to recruit your own team, begin with smaller intermediate steps. Perhaps there is a specialized role on your team that you can begin to own, such as team development or resource creation, or maybe begin to own a key relationship with a national partner. You may encounter resistance at first, but remember, you belong in the room! God has given you a specific calling to leadership and he is pleased to use female leaders for his purposes! Everyone’s context is different, so if you need more guidance than these basic steps, feel free to contact us at contact@missionsleaders.com.

The Great Commission Needs Women Leaders

When we first launched, I wasn’t sure if I was a leader or what my leadership was supposed to look like. But through different experiences and circumstances, Jesus helped me to discover that I am one. I’ve had different opportunities to use my giftings, had a husband who championed me, a team that allowed me to lead them, and mentors throughout the years to guide me. However, the most significant factor God used toward helping me embrace leadership was our partner, Mint.

Mint was a church planter working in Northeast Thailand with a vision for the region and for neighboring Laos. As we spent time together and developed a relationship supporting her vision as Barnabas did with Paul, we increasingly became Mint’s friends, peers, coworkers, and confidants.

I quickly realized that Mint looked at me as a leader. It made no difference to her that I was a woman. If anything, it was more important to her that I was a woman leader who was just as committed to seeing Thailand reached as her. And because we are both women, she feels safe to open up to us, spend evenings in our home, train with me, and bring me into discipleship conversations with other women leaders. Because I am a leader, she respects my feedback and exhortations and knows that I empathize with her own leadership challenges as a woman.

Mint started out as the church secretary before launching as a church planter with no support or training. Now, through God growing her leadership, she is a regional leader with a dozen church planting teams under her and generations of churches multiplying out of her stream. In Mint’s region, the least reached in Thailand, her best leaders are unsurprisingly women. And she has continued to be an example that many other women have seen and desired to emulate throughout our church planting network because she has obeyed God in exercising her leadership gifting. Seeing God bear fruit through Mint has been one of the most rewarding and empowering affirmations of my own leadership.

The Great Commission will never be completed without women stepping into leadership. All women are called to be disciple makers, and many women are gifted in a multitude of ways to lead. Women display and model Christ in a wonderfully distinct way from men, and it would be a shame to pull back our contribution because of fear, a lack of clarity, or because the pathway is not defined. In my next post, I will address some of the major internal and external barriers women face in leadership.

I believe there are more women being called now to courageously step into greater leadership and influence. The Holy Spirit is raising up female national leaders among the unreached, many of whom will be best empowered by other women missions leaders. 

We are confident that when these two groups are able to partner together in the gospel, the Spirit of God will pour out power that will result in multiplication and restoration for generations to come.